Townhall.com, Where Your Opinion Counts
Talk Radio:   Bill Bennett   Mike Gallagher   Dennis Prager   Michael Medved   Hugh Hewitt   
BREAKING NEWS  LeftArrow - Townhall.com : Conservative, Political, Republican   RightArrow - Townhall.com : Conservative, Political, Republican  
Columns, funnies & more in your inbox!
  • Check the boxes and send us your email address to receveive your free newsletter
  • Your daily must-read of conservative columns, cartoons and news. Coulter, Sowell, Krauthammer and more.
  • Townhall.com’s weekly inside scoop on what’s happening behind the scenes in the world of politics. When news breaks, we report.
  • Signup to receive the latest daily Townhall cartoons
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Phyllis Schlafly :: Townhall.com Columnist
Feminists responsible for boom in unnecessary temporary restraining orders
by Phyllis Schlafly
Vote on It:
Average Vote:
[+] Text [-]
 
 
Poll
Will the Dems' health care Christmas Present to America be an improvement or detriment to our health care system?


It brought to mind the title of the George Gershwin song "They All Laughed" when a Santa Fe, N.M., family court judge granted a temporary restraining order against "Late Show" host David Letterman to protect a woman he had never met, never heard of, and lived 2,000 miles away from.

Colleen Nestler claimed that Letterman had caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" for over a decade by using code words and gestures during his network television broadcasts.

That ridiculous temporary restraining orders was dismissed in December, but according to a report released this week by Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting, or RADAR, the case was not a judicial anomaly but "the logical culmination of years of ever-expanding definitions of domestic violence." RADAR is a Maryland-based think tank that specializes in exposing the excesses of the domestic violence bureaucracy.

The New Mexico statute defines domestic violence as causing "severe emotional distress." That definition was met when Nestler claimed she suffered from exhaustion and had gone bankrupt because of Letterman's actions.

The New Mexico statute appears to limit domestic violence to "any incident by a household member," and Letterman, who lives in Connecticut and works in New York, had never been in Nestler's household. But New Mexico law defines household member to include "a person with whom the petitioner has had a continuing personal relationship," and Nestler's charge that Letterman's broadcast of television messages for 11 years qualified as a "continuing" relationship and thereby turned him into a household member.

The family court judge who issued the order, Daniel Sanchez, might have been predisposed to believe any allegation presented to him by a complaining woman even though she had no evidence. His own biography lists him as chairman of the Northern New Mexico Domestic Violence Task Force.

RADAR reports that only five states define domestic violence in terms of overt actions that can be objectively proven or refuted in a court of law. The rest of the states have broadened their definition to include fear, emotional distress, and psychological feelings.

The use of the word "harassment" in domestic violence definitions is borrowed from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's definition, which is based on the "effect" of an action rather than the action itself. In Oklahoma, a man can be charged with harassment if he seriously "annoys" a woman.

The 1999 book by University of Massachusetts Professor Daphne Patai, "Heterophobia: Sexual Harassment and the Future of Feminism" (Rowman & Littlefield; $17), powerfully indicts what she labels the "Sexual Harassment Industry." Feminists have created a judicial world in which accusation equals guilt, and the distinction between severe offenses and trivial annoyances is erased.

RADAR's report explains that the definition of domestic has also been expanded. Originally, domestic meant a household member, but now it means a person with whom the woman "has been involved in an intimate relationship" (Colorado), people who are in a "dating or engagement relationship" (Rhode Island), or "any other person ... as determined by the court" (North Dakota).

How did it happen that state laws against domestic violence are written so broadly as to produce such absurdities? Family court judges issue 2 million temporary restraining orders every year, half of which are routinely extended, 85 percent are against men, and half do not include any allegation of violence but rely on vague complaints made without evidence.

Follow the money, both at the supply and the demand ends of the economic trail. The supply of 1,500 new domestic violence laws enacted by states from 1997 to 2005 is largely the handiwork of targeted lobbying by feminists funded by the multimillion-dollar federal boondoggle called the Violence Against Women Act. The act is blatantly gender discriminatory; as its title proclaims, it is designed to address only complaints by women. The Violence Against Women Act provides taxpayer funding to feminists to teach legislators, judges and prosecutors the stereotypes that men are batterers and women are victims.

The demand end of the economic chain is the fact that women know (and their lawyers advise them) that making allegations of domestic violence (even without proof or evidence) is the fastest and cheapest way to win child custody plus generous financial support. The financial incentives to lie or exaggerate are powerful.

Due process violations in the issuing of temporary restraining orders include lack of notice, no presumption of innocence, denial of poor defendants to free counsel while women are given taxpayer-funded support, denial of the right to take depositions, lack of evidentiary hearings, improper standard of proof, no need to be found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, denial of the right to confront accusers, and denial of trial by jury.

Assault and battery are already crimes in every state without any need of the Violence Against Women Act. Temporary restraining orders empower activist family court judges to criminalize a vast range of otherwise legal behavior (usually a father's contact with his own children and entry into his own home), which are crimes only for the recipient of the order, who can then be arrested and jailed without trial for doing what no statute prohibits and what anyone else may lawfully do.

Share:
Vote on It:
Average Vote:
 
About The Author

Phyllis Schlafly is a national leader of the pro-family movement, a nationally syndicated columnist and author of Feminist Fantasies.
 
TOWNHALL DAILY: Be the first to read Phyllis Schlafly‘s column. Sign up today and receive Townhall.com daily lineup delivered each morning to your inbox.

Families are the foundation of society
...and feminism is the pernicious rot trying to pull it down from within.

VAWA notwithstanding, nationwide about 40 percent of spousal homicides are committed by wives who kill their husbands. That's 60:40, folks -- and yet journalist after journalist mentions only men who kill.

Yet in Washington State, one the most vaginized states in the union where men are especially oppressed at law and its practice, the ratio is closer to 90:10. One possible explanation is that, when unjustly painted into a legal corner where the stbx wife gets everything and they get nothing but the bills and a restraining order, men are more apt to strike out in violent desperation. It would be interesting to see if there is any correlation between the domestic violence ratio and the lopsided oppressiveness of family law to men (you can be sure that, as is very likely, this is more than mere speculation, organized feminism will do its lying darnedest to spin it into oblivion).

Someone should tell feminism that the best way to save the lives of women would be to chuck the VAWA and simply treat men (and their children) fairly. It would save a few hundred million dollars, too. (Er, what's that? Oh, yeah, follow the money...)


Simple Plan
Break the family, remove the men, take the women and children. The State is an invading army.

WHY IS IT
That most feminist and their female attorneys look like lesbians? Then factor in the possibility of a man being railroaded into court and have to appear in front of a female judge that has a hairstyle similar to Hilary Clinton. That poor guy has about as much of a chance of getting a fair decision as an illegal alien has to worry about getting deported. The only option that this man would have would be to spend thousands of dollars trying to defend himself, and then after the end of the day the chances of him walking out of court without a restraining order slapped against him are slim to none. Even if the system started fining women and their attorneys who were found guilty of filing for unwarranted restraining orders, again the cost incurred by the male would be simply out of reach for most. Now if the man thought he could trust the system to treat him equally and the woman and her attorney that filed the warrant less restraint order would be responsible for reimbursing the male defendant when it was proven to be a false allegation made against the man, that may be a different story. Most Judges who are appointed to the bench in a family court are for the most part just beginning their career wearing the black robe, and have no experience or training in dealing with issues that they face in family issues. Thank you so much Ms. Schlafly for well intentioned column about this issue, but the truth of the matter is, that the situation has not much chance if ever of improving unless men finally get fed up with the situation and to band together and do something about it. One thought to consider though, why is it that most of these laws that are so desperately slanted against the male are written by men themselves? Could it be possible if these so called men who are responsible for writing these laws were to be stripped searched the findings would show that they are really women to begin with. Visit http://www.headsneedtoroll.org and post your views, opinions and thoughts.
Heads Need To Roll

restraining order against David Letterma
Try the OFF button on the remote.........

I know how it feels...
...to be up against a woman in court. A man has no chance, at all! The way the courts operate, in child custody cases the man will be lucky to get visitation.

I have a close relative that for a couple of years could only get visitation with his kids because of the bias of the court. His ex-wife was unemployed, living away from the children, giving them no financial support, and had left the child rearing to her mother. My cousin was supporting the kids, and even his mother in law told the judge that her daughter was unfit. He was only able to get custody of his children after his ex was locked up a couple of times, once while awaiting trial on other charges. And this delay was justified as being "in the best interests of the children"? Please!!!

Redefine the Language
Domestic violence has been redifined to suit the feminist cause. So has Rape. In fact, most causes tend to redefine the language to suit their purposes. Racist, homophobe, xenophobe, sexual harassment, genocide, bigot, and the list goes on and on. All words that used to have a specific meaning now twisted to utilize their shock value while absolutely misstating the underlying reality.

The diabolical foundation of feminism
The influence of TV on weak women was predicted 2,000 years ago. From 2 Timothy 3 which talks about our times we find; “For among them are those who worm their way into homes and captivate silly and weak-natured and spiritually dwarfed women, loaded down with [the burden of their] sins [and easily] swayed and led away by various evil desires and seductive impulses.”

Consider the thousands of “women in peril” movies that have been put on TV where a husband will poison, abuse, or cheat on his wife. As more people in this country turn their back on the truth of the Bible, they become more vulnerable to idiot ideas.

Feminists often encourage consensual sex for college girls. If the girl regrets her decision after a few weeks, they say it should be considered rape. You might as well spit into the face of a real rape victim. However, feminists have long considered the pragmatic opportunities to ride the coattails of legitimate concerns.

Domestic violence is another vehicle for opportunistic feminists to push through legislation that attacks families. They start with getting a government grant to fund some social work research. They will conduct a survey that asks, “Have you ever been beaten by you husband, boyfriend, or significant other or has he ever left the room in anger.” They get an eighty percent response and then run to the state legislatures with the scientific proof of an epidemic of domestic violence.

While their objective is to “free” women from marriage, which they consider to be evil, they also take advantage of any opportunity to attack men in general. The “thinking” goes something like this, “I hate my husband. I am normal. Most women must hate their husbands. I am fighting for all women”.

The Bible says that women are by nature more susceptible to deception. Satan started with Eve and has been using this approach ever since. It has been the role of men to protect women. However, most men are so fearful of the bombast they will receive that they never even raise an objection to the insanity running rampant today. Judges today pull hard to the left in general, however, there is not one who would try to resist the social current of the “women as perpetual victims of men” ideology.

The cure to the disease of feminism, which has so infected the liberals that run our country and schools, is Jesus. Jesus is truth. His word is truth. Satan attacked Eve by getting her to judge God (“Is it true that God said…”). The further away from God we get, the more vulnerable we are to the schemes of Satan. If Eve had said, “I don’t remember exactly, let’s ask God”, history might have been much different.

Hit the OFF button!
If Ms. Nestler was suffering from "sleep deprivation" why did she stay up to watch Letterman in the first place? Bunky has it exactly right -- why DIDN'T she just hit the OFF button? This solution would not appear to require an advanced degree in quantum mechanics from MIT.

Baloney
The last time I looked, the woman with the scales was blindfolded. That seems the best way to run things.
This violence against women act, hate crimes laws, and such crap is all a bunch of hooey.
It reminds me of Animal House where the fraternity was now on 'Double Secret' probation.
I have an idea.
TREAT EVERYBODY THE SAME.
Ladies, men, blacks, whites, GLBT's, Martians, etc.
This feminist baloney belongs in the dustbin of history.
If they can't make it on their own in a man's world without special laws just for them, what does it say for their ability to be just as good as a man?

sounds good but...
Schlafly makes a good point, but I’m skeptical about any intelligent comments coming from women. I mean, did her husband approve of what she wrote? You know how women are more susceptible to the wiles of the evil one. This may be a very clever trick to advance the ‘woman on top’ position of intercourse.


Oh OK I get it......
....somebody mentioned the Bible. Big no-no, apparently. ;)

statistics on spousal homocides
Thinkwell where are you getting your stats from? I get different numbers looking at the stats on the Bureau of Justice website (2004 numbers).

fight back
I went through it. I couldn't believe it. But I am not a quitter, I fought for a about a year and a half and got custody, then because I enrolled in college I lost custody. Can anyone imagine a woman losing custody because she is going to college? And there is case law in this state that college is not a reason to change custody. After one school year my ex's bizzare behavior (which she never quit) became noticable again and I have custody again. I think my ex has completely convinced the court she is a liar. It took a long time, five years. Had laws been followed my kids would not have had to go through what they did. And one thing Schlafly didn't mention is if a restraining order is made permanent federal law makes it illegal to possess a firearm. Which is a due process problem regarding taking away property. And a piece of paper isn't going to stop the insane, it will only harrass the innocent. In my case I was even ordered by the judge to allow Child and Family Services to search my house. That is completely illegal. CFS harrassed me for a month asking to inspect my house, they can get a warrant by just simply asking for one, they don't even have to have probably cause. They just wanted to harass me. I obeyed the court order and told CFS I am ordered to allow a search but if they conduct one I would sue them for violating my civil rights since they have neither my permission or a search warrant. It pays to play hardball, I got custody after that.

The Destruction of Crime
Things like this are truly destroying criminalization of these behaviors. After all, if rape is simply inappropriate touching, it should not be punished harshly. If Domestic Violence is calling your wife a fool, then the punishment should be minor.

The effect is that people get over punished for minor and silly "crimes" but under punished for real actions such as true rape or beating a woman half to death. Of course, true feminists are ok with that since it inflates the statistics and lets them show how bad those men really are.

The feminists are like the Black Muslims. They want to live in an all female society and do away with men. So sad.

Something to fear
After watching my best friend go through one of the nastiest, one sided divorce's to a truly psychotic and drug addled woman that I have ever seen, only to lose custody of his son anyway, I very nearly decided to never get married at all...but I guess that's the point.

restraing orders
the are not worth the paper they are written on. It is a wast of tax payer money to have these but some judges truly believe that they work. If you push some people far enough they will kill you reguardless of the order. Any cop will tell you that it will not keep a person away, only makes it easier to arrest them. It also makes them (male and female) more devieuse

DUH!
"Colleen Nestler claimed that Letterman had caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" for over a decade by using code words and gestures during his network television broadcasts."

Bunky, did she lose the remote? Couldn't find the off switch? Couldn't get behind the dresser to unplug the TV?

Frivolous lawsuit. The lawyer who brought it should be reprimanded. Otherwise, I gotta move to NM and sue my ISP, who keeps me up wayyyy too late some nights on the Internet.

As for the "relationship" aspect, it sounds rather one-sided to me. I'm sure Letterman got nothing out of it.

MikeR said, "This may be a very clever trick to advance the ‘woman on top’ position of intercourse."

Can't do _that_. It might lead to sex standing up which could lead to (gulp) dancing.

almost been there
"After watching my best friend go through one of the nastiest, one sided divorce's to a truly psychotic and drug addled woman that I have ever seen, only to lose custody of his son anyway,..."

Mine's not that bad, but she's peri-menopausal and an uncontrolled diabetic. When the blood sugar gets up she gets nasty.

That's the point.
"Any cop will tell you that it will not keep a person away, only makes it easier to arrest them."

I think that's the point. It gives the cops a point of leverage.

SANTA FE - THE CITY DIFFERENT
As a lifelong resident of New Mexico, I could tell you some horror stories about our state capitol and the people that live there.

I don't know if there's something in the air or water in that town, but even native Santa Fe citizens are a little loony. It may have something to do with the fact that so many that have moved there are from another state. Movie stars, television and radio personalities, born rich fools that have never had to work, that is the sort of people that now make up a huge portion of Santa Fe's population. They started north of there, in Taos, and have worked their way down to the "city different", (that is what we born and raised New Mexicans call it).

Many are getting into local politics and you should hear some of the nonsense they want enacted into law, somtimes statewide. For instance: You can no longer build a home or business building in Santa Fe that is not "traditional southwestern in appearance". The problem is that the "traditional southwestern" look is these outsiders version of what is "traditional".

McDonalds, grocery stores, office buildings, homes, every building built there in the last 15 years, have the same phony look that looks nothing like the old buildings in town, many of which were built 150 or more years ago. The outside money has taken over and they have ruined what was once one of the most beautiful cities in the country.

It didn't suprise many when this Nestler nut filed her suit. Nor did the granting of a restraining order against someone 2 thousand miles away. Foolish people with foolish ideas have invaded my state capitol and that is just the way things are done in Santa Fe these days.
Then again, we are not only the "Land Of Enchantment", we are also the "Land of Manana" (the word is spoken as "manyana" but you can't add a tilden over the first N on this site)and we merely shrug such nonsense off and laugh about it.

Nestler is just another silly gringo in a town full of silly gringo's. Mostly, we natives feel sorry for them.













What the case actually seems to indicate
There is a legitimate issue with restraining orders, but this column seems to miss it in its drive for feminism bashing. The fact that this request was dimissed when it was considered does not suggest that it was supported by state law. Rather what it suggests, and what does seem to be the case, is that the initial tendency is to grant orders without taking them seriously and only later to see if there is any merit to them.
This seems to be more of an institutional failing in which the first court involvement in any issue is cursory even though great harm can be done in the time that it takes for the court to take a case seriously. (In this case it is doubtful that any harm was done so it is not even a good test case for that.)

It's Interesting that...
according to feminists, any accusation by a woman of sexual harrasment or rape constitutes, in and of itself, irrefutable proof of guilt by the man. With one exception...Bill Clinton, in which case "the B's were all lying" and "it sounded like consensual rape."

My favorite line during the impeachment
....scandal was when one feminist(I cannot remember her name) said "Considering all that Clinton has done for the country, I'd say every American woman owes that man a BJ". lol

I'm paraphrasing by the way......

On to the topic at hand though.....I find it amusing how judges justify these restraining orders and injustices as being in the best interest of the child. I fail to see how taking a child's father away and pitting the child's parents against each other in such destructive and contentious ways could possibly be in that child's best interests. The mother's best interest perhaps, but the child seems to be the next to last consideration in these instances, behind the mother and the vague notion of "social justice", but slightly(very slightly) ahead of the hapless father.

Equal Opportunity
This whole thing started as a tactic to create another voting bloc for the liberal Democrats (aka neo-socialists).

No one will argue that women shouldn't have equal rights and opportunity. The equity-feminist movement which began in the early 1800's has more than met its goals.

In the 1960's, a movement called Feminism began (note the capitalization). Also known as gender feminism, it wasn't about equality, it was about power. It was an organized political movement which used a pliant media and propaganda. Remember the phoney story about hundreds of thousands of women who were beaten on Super Bowl Sunday? Pure fiction originally started by an off-hand remark in "Vanity Fair".

The idea formulated by the neo-socialists was to create another oppressed group of people who would see the socialists as their champions and saviors.

Marx and Engels used "workers" as the oppressed class (the proletariat). The neo-socialists have expanded on that strategy and created many "oppressed" groups. The current group up for membership is the "gay" bunch.

The question is begged: who are the oppressors? Why, they are still the evil bourgeoisie. Of course, the neo-socs substitute "conservative" for bourgeois, but you get the idea. It doesn't matter that many members of the oppressor group are poor; the are dismissed as brain-washed ditto-heads.

Regarding the case against Letterman: of course it has no merits; a student in 8th grade civics class could see that. It's about the power of one group (neo-socialists) over another (conservative free-market capitalists).


RE: Statistics on Spousal Homicides
Jefff wrote: "Thinkwell, where are you getting your stats from? I get different numbers looking at the stats on the Bureau of Justice website (2004 numbers)."

Keeping in mind that anything coming from a "Coalition against Domestic Violence" is *always* going to favor female victimhood, the 90:10 ratio may be gotten from page 18 or 19 of this report: http://www.wscadv.org/projects/FR/04_FR_report.pdf

Nationwide, various DOJ studies support the 60:40 ratio (some higher, some lower). For example, according to this DOJ sampling study, "Of the spouse murders sampled, 59% were husbands killing wives, and 41% were wives killing husbands.": http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/spousmur.htm

Personally, I believe the DOJ statistics are skewed by omitting a lot of undetected poisonings of husbands (poison is overwhelmingly used by women). My guess is the that the true numbers are much closer to parity (say, 55:45).

And now, the largest reference for last...

"References Examining Assaults by Women on their Spouses or Male Partners: An Annotated Bibliography"

Martin S. Fiebert
Department of Psychology
California State University, Long Beach

SUMMARY: This bibliography examines 175 scholarly investigations: 139 empirical studies and 36 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 164,600.

Aizenman, M., & Kelley, G. (1988). "The incidence of violence and acquaintance rape in dating relationships among college men and women." Journal of College Student Development, 29, 305-311. (A sample of actively dating college students (204 women and 140 men) responded to a survey examining courtship violence. Authors report that there were no significant differences between the sexes in self reported perpetration of physical abuse.)

Archer, J. (2000). "Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners: A meta-analytic review." Psychological Bulletin, 126, 651-680. (Meta-analyses of sex differences in physical aggression indicate that women were more likely than men to "use one or more acts of physical aggression and to use such acts more frequently." In terms of injuries, women were somewhat more likely to be injured, and analyses reveal that 62% of those injured were women.)

[. . . bulk of 175 cites omitted . . .]

Wilson, M. I. & Daley, M. (1992). "Who kills whom in spouse killings? On the exceptional sex ratio of spousal homicides in the United States." Criminology, 30, 189-215. (Authors summarize research which indicates that between 1976 and 1985, for every 100 men who killed their wives, about 75 women killed their husbands. Authors report original data from a number of cities, e.g., Chicago, Detroit, Houston, where the ratio of wives as perpetrators exceeds that of husbands.)

Portions of this paper were presented at the American Psychological Society Convention in Washington, D.C. May 24, 1997.

Earlier versions of this paper appeared in Sexuality and Culture, 1997, 1, 273-286, and Sexuality and Culture, 2004, 8, (No. 3-4), 140-177.

Copyright, 2005. Martin S. Fiebert

Question
I still don't understand why we have laws directed specifically at a given race, gender, etc. The laws on the books (yes, even the Constitution) theoretically apply to every citizen. One might argue that we have to pass these laws because the judicial system doesn't recognize "equal protection" requirements, I would counter that the judiciary needs to be changed in that case.

By their nature, gender/race specific legislation is discriminatory by granting more rights to one part of society than another. Existing assault and battery laws do not specify that they apply only to men, do they? Creating a classification of A&B, namely Domestic Abuse, merely layers additional standards on which to base criminal/civil charges. If women deserve these rights, then men deserve them too.

As to "frivolous" restraining orders, the cost of defending oneself on that matter is no different than the cost of being falsely accused of some other crime. However, the fact that the restraining order can be issued with no evidence, no probable cause, no nothing, gives rise to abuse. It is "easy" to get a restraining order and I know several women who have been counselled to obtain one against their spouse when a divorce was imminent. The simple fact is that even if the order cannot be supported when challenged in court, the individual seeking that order is not held accountable in any way.

Get rid of any and all laws singling out a specific class of people. Hold people accountable for the actions that they take (ex., obtaining a restraining order). Impeach or vote out judges who refuse to uphold the concept of equal protection.

Kozinator, marriage
Q: "I learned along time ago from my father-in-law that it's "cheaper to keep her"...Men, the only way you can GUARANTEE you won't get burned is don't marry and don't have kids."

************

That's the current wisdom, things as they are. The issue is that things didn't become this way by force of nature. The landscape has been polluted, in many cases intentionally.

Me, I don't care about money, and I'm going roll the dice a few times. Still, times and risks as they are, even the gambler in me considers 90+% of modern women "unmarriable".

The downfall of marriage is the downfall of our entire civilization. And, like I said, it (is/will be) our own faults.

TROs, Divorce and In-laws
I'm a female. My brother is going through a nasty divorce in AZ. His (almost) ex-wife not only accused him of DV, but, when I yelled at her for throwing my mom's clothes on the ground, she got a temporary restraining order (TRO) against me! She wrote me (unsigned) a nasty e-mail at work asking if I would be embarrassed being served with legal papers at work, and wouldn't it look bad to future employers that I had been accused of DV, etc. I demanded a hearing, which I won, and the TRO was lifted.

However, the judge indicated that my yelling at her was one "unwanted contact" and that a second unwanted contact within one year would constitute legal harrassment for which she could get a restraining order. She told the judge I could not call, visit, or e-mail the house to speak to my nephews and niece (15, 13, and 10). She even returned my Christmas cards to them. So, because I was an in-law, the DV statutes applied to me and were used to cut off my contact with my niece and nephews. If I tried to call, visit, or e-mail them, I would be subject to a restraining order.

I used to be a feminist, but realized I'm more of a "humanist," if there is such a word. I have volunteered on a crisis hotline for battered women and at a battered women's shelter. I raised money for DV shelters. I published a legal comment on the battered woman syndrome and the law of self-defense. I understand that true domestic violence is horrific, but I also know that women such as my almost ex-sister-in-law can abuse the legal system with her false accusations. Judges (and my brother's judge is female) are loathe to make an error of NOT granting a restraining order and then having something awful happen, so they routinely grant the orders.

What DV laws - many of which are civil in nature - have done is to treat the "accused" as if he (and it is mostly a man) already is guilty. There is no presumption of innocence in DV cases. The pendulum has swung too far in one direction - making it possible for vindictive and manipulative women to use the system to 1) punish a man who wants to leave a marriage, 2) alienate children from their fathers, and 3) ensure that their children's relationships are totally severed from their husband's family.

The horror story to end all such stories
My easy-going neighbor, Bob, brought home a girl one night. Went to work the next day and came home to all his stuff out on the lawn.

He got back in his house and was VICIOUSLY ATTACKED by this 'girl'. Everyone in the neighborhood saw it. Someone called the police. They came and arrested Bob.

Seems SHE could punch, kick and scream nasty things about him, but he wasn't allowed to 'restrain her' at all. Paramedics came and bandaged him up in several places. She had not a mark on her.

All the neighbors were asking the police WHY? All they said was, "he shouldn't have TRIED to stop her nor should he have ENTERED his OWN house with her inside if there was any dispute."

Seems that while he was at work, she had gotten an ID to show her NEW, CURRENT address. That is ALL the police would respect. Not any testimony from us his neighbors of over 10 years.


Monsters
The feminists of the sixties were monsters. Sick, hateful and ruthless. They demonized men and transformed society. No one shoud ever forget that they were basically leftist political activists.


It is ironic that their hypocracy has been revealed by their silence regarding the treatment of women in Muslim nations. Feminists allowed Bill Clinton and his lackeys to destroy the reputations of women Clinton had molested.


Since the sixties countless numbers of men have been destroyed, emotionally and financially, by courts that do not even pretend to offer fair treatment for them.


Those early feminists have damaged America in ways that were unimagined when they began their leftist political jihad against men. The judges, court employees, usually women, who routinely work to punish men enmeshed in the system, should all be in jail themselves.


There does not seem to be any turning back from here. America is much worse off because of the feminist's hateful mission.

The Chickens Come Home To Roost...
Indeed Feminism is a scourge, arising like a judgement from a mass grave--but thoughtful souls will wonder WHY it arose. Is it not an indictment against those who insisted, for centuries, that women were possesions to be bartered and sold and certainly in no way of equal value to any man? You cannot defeat this BEAST until you first deal with the root cause. For that you must look within.

Sorry, mama - that just ain't so
to say, "women were possesions to be bartered and sold and certainly in no way of equal value to any man?" is pure hogwash.

Women in America were NOT treated like that. No, it is true that they didn't have the vote but if you had suggested to those pioneer women they were possessions, you would have gotten one HECK of an argument.

WHEN did the US Census start to count women? Right from the first in 1790. Were women counted as less than men? Never. Did women OWN property? Yes.

To go back to a time when women were property you must go WAAAYYY back, Mr peabody.

And by "BEAST within" you must mean all men NOW??

The best government...
Also in Family Court.

Up to $4.1 billion available from Social Security to each state that create support orders, collect on amount due, and create arrearages. (See 6B, 6C, & 6D).

http://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/ssact/title04/0458.htm

The Child Support Unit in Kane County has not produced an accurate Support Report for my case in the past four years. Each time it reflects that I owe money, yet they have refused to accept my cancelled checks as proof of payment.

In fact, the clerks employed do not have education or experience in the basics of accounting, and they work in a unit that is essentially an accounting department.

I had to motion the family judge to order Child Support Unit to look at my checks and apply credits to their report. This process took about eight months and a dozen visits to the court and the unit.

http://www.co.kane.il.us/sao/CHILD/CHILD.HTM

Yes, during this time I had a Restraining Order against me - my wife went to the police and said two days earlier it "looked" like I was going to hit her. The police arrested me for battery which after two years and $1,000 came off my record.

The best government is one that governs least. Get out of the family Uncle Sam. In the mean time, though I miss my wife and son, men you ought not marry.

RUFFOLO, THINKWELL, & MOST OTHERS
I would like to remind THINKWELL that wherever the
statistics come from or however accurate they are, you are forgetting one very important thing. And that is "why" people murder. Men murder their wives because they are either angry or want her out of the way to marry someone else without having to give up some money. Women murder men because they are afraid. BIG DIFFERENCE.

But what I have to say is directed mostly to Schafley.
She has been around forever, and her tune never changes
You can't argue that she is inconsistent.

I have recently had occasion to be part of some discussion groups that deal with the black family,
among other things. No one in the group denied that
the black family is in serious trouble. And
nearly everyone agreed that much of it had to do with the fact that the black man is not in the home. He is not
acting as we expect men to act. Several who have far
greater connections to the black community than I
said that one of the reasons why this happens is that
the women are so very busy protecting the black man.
They forgive his transgressions, they do his work for
him, and protect him from the powers that be in the
work place. This is done because the women so desparately want the men to succeed, but what is really
happening is that they are not learning to be men.

So what has this got to do with Schafley? All through
the years she has been very busy protecting men. There
was never an argument, political discussion, or anything
else about the sexes, but what she does not take the
men's side and in addition chastise the women. She will
tell you that it is done in the name of the family, but
I suspect it goes deeper than that. For instance, you
will note that children are barely mentioned in this
column. It is all about protecting men (this time from
what she calls frivolous lawsuits). She may be
absolutely right on this one. I don't know, but I
doubt that one or two cases proves a point. The more
telling thing about her is that she is ALWAYS defending
and protecting men.

Are the men so weak that she feels that they need her protection on an ongoing basis? By reading from all the men here, I guess they feel they need her protection too. One would also get the impression that a whole lot of them need to grow up. Yeh, sure, not getting married or having kids is a terrific idea. Makes the world go around. Maybe you should ask if you are part of the
problem. Life is a two-way street, after all, now that
the women's libbers have arrived.

I am not here to say that people do not occasionally
get a raw deal in the courts. In fact, I can only
hope that the courts are better than I think they are.

But men dealing with women are
not the only ones getting a raw deal. I just finished a book called "Tulia" which gave me the distinct impression that blacks in panhandle Texas today are no safer than they were in the 1950's Mississippi, with the probable
exception that they don't get lynched any more.

I would like to ask Ruffolo a question. You talk about
two different things as far as I can tell. One is that
you were accused of non-support which you proved to be
not true. The other item was about a Restraining Order.
Are you telling us that the one was connected to the
other? I find that hard to believe. It is one thing
to do all you can to prove your innocence; it is quite
another to do some serious, in-your-face harrassing.

If I am reading the situation correctly, that is exactly
why we need active government. Ask your wife if she
wished the government representative would just go away
and leave her alone. It is you she wanted to go away, and you wouldn't leave. Am I getting this right?

Of course, you were pissed because things weren't going your way. That doesn't give you the right to go to your wife's house and harrass her, especially if there was a restraining order which suggests this was not the first time you were in her face.

My impression - correct me if I am wrong - is that people
who have been served a restraining order are stalkers
who simply refuse to leave a person alone, and will
use all sorts of means of intimidation to get attention.
Surely, you must realize that the person being stalked
sees the stalker as a very scary person - not just annoying, but scary.



Lisa
You asked to be corrected, so here it is.

One: I'm as disgusted with the modern man as you seem to be, but a big part of the reason that most men aren't men is because, with the modern plagues of no-fault divorce and single-motherhood, THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE BEEN RAISED BY WOMEN. Repeat, THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE BEEN RAISED BY WOMEN. One more time, for mnemonic purposes, THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE BEEN RAISED BY WOMEN.

Fatherlessness, further, increases the risk for all social maladies exponentially, without exception.

Two: I've heard the statistic that most women kill to remove themselves from the man, most men kill because they can't stand to be away from the woman. It seems to be a big Mommy issue.

Three: The entire premise of the article, is that restraining orders are being given too freely, for reasons other than "stalking".

Pogue_Mohone
Pogue_Mahone:

....scandal was when one feminist(I cannot remember her name) said "Considering all that Clinton has done for the country, I'd say every American woman owes that man a BJ". lol

That would be the brilliant tower of feminist intellect: Erica Jong, pride of that great source of object truth- NPR.

LISA/Post-It: Misandry
"Men murder their wives because they are either angry or want her out of the way to marry someone else without having to give up some money. Women murder men because they are afraid. BIG DIFFERENCE..."

Speaking as a Service Academy graduate who apparently associates himself with a superior class of MEN, I am more disgusted with the gender that exercises its "reproductive rights" 1.4M times annually (w/o considering the corresponding responsibilities)by aborting, committing infanticide, & outright abandoning their children for purely capricious & arbitrary reasons. I find it hypocritical that a group of women who think it is "normal" for women to kill their children out of convenience aren't capable of grasping the concept that said gender is just as capable of killing their husbands with the same callous lack of regard for human life. But that is the modern “objective” woman-child. Ask Mary Winkler, who was apparently greedy & stupid enough to fall for a variation the of the classic Nigerian Bank scam. Her husband made the mistake of yelling at her for losing thousands of $ in savings- she subsequently blew his spine out with a shot gun. All over MONEY. Lisa please admit that source of your ire is that you are intimidated by MEN- their analytical intellect, their physical presence, complexity, etc. I find your rationalization of domestic violence directed at MEN disgusting. Kindly go back to your pampered cloister of like minded "strong women" while this Society's MEN continue to do all the heavy lifting (90% of overtime, 95% of all work related deaths, etc.), pay the majority of income taxes (Top 50% of wager earners (Majority: MEN!!) pay 96% of all income taxes that support a welfare state that benefits women) & do 98% of the dying in a war against a group of MEN that would love to put women who think like you in a Burka. I am one of those MEN that provide the layer of protection that allows you the right to freely make your anti-male gratuitous assertions. In closing, I have one question: Who is JOHN GALT?


Mahatma mama shut your trap and....
....get me some dinner.

LOL Lisa did you just justify women.....
.....killing their husbands? Da-m-n you lefties are nuts.

THank the feminists
for females like Lisa. Obviously she is sincere in what she has to say on the subject. Many women in today's world are absolutely convinced that their gender has always been mistreated and brutalized by men.

There is an adversarial relationship between the sexes that may once have been a subject of jokes. It has not beena laughing matter for a long time.

It is interesting that Lisa claims that restraining orders are levied against stalkers who will not leave the woman alone. She does say "correct me ifI am wrong". Lisa, you described the restraining order as it should be employed. There is no question that SOME men are stalkers and must be restrained. Unfortunately a restraining order does not always protect a woman. Women are killed by men who ignore restraining orders.

This article by Phyllis Schlafly clearly points out the way that women abuse the restraining order. One thing women frequently exhibit is a vindictivness that seeks to punish and hurt a man. Denying a man the opportunity to see his children is one weapon women use. SOME women.

Lisa, you claim that you find it hard to believe that the restraining order had anything to do with non-support, but was about serious, in-your-face harrassing. Do you know Ruffolo? The fact that you could describe him as harrassing his wife, when you don't really know what happened between them shows exactly where you are coming from.


You also say that men occasionally get a bad deal in court. OCCASIONALLY? The entire article was drawing attention to the wide spread abuse of the courts by women who lie deliberately to the courts about husbands they want to punish.


I'll say this again. SOME husbands are stalkers, and even murder their wives. You Lisa, obviously choose to believe that most men fall into that catagory. I think that your post clearly indicates the damage that the radical feminists have done to both men and women. With your view of men, how can you enter into and maintain a long term, loving relationship?


Consider this. Is it possible that Ruffolo is telling the truth? If it is possible, why do you choose to insult him the way you did without knowing him or his wife? Think about that.

TO DEMOSTHENESE, POGUE, AND SKIP
Well, actually, let's skip you Pogue. I don't think that
even the most paranoid, misanthropic right-winger would
give you the time of day. Though I certainly could be wrong.

To Demosthnese. What attributes of this Greek do you have
that made you decide to take on this moniker? Do you have
a handicap that you have striven diligently to overcome?
Are you a brilliant orator? Do you refuse to discuss a
subject unless you have thoroughly researched all aspects
of it? Do you identify with the Bartolo, his nickname
which he was given because of his tendency towards unmanliness and a shrewish temper?

Let me see. 1.4m have an abortion every year for
purely capricious reasons, and all because it is a
matter of convenience. Hmmm. How about this small
change. Some do so for matter of convenience. Others
have no way to support the child, would not dream of giving a kid up to adoption considering all the crazies out there who might potentially raise this child (not mentioning any names or ideologies), has a
fetus that is completely corrupted giving the child
an extremely difficult life. The possible answers here
are multitude. Some are for convenience, some are not.
I have no possible way of knowing the percentages, nor
do you, for that matter.

Let's go to another idea of yours: There is a group
of women (I am assuming that you mean feminists here)
who are just as capable of killing their husbands
with the same lack of regard for human life. Hmmm, again. Why don't we change that last phrase just a
little bit. Let's change that to say "with a great
deal of regard for her own life." Women are killed by
their husbands/live-in partners more than any other
person by a huge margin. When she has experienced years
of abuse, she is real smart to assume that she could
easily end up dead one of these days. Statics prove
that over and over.

One last thing. Let's talk about your figures. Just
where did you get them? I can believe that 95% of all
work related deaths are male, 90% of overtime
I find extremely iffy but within the realm of possibility
I guess (I mean, the women go home to take care of the
kids), 98% dying in the war. Again, very likely. I
would also think that they represent 98% of the fighters on the ground, but I could be wrong there too. But where
in heaven's name do you get this 96% of all income tax.
You, sir, are picking numbers out of the air. Some may
be in shouting distance of accurate, but I think we can
safely say that the third attribute of Demosthenese is
clearly not one of yours.

Skip, it was almost a pleasure to read your response. I
am so tired of the ranters I find on this website. It
makes one cringe to consider the quality of people who
are inhabiting our U.S. of A. I will admit, however, that the worst ones are ones that show up over and over
in nearly every column, writing day and night. Maybe
if they would just have some "other" life beyond websites
on their computer they would be happier people.
Talking to real people rather than just idealogues could
have a huge benefit I would think.

I think the single thing that bothered me the most about
your response was the question "how can you enter and
maintain a loving, long-term relationship with men."
You simply have the wrong impression of my view of men.
I had a father whom I adored, a husband whom I love and
have lived with for 36 years. I have a son, a son-in-law
& an about-to-be-born grandson (due in two weeks!). I am
crazy about them all. Since I am fussy about who I
associate with, I stay away from the jerks. So when I
talk about men in regard to feminism, it is a historical
and/or political entity that I am talking about.

The fact is there has been a great deal of change since
the advent of the vote for women and later the real
women libbers movement in the 1960's and 1970's. The
landscape has significantly changed for women. Of
course, not all women were beaten and brutalized by
their husbands throughout history. Let's talk truth
here. The difference is that prior to the women's movement, there was very little LEGAL or SOCIETAL recourse if the woman was married to a brute. It was just her lot in life. And generally, the more religious
a society, the more likely they were to turn a blind
eye to her lot. Side bar: There is a reason why
I left a fundamentalist religion in my mid-twenties and
turned to a more main stream religion with which I am
able to maintain my belief in a loving God.

It is also true that women often resorted to underhanded
methods to get what they wanted, whether it was
protection, justice, or something else. If the man
was not a loving man, it was the only way she could
make things happen. Women's choices were extremely
limited and was left in most part to the generosity of
men. Demosthenese and others still can't quite cope
with the change. Boo Hoo. You are breaking my heart.

The immediate question of restraining orders is that
there is no doubt that some abuse it. The law presumes
that a complaint was made in good faith, and it is their
duty to take action. Why should it do otherwise?
Domestic violence, whether against adults or kids, is
a very dangerous and often lethal thing. If the complaint is later found to be unwarranted then it would
be a proper thing for the law to reprimand that incident.
But it is never appropriate to ignore it in the first
place - unless someone has cried wolf too often.

As for Ruffolo, my questions were directed to him and no
one else. I was just wondering if he had ever questioned
his own actions. He is certainly bitter about something
and perhaps rightly so. One thing I am quite sure of
men in general. A whole lot of them are not very
introspective. I was just wondering if he ever asked
himself what he might have done differently to
produce other results.

To Post-It
Sorry I completely missed your response until just a few
minutes ago.

There is very little that I disagree with in your
response. I believe with all my heart that children
need two parents. Sometimes it is not possible and
sometimes it is the lesser of two evils to have only one. But I have no doubt that it is the way it is supposed to be. Was there something in what I wrote that you made you believe otherwise.

If you are going to suggest that it is all women's fault
that we are in the situation we are in today,
forget it. Save your breath. I could ask a dozen
questions, but I will limit it to two. Who is more likely to want to be married? And who is less likely to
desert a child once it is born? One thing that is not
going to happen is that women are not going to stop
having babies.

So something needs to happen to put men back in the home. From several of the responders, it sounds like the only way they would consider it is if society goes back to the
good old days when women had very little legal protection and would accept that they are the
lesser beings in the scheme of things. In other words,
they need to be the Chest Thumpers and women should be
prepared to be thumped on. Well, don't hold your breath.

I guess the only thing that gives me hope is that I really do know so very many good men. Men who marry, have children, provide for their children, play with them, instruct them, remain faithful, love and respect
their wives, give their sons a great role model in the
area of the how to treat women (a great role model for
their daughters too, I might add). But there is no
denying a significant underbelly out there that is scary.
Who shall we blame? That is quite the question.


The Research
According to Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting (RADAR) report:

- Women are just as likely as men to engage in partner aggression (Kelly 2003)
- Men experience over one-third of DV-related injuries (Psychological Bulletin, Vol. 126, No. 5, pages 651-680)
- Men are far less likely to report DV incidents than women (Stets and Straus 1990)
- The myths about domestic violence are numerous (Gelles 1995)
- Many of these myths are based on DV studies that use biased survey methods (Arriaga and Oskamp 1999)

The county's family judges are retrained to ignore due process in domestic violence petitions. Federal programs like Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) fund this training (Bleemer, New Jersey Law Review, 1995). 85% of these orders are issues against men (Young, Independent Women’s Forum, 2005). Family judges often issue orders of protection or restraining orders without any direct threat of harm (Heleniak, Rutgers Law Review, Spring 2005). Often these orders are widely used as "part of the gamesmanship of divorce." (Kasper, Illinois Bar Journal, June 2005 and Kiernan, New Jersey Law Journal, April 1988)

New research published in the Journal of Family Psychology says that contrary to media and public opinion women commit more acts of violence than men in eleven categories: throw something, push, grab, shove, slap, kick, bite, hit or threaten a partner with a knife or gun. The study, which is based on interviews with 1,615 married or cohabiting couples and extrapolated nationally using census data, found that 21 percent of couples reported domestic violence.

http://www.mediaradar.org/media_fact_sheet.php

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegations_of_domestic_violence

Lisa,

Good evening.

In my first post I wrote what I observed, however, you need not believe me or others with similar stories.

Go to your county's family courthouse Monday through Wednesday between 9 and 11 AM to witness for yourself. It free and an invitation is not required.

Righting the wrecking ball of feminism
Lisa, feminism has given women the power to arbitrarily remove their husbands from their lives and the lives of their children, and to more or less ruin and enslave them financially in the process.

In my opinion, setting up a system that can capriciously wreck a man emotionally and leave him feeling isolated, hopeless and with nothing left to lose is likely to lead to more women being killed, not less. Feminism's parasitic promoters profess to care about women, but all they really care about is themselves. If feminism's twisted agenda surreptitiously causes more violent deaths of women, then great, more victim points, more misguided sympathy, more power and more $$FUNDING$$ (follow the money).

Men don't need and aren't asking to legally lord over women, but the feminist inspired Violence Against Women Act and its legal wake has given the converse power to women. Don't you see the many ways this is killing off marriage and turning our country into a society of single mothers and virtual bastards? (That word makes you squirm for a very good reason, you know.)

The high visibility homosexual marriage issue is just an inconsequential pimple on the face of society that is distracting us from the social cancer that is truly eating away marriage, the feminist driven, totally lopsided anti-man, anti-child, family court system.

Think well, see clearly. :)

TO THINKWELL
First, let me say that you ought to seriously consider
changing your moniker. You embarrass yourself every time
you use it. Do you think well of anyone or any thing?
And "see clearly." Another joke.

Let's discuss your first paragraph. I suppose anything
can happen in a particular case or a particular courtroom. However, the word "arbitrary" rarely fits when you are talking about the kids. Anyone can get divorced at will these days - male or female, no excuse needed. But to say that the woman can remove the kids out of man's life arbitrarily is ridiculous. Again, I am sure that it has happened, but if it does, talk to the judge, not the feminists. Someone is just being lazy or crazy and not doing his/her job.

As for leaving the guy in ruins and financially
enslaved, give me a break. If anyone is left financially
hurting after a divorce, it is almost always the woman.
If you are talking about emotionally in ruin, you are
probably right. Somehow woman lead happier lives alone
than do men. I'm not going to try to figure that one
out. I've been married for over 35 years and am doing
fine. I guess you have to pick the right person. Did
you pick the wrong person along the way? Maybe you
needed to thinkweller then also.

The next paragraph is too stupid to waste my time on.
Let's blame it on the time of day you wrote it. Go to bed and get some sleep. Maybe you will feel better in
the morning.

An observation
There a lot of men posting to this article who clearly have an axe to grind with some woman or women in their lives. I guess we could call you the flip side of feminism. Not knowing you, I can't say if you were responsible for your ex's poor behavior or if you were the victim, but you might want to consider working some of that rage out before you inflict yourself on another woman. Because if you have that much animosity toward the female gender in general, I'd hate to be specific female in your life.

Civil discourse about divorce
Unfortunately, thanks to the feminist driven VAWA, it is *not* at all ridiculous today to say that an unscrupulous wife can arbitrarily have the husband removed from home and children. Perhaps you missed or forgot the pertinent sections of Phyllis Schlafly's well written column. Let me repeat it here for your convenience. :)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Family court judges issue 2 million temporary restraining orders every year, half of which are routinely extended, 85 percent are against men, and half do not include any allegation of violence but rely on vague complaints made without evidence."

"Follow the money, both at the supply and the demand ends of the economic trail. The supply of 1,500 new domestic violence laws enacted by states from 1997 to 2005 is largely the handiwork of targeted lobbying by feminists funded by the multimillion-dollar federal boondoggle called the Violence Against Women Act. The act is blatantly gender discriminatory; as its title proclaims, it is designed to address only complaints by women. The Violence Against Women Act provides taxpayer funding to feminists to teach legislators, judges and prosecutors the stereotypes that men are batterers and women are victims."

"The demand end of the economic chain is the fact that women know (and their lawyers advise them) that making allegations of domestic violence (even without proof or evidence) is the fastest and cheapest way to win child custody plus generous financial support. The financial incentives to lie or exaggerate are powerful."

"Due process violations in the issuing of temporary restraining orders include lack of notice, no presumption of innocence, denial of poor defendants to free counsel while women are given taxpayer-funded support, denial of the right to take depositions, lack of evidentiary hearings, improper standard of proof, no need to be found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, denial of the right to confront accusers, and denial of trial by jury."

"Assault and battery are already crimes in every state without any need of the Violence Against Women Act. Temporary restraining orders empower activist family court judges to criminalize a vast range of otherwise legal behavior (usually a father's contact with his own children and entry into his own home), which are crimes only for the recipient of the order, who can then be arrested and jailed without trial for doing what no statute prohibits and what anyone else may lawfully do."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If only a small handful of men were victimized by this feminist driven miscarriage of justice, then I would shrug my shoulders along with you and just say, "Oh, well, sometimes $h!t just happens", but we are talking about millions of mostly frivolous orders, mostly against men, each year (or have you bought into the the feminists' woman-as-perpetual-domestic-violence-victim big lie?).

Real men, their children (and ultimately their wives, too) are being hurt every day because of the evils of feminism. Lots and lots of them. And its your fault and my fault, too, for letting it happen. Open your eyes and think well, Lisa. Notice who the judges are who issue these socially destructive frivolous restraining orders and vote them out. Same for the feminist lapdog legislators who pass anti-family laws, such as VAWA.

Occasionally, family courts order men in this situation to pay (based on the imputed highest earning potential standard) more than they actually are able to realistically earn. This may be because of subsequent job layoffs, being called to active military duty, or other causes beyond their reasonable control. Such a man can then be held in contempt of court, jailed without trial, loose his driver's license, place of residence (can't afford rent), etc. so that he becomes nearly unemployable, and working to his imputed income becomes completely impossible. It becomes a vicious circle. Debtor's prison is supposed to be illegal in this country. That this can happen at all, even to one man (let alone lots of them), should make you very alarmed (I know it does me).

Guys like this feel unjustly victimized (rightly so, too), hurt and trapped with no way out. Some spiral into depression and either kill themselves or their children or their ex-wives (or very rarely the judge who wrecked them in the first place - hard to feel sorry for that one). Of course this is never a justification for murder, but remember that restraining orders mean nothing to someone who has nothing left to lose.

I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I can't help but believe that the lives of many of these women (and their men and children) would be saved just by treating the men in this difficult situation fairly. Divorced or no, most fathers still want to be with their children and to work to be able to look out for the well being of their children. Why are we letting the government interfere with this perfectly natural, wholesome impulse?

Divorce causes living standards to go down all around, for men and women both (maintaining multiple households is simply more costly). Also, no woman (or man) engaging in elective, frivolous divorce should ever have the right to expect to be maintained in the "standard to which she has become accustomed." One-sided divorce without serious grounds (especially when children are involved) should always place onerous penalizing consequences onto the initiator.

Oh, and a Post Script to whom it may concern:

Ad hominem attacks convince no one of anything (other than someone without manners is losing an argument). I generally see no point to them and avoid them.

Be advised that this is a public opinion forum where participants are encouraged to argue their points with both logic and passion. Please do your intellectual reputation here a favor and do not fall into the trap of confusing strong, but civil arguments on this forum between willing opponents with uninvited, uncivil rage directed at a hapless victim in private life. I'm certain most all of the men who have posted here have no trouble differentiating between the two.

Think well, see clearly. :)

Today a man needs a woman...
... like a bike needs a fish.

With a husband risking loss of liberty, his kids, 18 years of his income, and assets, among other things, it's wiser for a man to say "I don't" to a woman.

Men lose more in divorce over a long period of time with little or no help from others than compared to a woman.

It's not the woman's fault as women have not changed much in the past 6,000 years, but blame the last forty years of divorce court and western culture.

If you do not believe us, then go to your county's family court Monday through Wednesday between 9 and 11 AM to witness yourself. It's free and an invitation is not required.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_strike
Sign Up to Post Your CommentsSign Up to Post Your Comments
If you are already registered, click here to login. Otherwise, please take a few seconds to register with Townhall.com. Once you sign up, you’ll be able to post your comments immediately, use the action center, get podcasts, and more!
Note: Fields marked with a red asterisk (*) are required.
Salutation:
First Name:
*
Last Name:
*
Email:
*
Nickname:
*
Note: Nick name will be shown when you post comments.
Address 1:
*
Address 2:
City:
*
State:
*
Zip:
*
Phone:
      
Your daily must-read of conservative columns, cartoons and news. Coulter, Sowell, Krauthammer and more.
(Bi-Weekly) We highlight the best opportunities from our partners for surveys, action items and more.