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Monday, February 05, 2007
Paul Greenberg :: Townhall.com Columnist
Down With Self-Esteem
by Paul Greenberg
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Remember self-esteem? It was one of the sillier - and more dangerous - fads in educational circles, which keep going round and round. The theory was that promoting kids' self-esteem was going to convince them they were great. And it just might. But that's no guarantee they are great.

On the contrary, this kind of psychological scam could have the opposite effect. Having been told how well they're doing throughout their well-insulated school years, these kids could be in for the shock of their nice, cushioned lives when they're thrown into the real world. And discover that their education wasn't so great after all. Or that a better word for it might be shoddy. The realization might be so crushing they'd just give up.

Some of us had hoped this fad had come and gone. It had. But now it's come back. Bad ideas apparently never die; they just go underground for a while. There they lurk, like an infection, waiting to crop up again in the strangest places. As in a statement from Arkansas' new governor, Mike Beebe.

Governor Beebe came out against schools' sending reports home about overweight kids lest we hurt their "self-esteem." What kind of a report? It's called a body-mass index, which measures how fat or skinny a kid is-based on factors like height, weight, age and sex.

Why be concerned about kids' weight? Because obesity is a real problem in this country. It saps kids' mental and physical development, and can lead to serious problems down the road-like diabetes, stroke and heart attacks.

Overweight kids are also prime candidates for psychological disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Adolescents are notoriously sensitive about their appearance and their peers' opinion of it. The teasing that fatties get in school can be cruel - and lead them to do dangerous things.

A simple report from school about a child's weight might get parents' attention, or even move them to do something about their kid's dietary habits or lack of exercise. It's worth a try. We check kids' eyesight and hearing, don't we? Why not their physical fitness?

Because we're told it would hurt their self-esteem. Well, some kids have entirely too much self-esteem already. A geometry teacher I once knew had a phrase for it: climbing Fool's Hill. The tumble down can be painful. Are teachers even allowed to say such things any more? Or has it been decided that folk wisdom is psychologically impairing, too?

Some of these kids may be all et up with self-esteem, but they're woefully short on self-respect, which is quite another thing. Self-respect flows from self-discipline and the real achievement it leads to. It doesn't depend on psychological gamesmanship.

And it's not just kids. Have you taken a good look lately at American politics, academia, fashion, journalism and public life in general? It over-runneth with the kind of self-esteem that cometh before a fall.

There is such a thing as unearned grace - don't I know it! - but self-esteem is unearned folly. Its fruit is pride, not humility. You can tell a lot about an educational system by its vocabulary. When Calvinistic terms like grace and works are replaced by educantisms like self-esteem, you know the system's in trouble. Or is even to think on grace and works now considered a violation of the separation of church and state?

The mere mention of a religious idea in public has been known to make some of our more advanced thinkers break out in hives and litigation. As for those of us inclined to sneak a biblical allusion into our prose now and then, we need not fear; our "educated" classes may no longer recognize it.

The theory behind the Cult of Self-Esteem is simple: First get the cart, then put it before the horse. Just feel good about yourself and achievement will follow automatically. It would be too much to call this approach instant gratification; it's really more like pre-gratification.

What we have here is one more high-cost detour into the weedy lots of educanto. What a pity the self-esteem fad wasn't lost forever in all that verbal high grass.

Want to build real self-esteem, the kind that is the fruit of self-respect and not just an inadequate substitute for it?

Expect, even insist on, competence. Don't pretend it's there when it isn't. If that sounds too hard, that's the catch with self-respect - it has to be earned. Self-esteem, on the other hand, costs little or nothing. And it's worth just what you pay for it.

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Sending a note home telling parents
that their kids are fat...

Excuse me, but if they haven't noticed, perhaps the kids are in more serious trouble than being overweight.

My opinion about the obesity of children has to do with the fact that all the mommies and daddies are off at work.

If the kiddies are lucky, they have a housekeeper to come home to instead of an empty house. A housekeeper who never made it past the 6th grade, and barely knows English, who feeds them Mexican food, which is tasty, but not known to be diet food.

Or they come home and no one is there. They flip on the tube, and see a commercial for bite sized pizza snacks wit dippin' sauce. Yum! They eat the whole box. What's for dessert? Ice cream? Mom's not here, and she will be too tired to care if it is all gone.

How can one feel lonely and empty if Cap'n Crunch is around to drown one's sorrows?

Report Card on BMI
I agree that teachers should not send home this kind of report, but for completely different reasons than the good Governor.

Number one, the government is too deep into my personal private life already and I do not need them telling me my kids are fat.

Number two, sending a report home about how fat Jonny or Janey is will not hurt his or her already low self-esteem, their peers will do that for them. And their parents will re-inforce the behavior which got them there in the first place.

Which brings me back to number one; In a truly abusive situation, parental rights will be terminated and the children placed in the proper care. Government intrusiveness is not going to prevent bad situations from occurring. We do not want or need a government that tells us we are raising our children wrong, according to someone else's idea of right and wrong.

Probably the silliest thing
About the whole "self-esteem" movement was the belief that school bullies suffered from a lack of it. They kept parroting cliches' about "poor self-image", "bad homelife", and "lack of healthy self-regard", and believed that if you keep telling a bully that he (or she) is really a swell kid, they'll stop bullying others.

The only problem with this nice, neat theory is that most school bullies are petty egomaniacs who were spoiled by their parents from the cradle, told that whatever they wanted they should take, and that if anyone crossed them, they should "teach them their place". And of course, if the school authorities said anything to the parents (say, "Could you please tell Butch to stop kicking the littler boys in the n**ts every day at recess?"),they were met with a self-righteous pronouncement from said parents ("Our precious child can do no wrong").

And before anyone says I'm not qualified to state this, besides my own training in applied psychology, my mother worked for our local school system for 26 years, as a bus driver. So I saw all of this first-hand, from both a student's and a school employee's POV. She could recite the above litany from memory- because she heard it every time she was confronted with what is now euphemistically called a "difficult child".

And yes, she heard the "self-esteem" mantra as well. She didn't buy it.

cheers


eon

self esteem no substitute for knowledge
Fashionable and faddish educational theories in the last couple of decades have focused upon imbuing students with a sense of "self-esteem", often trumping archaic and old fashioned notions of comprehension of curricula.

It has had disastrous consequences. Greenberg has correctly highlighted the problem, but his example is trivial.

Imparting any "hurtful" or derogatory assessment of student performance must be avoided at all costs, due to the issue of self esteem.

Some avant-garde theorists within the teaching profession have dispensed with testing altogether, and purposely undermine the grading system by indiscriminately assigning "A"'s to most if not all students.

When a student is constantly assured he's doing well, and the grading system no longer assesses student comprehension of the curriculum, the result is the all-too-familiar remedial education in basic mathematics and english fluency U.S. companies are compelled to offer to their recently hired high school, and even college, graduates.

Those who earn degrees in the "hard" sciences and engineering are largely immune from this faddish phenomenon.

But in the "liberal arts" area, it is quite pervasive.

Self Esteem is earned.
First the Fat Nazi hypothesis: I attend a gym where no one believes the BMI is an accurate way to tell if someone is overweight or not. And besides that, I believe that there is something more dangerous than the shrieking in the papers and magazines and television programs about how FAT FAT FAT everyone is -- and that is the insistence on using models that are six feet tall and 110 lb. and making the majority of "hip" and "with-it" clothing for these skeletons and transvestites and them alone, with the implication that anybody whose normal weight is not more suitable for the Heroin Ward at the Charity Hospital is FAT.

I was a stick figure until I turned 40 when suddenly I put on 20 lb. and for the first time in my life I was what my doctor called a normal weight. It took me a long time to adjust to my new 'body image' and a good deal of the assistance came from the doctor who continued to reassure me that I was at the right weight and that I had never looked better. My kids are both thin, but if they were anxious about their weight I'd have them examined by their doctor and leave the decision to him as to what their weight ought to be. School teachers and administrators are not qualified to decide who's fat and who isn't, and frankly it is absolutely none of their business anyway. Why aren't they concentrating on the fact that my child can't figure a 20% discount even with a calculator? Or perhaps on the fact that the teacher herself says "Ah Axe" instead of "I ask"?

As far as the general issue of "self esteem" goes, there was an advertisement for Bank of America that ran last year that pretty well sums it all up. A bank manager recits the whole list of things that a smug-faced Yuppie Mom has demanded from him, adding the word "free" after each of these items. Finally the woman says in that voice that makes you want to slap her head around backwards, "I just don't think I should have to pay for any of it!"

That, in a nut shell, is the motto of the GrabbyBaby Generation, whose ambition in life is "Fame", who squall about "fairness" and "equality" and demand 'the right to be thought attractive' because they have no idea in the world that all these things must be EARNED. GrabbyMommy has reared them to believe that all they have to do is kick and scream (or, when older, march and chant) and everything will be handed over 'just to keep the peace'. When you've put the meddlers and Helicopter Moms in charge and handed them two generations of GrabbyBabies whose otto is Scream And You Will Receive, that's Exhibit A to the old Bible phrase "Sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind."

"Self-Esteem Studies"
One thing which dawned on me this weekend about "self-esteem" was that the Endemol game show "1 vs 100" is probably the perfect anti-self-esteem show, and even the perfect show to battle the trends in education today.

There are strangely written story problems, ways to make you think two things to get one answer (re: question on first US President: instead of wanting to know who, you had to know who and where he was born), a snarling mob of 100 who will taunt the one contestant, the mob is wanting to "kill" the contestant by having one wrong answer, the contestant taunts back and cheers for every "kill" he makes after a round, and I don't think anyone who is weak-kneed and into the self-esteem studies of Outcome-Based Education would even be able to face off against the 100 contestants on "1 vs 100," and unlike quizzes which have "fallback" money, there is no "fallback" here. You either win or lose, and the money goes to whoever wins -- the contestant or the mob. Upon scoring a kill, the mob splits the loser's cash -- watch as the five kids who scored a kill on an adult for not knowing the GSUSA and BSA share the same motto collect $18,800 for the kill.

Anyone with a self-esteem mindset with outcome-based education would be slaughtered on the instant.

This infection is epidemic
Try hiring one of these little "darlings" to do a job. They are lazy, ignorant and not worth the present minimum wage, but they do feel good about themselves. They show up 10-15 minutes late every morning, punch the clock and then find a hiding place to park their butts and day-dream about the new car, new house, and big boat they expect to own in a few months.

No wonder businesses will look for an illegal worker instead. At least they have a good work ethic, are quick and eager to learn and some even speak better English than the product our schools turn out.

The 40 year downward spiral of our education system is like the weather; everybody talks about it, but no one does anything. Typical liberalism - keep rewarding mediocracy until you reach complete and total failure.

What goes around...
goes around again and again if its a liberal mantra. This type of insanity will continue until we get the “big” government out of the schools and return it to the local governments. That will not happen until you get the courts out of the schools. Getting the courts out of the schools will not happen until you get the “right” to a free education out of the State constitutions. That has been the vehicle that the courts have used to insinuate the feds into your schools. The program would go like this: 1. Eliminate free education from the State Constitution. 2. Shut down ALL State and local government sponsored schools. 3. Invite private companies to start schools as local parents desire. 4. Invite local companies to create apprentice programs by providing tax incentives. 4. Establish a State or local agency that will provide aid for attending private schools based on means AND ability.

self esteem
I asked my Spanish language class to convert pesos to dollars..problem what would a 24 peso burrito cost in dollars with 10 pesos equaling one dollar. Immediately out came calculators and cell phones which I quickly prohibited. Out of 30 students a mere 4 could do a simple two digit long division problem! They can be in precalculus or have a 3.8 grade average and yet not do simple arithmetic. This is when I shot down any self esteem in my class and "lectured" on what they lacked in basic skills. Unbelievable...I don't teach math. I teach foreign languages...

What to do?
I particularly enjoyed Mr.Greenburg's statements about self-respect. The post from roadmaster sums it all up, for years it's been talk, talk talk. We're way past time for action. The members of congress have one answer, more money. We've tried this for years and it isn't working. I'm afraid the only answer is going to come from parents getting involved and demanding change. Sadly, I don't see that day coming. Let's face it, this whole system feeds into the average parent of today who just can't be bothered with their kids. When every kid is getting "A's" and all kids are "winners" there is no problem (except those pesky achievement tests) and so there's no need to delve deeper into the educational system. It's the perfect fix to problem parenting. It's working well for the social reformers though. We're graduating millions of self-inflated, self-centered know nothings with no work ethic and a huge entitlement mentality. It's the perfect setting to usher in the socialist agenda of the left.

I spent 25 years in a
minority inner city school where everyone was "brilliant" and everyone could do anything they wanted. The self esteem was always being pumped up, even when the child hadn't done a thing to earn it.

During those years I often wondered how many of those "inflated" children, upon entering the real world with weak skills blamed all their failures on "the Man" or our racist society. If they perceive that institutionalized racism is the reason for their lack of success, how many of them will continue to strive? Probably not as many as there would have been under more reasonable, realistic expectations. I always thought it did more harm than good.


Another
old-fashioned word for "self respect" is "pride".

Kids are full of ego today (most people are, in fact) but don't have much pride. Here, I define "ego" as that which you expect from others, and "pride" as that which you expect from yourself. There's a difference between, "I'm too good for them to treat me that way!" and "I'm too good to behave that way!"

I'd love to replace "self esteem" in schools with "pride" and "honor". Won't get any liberal "educators" to go along with that, though.

Ah, for the good ole days!
When it was: sit down, shut up, listen, learn to pass the test or find where you need improvement. My day.

My son's: sit down or take ritalin, be there all the time warming that seat, and at least make an attempt to answer a question.

My granddaughter: Sweet, precious child of course it isn't WRONG to bite Johnny, but we must concentrate a little more on celery and carrots to get your BMI to a more appropriate level.

Self-Esteem and the Princess Bride
Dread Pirate Roberts: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.

Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

[Roberts puts down the sword, and begins to pummel Fezzik, to no effect]

Dread Pirate Roberts: Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?

Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.

This horse has left the barn
From 20 years experience as a Naval officer (retired 2004), I can tell Mr. Greenberg that the self esteem wave hit long ago. By the end of my service, a majority of the incoming 19-year-olds had had the self esteem vaccine -- the one intended to inoculate them against any mental suspicion of not being immediately superb at everything.

The good news is that when they did hit the brick wall of uncompromising standards (no matter how you pep yourself up, there's no relativity in some facts, like what oil and heat do when mixed), the new young sailors mostly climbed the steep learning curve and got 'er done. One of the hardest things for them, as an aside, was physical training. The older I got, the better I did in comparison with 19-year-old boys. That's not good.

But our young people are salvageable, even those who never had to experience failure or challenge at all in their K-12 years (e.g., kids who never played on a team, or never did something else extracurricular, in a field with absolute standards). College is less and less likely to do the trick these days, and that's too bad. The military can be a better option if you want your high school graduate to learn discipline, teamwork, productivity, the ability to come back from failure, the satisfactions of a job well done, and what it means to care about others. (And for those who've been to college, by all means, apply for officer programs.)

I thank God that we are a non-militarized society, and that we only maintain the armed forces we need, to perform defense tasks. We don't inflate our ranks for the purpose of cultivating militarism in a populace subject to conscription. But there's nothing like the military to knock the unwarranted self esteem out of you, and replace it with the real thing. Go fot it if you can.

Teaching Self-esteem
The art of teaching dumb kids to feel good about the fact you didn't teach them anything.

Why do they have to screw with the education system? They have pretty well wrecked what was once a fairly competent operating machine.

Lots of folks went to the school of the 3-R's;

Eisenhower, Truman, Reagan, Nixon, Johnson all attended public school. Self-esteem was not part of the curriculum. Self-esteem was never a problem.

Of course baggy pants with the crack of one's azz showing, coeds in hot pants, mini skirts and all carrying cell phones was not in the curriculua either.

The ONLY folks today getting a primary education are those kids lucky enough the family can afford a private school....where DISCIPLINE is still enforced.

The Feel good theory
I remember the Feel Good theory of education. You can not know how to read or add two and two but as long as you feel good about it, it doesn't matter.

Alternate To Corporal Punishment
Even when I was in school the girls were treated much differently than the boys in the discipline areas. Today discipline, all punishment is verbotten. So. You have an unruly student, the parent is summoned to the school the FIRST offense, not the 5th or 6th. And every offense after that the parent is summoned to the school to "discuss" or whatever reason. Should the parent fail to show up, the kid is held in 'juvie' until the parent can go claim him and then come to the school for a "discussion". That gets the parents involved without having to lambast little Johnny or Janey. Enough trips to the school by the parents and little 'J' will either shape up or ship out. Either way the classroom is quieter and more settled.

Self-esteem is inherent
Every person ever born was born with self-esteem AKA a sin nature. Look up the definition for self-esteem. The most famous personality loaded with self-esteem is Lucifer AKA Satan. He had so much self-esteem he challenged God's authority by trying to overthrow him. His delusion was that since he was one of God's perfect angelic creations, created to praise him constantly in His presence He had the right to seat himself above God.

The rest is history much to mankinds chagrin. The first parents had an abundance of self-esteem also, so much so they accepted Satan's promise of being equal to God --- been the cause of trouble since the world began.

Then liberals, slaves to self-esteem came along and decided to immerse our children in the poison of self-esteem. They needn't have bothered since we are all born with it. It is an inherent part of our human nature. Ohe yeah, self-esteem is also called SELFISH.

Pappy M.
I agree wholeheartedly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AMEN!
This whole self-esteem gobblety gook has been one of the most detrimental things to ever happen to our children. We now have a generation of selfish, egotistical, self-absorbed brats who think the world owes them a living!

The Bible says to "esteem others before yourself". Wise words indeed. My husband took a class in police burnout (he's a chaplain). Police officers who volunteered in their community and were involved in their churches had considerably less instances of burn out or depression. Those officers who did not attend church or volunteer in their community had a much higher rate of depression, burnout, broken marriages and suicide. Putting the needs of others over ourselves brings a peace and satisfaction that self-esteem could NEVER bring. Imagine what would happen if we all practiced this!

The phrase itself should set off red flags - SELF esteem! Selfishness is a pariah in our society today. People get so bent out of shape if their latte is too hot at Starbucks, or if someone cuts in front of you on the freeway. GET OVER IT! People make mistakes and it's no big deal! But our society has been pumped with this self-esteem garbage and we have become a society of selfish, demanding brats. Just look at the young people in the news today.... Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan..... all products of the "self esteem" culture. No thank you!

The old adage "it's better to give than to receive" could never be truer. It's time our society learned that and stopped being so self-centered.

Too many people are kids who grew up
with a false sense of self-esteem. Now these puffed up ego-maniacs bull their way around in public double-dog-daring you to get in their way.
These people have been wronged by schools and other leaders making them so proud of themselves.

There is a difference
Between selfishness, egotism and self-esteem. No, I don't buy for a minute any communist garbage that says you think think of others before yourself. Think of others, yes. But not all others, and not always before yourself (another little quality we've been granted that's been forcibly suppressed in recent decades... "judgement".) Just as there's a time to use violence and a time not to use violence, there's a time to think of yourself and a time to think of others.


The problem with this new "self-esteem" is that it's FAKE. Real self-esteem, as some here have said, comes from accomplishment. From real success, not mealy-mouthed words from a social worker who's own self-esteem depends on her feelings of superiority to children.

"The surest path to 'self-esteem'
is ACCOMPLISHMENT."

My father taught me this. My sister and I have lived by that rule ever since, even as our teachers tried to tell us that we should look on ourselves as "terrific" just for being alive. We were blessed to have a mom and dad who expected us to learn and study and achieve (but never deprived us of affection if we disappointed them, as we did on occasion), and who did NOT fill our heads with the noxious poison that "everything we did was okay."

On the issue of BMI, I agree with Pappy Michael. Schools should confine their efforts to educating the students, not to pointing out to parents what ought to be obvious to them (i.e. that their kids are overweight). All these little efforts to legislate good parenting and individual decision-making (e.g. the Trans Fat ban in New York) are leading us down a dangerous road.

But "self-esteem" is bunkum. As this article rightly points out, what young people should seek is not self-esteem but self-RESPECT. To all those who want to feel good about themselves, I have only this to say:

DO something. Get involved in some ACTIVITY that you love, something you're interested in, something you're good at. Make a contribution. Enjoy the thrill of achievement, a high no drug can duplicate. Both parents and children would find themselves much happier and more confident if they did this.

Unfortunately, the "self-esteem promoters" are doing their best to cut Achievement, the REAL Anti-Drug, off at the knees, some even going so far as to question the validity of assigning grades. Aren't we getting even a LITTLE tired of this yet? Or have we grown so addicted to the "I'm Okay, You're Okay" philosophy that we cling to it even as we see our children suffer from it?

jdw
Sorry, dude; we must have been posting so close together that I didn't realize I'd basically been repeating you until after it was too late. Anyway, I agree wholeheartedly with your post.

"Some of us had hoped this fad had come
and gone. It had."

No, it hadn't. It may have lost a little steam there for a bit, but it was never close to "gone." Otherwise, great column. Key quote:

"Some of these kids may be all et up with self-esteem, but they're woefully short on self-respect, which is quite another thing. Self-respect flows from self-discipline and the real achievement it leads to. It doesn't depend on psychological gamesmanship."

Best said by O'Rourke & Kipling
But then, they usually do say it better than anyone else.

In the October 1993 edition of Esquire magazine, P.J. O'Rourke's contribution to the article, "Sixty Things A Man Should Know" began as follows;

"Get an education- a classical education filled with Plato, Cato, Pliny the Elder, Pliny Junior, and Cicero by the yard; with Marathons of an un-Boston kind and Hannibals who cross the Alps, not Jodie Foster; an education that includes Pythagoras' theorem, Zeno's paradox, Occam's razor, the rest of Occam's toilet kit, some basic science (nothing beyond a Bunsen burner), and a few of the mustier works of great literature.(What is Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?)

"The entire British Empire was built by young men who'd studied nothing but Latin, Greek, and plane geometry. They graduated from college, were sent out to rule India, and telegraphed home;

'People here acting as though they were in the Iliad. Have figured all the angles. Send pecunia.'"

The bottom line being, if you know what the facts are, and can tell the difference between reality and fantasy, you don't need "self-esteem". Instead, you have proof that you are at least half as good as you think you ought to be. All you have to do then, is work hard to gain the other half.

And then, as Kipling said,

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son!"

-"If", Rudyard Kipling

cheers

eon

bmi is bogus
when will people learn that the bmi index is bogus!!

don't believe me, check it out.
look at the cornerbacks and safeties in the NFL, the pro BB players, even the fastest humans on earth.

do they meet the magic BMI numbers? no they are either in the well overweight or the obese range.

if you have ANY muscle mass at all you are going to be close to overweight or obese.

kids may be fat, but let's not use a BS measurement like BMI to justify it.

btw:
i think that mountain rose and others are right. the parents are not home very much and a lot of kids are latch key kids. in addition, kids do not get together and play like they used to. they are conditioned to need a coach and a ref. when i suggest pick up games they look at me like i am crazy.

it may be that everyone is lawsuit paranoid. a lot of schools do not want or permit unsupervised games after school. i mean what if someone turns an ankle and sues.

we've sued for a world like this and these are the fruits that are reaped. we cannot be complaining about it.

Hi--rise High
Maybe we should make schools like hi-rise offices; except with no elevators and the cafeteria on the top floor. That ought to get them lean.

Child Abuse
I tend to take a radical view of absurd educational theories that are put into practice using defenseless children as lab rats: It's purely and simply child abuse. So too is "educators" telling children WHAT to think rather than teaching them how to think and emphacizing the importance of developing critical analytical skills. Some basic math, language skills and non-PC American and world history don't hurt either. Beyond that, if it is part of some modern agenda, it's also child abuse and ANY such abuse ought to be punishable.

Theory
Self-esteem is a bastardized offshoot of the drug-addled philosophy of the sixties: If it feels good, do it. That puts "feeling good" at the center of a "value system." Sick, sad and destructive - and those are the good points.

Child Abuse
Although I too am troubled by government intrusion into private affairs, I would like to take a slightly different tack with it. I'm not sure if I know the answer to this myself.

At the school where I teach, we have an elementary student who is grossly overweight. He is heavier than many of my high school students, no exaggeration.

Our elementary principal made a remark the other day that has bothered me ever since. If this kid was starved, she would have to turn his family in for abuse. However, even though this kid is obviously suffering similar neglect, she cannot do anything about it.

Frankly, I can't decide what to think. Part of me believes in individual choices and responsibility (and government keeping its nose out of private affiars). The other part of me sees a boy who is neglected and lives in a "family" where food substitutes for love.

Hi--rise High
and walking to and from High School, gym classes with swiming, boxing, dodge-ball (all the "bad stuff") all worked wonders. Hardly any "fatties" in my class in 1950.

Are we confusing the means and the end?
When I read what all of you have written, I'm struck by the consistency of concern. I'm also struck by the confusion within the issue.

It isn't the concept of self-esteem that is bad, it's the method used to achieve it or encourage it that is significantly lacking.

To value oneself after recognizing one's strengths and weaknesses is to find peace within and have the emotional/psychological energy to work on improving both. BUT to focus on supposed strengths, or to ignore the weaknesses, is a recipe for the mental illness you all so eloquently wrote about.

Self-esteem is an important aspect of being able to get up and face each day despite the trials and (sometimes) sheer agony in one's life. He who has endured never-ending criticism from a closed-minded or shortsighted boss must have some self-esteem in order to stick it out until something better comes along. But to encourage self-esteem over matters that are truly in need of attention is to encourage denial, justification, and an undercurrent of anxiety. That's the incorrect application that rightfully concerns you all.

I believe we should use language in appropriate ways (and stop getting hung up about "PC") but we should not attack a person. Is the child obese/incompetent in some academic area? If yes, the term applies, so far as it pertains to the condition the child has. But then help the child address the obesity/incompetency in a respectful, encouraging manner. We do no service when we label a person the condition that person may have. His/her body may be obese (and, to most of society, therefore worthless), but the person inside is still valuable. He/she may have autism, Down Syndrome, or Conduct Disorder, but he/she is NOT the disorder, no more than any person is "depression" simply because they experience depression.

So while I agree that the "self-esteem" movement as currently bastardized is creating a huge set of problems, I would appreciate it if we'd focus on the bastardization and not the true concept. Let's work to help all people equally value all others, no matter what their strengths or weaknesses may be.

I know, tall order.

Self-Esteem Example
A perfect example of the effects of the "self-esteem-based education" is the show American Idol. Here we see people who haven't the slightest bit of talent who, when told they have no talent, freak out. Nobody has ever told them that they are pursuing the wrong line of work. If you really love someone you take them aside and tell them "hey, you've got spinach between your teeth - you need to clean it off."

btw - BMI is for sedentary people - the slightest effort towards athletics blows it out of the water
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