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Memory is not the mere recollection of fact, as anyone who's tried to record
his memories will know. As in a dream, the landscape alters. Times are
jumbled, locations are switched, people misidentified. Emotions when
recollected may be intensified or softened, recalled exactly or artfully
rearranged, even invented.
I was five years old when I started public school, so I will not take a
petrified oath that it happened just this way. But the memory of that day
comes back whenever I have a particular kind of cheese sandwich, my
equivalent of Proust's madeleine. The other day the memory was triggered by
a story in the Wall Street Journal. ("Reports Warns Influx/of Hispanics in
South/Creates School Crisis.")
In my five-year-old's world, which centered about the kitchen in back of the
store on Texas Avenue in Shreveport, people were divided into basically two
classes: shopkeepers and customers. There were two languages, Yiddish and
English. One for home and one for the street. Hebrew was reserved for
prayers and special occasions; no one actually spoke it. It was like the
Passover dishes, stored upstairs in dusty boxes.
But I was about to enter a different world now. My mother took me to the
trolley that day and told the driver where to let me off. "You be nice to
them," my mother had told me, "and they'll be nice to you."
Even then I could sense when she was putting on a brave front. There was
something fearful behind her assurances, and I caught it. I envied her. She
didn't have to get on the scary-looking trolley with the mean-looking
driver. Or wonder how to reach the cord if you wanted to get off. What would
happen if you pulled it too soon? Would you have to get off anyway? What if
you pulled it too late? Better not to do anything at all and call attention
to yourself, but then you would keep riding forever. ...
At school, when the bell rang, I found my class and tried to follow what the
teacher was saying. I didn't get every word or even most of them; her
language, her clothes, her stiffness were all new to me, and I couldn't help
staring.
She kept addressing someone named Y'all, and telling us to do things, but I
had no idea what was expected of me. In the end I settled for watching the
other kids and trying to copy whatever they did, though not very well.
I'd been drilled in Sir and Ma'am, but I hadn't yet mastered Please and
Thank You, and they seemed terribly important to the teacher, and hard to
remember.
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