Dear Appalachian State University (ASU) President (peacockke@appstate.edu):

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am a Republican faculty member at your university. I say ?your? university because I do not feel that I fit in and, for the time being, wish to remain anonymous. I am also hoping that you will consider some of the harassment complaints I wish to register against the university in this brief letter.

In order to better understand the definition of harassment, I went to the ASU Equity Office website. Here are some examples they provided. Below some of the examples, I have suggested how I think they have been violated:

? telling racist, sexist, homophobic jokes that demean people because of their protected class membership.

Recently, one of my colleagues told a ?How many straight guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? joke in the office. I am assuming that when you use the term ?homophobic? you are referring to all those gay people who are afraid of heterosexuality. In that context, I feel that the light bulb joke is a harassing homophobic joke. Please legitimate my feelings by charging the offenders immediately.

? commenting inappropriately on someone?s appearance.

Someone in the office complimented me on my last haircut. Please give this matter your immediate attention.

? repeatedly requesting dates from a person who clearly isn?t interested.

? stating that people of one sex are inferior to people of the other sex or can?t perform their jobs as well as a result of their sex; labeling people and jobs due to sex or other protected class membership.

? sexual innuendoes & comments.

One of my colleagues was talking about objects (sex toys) she liked to insert into her rectum. Are those considered to be innuendos? By the way, she happens to be Italian.

? direct or indirect threats or bribes for unwanted sexual activity.

? intrusive sexually explicit questions.

? sexually suggestive sounds or gestures.

Recently, one of my students failed a test. When I passed back her paper, she said, ?Oh dear God. Oh my God.? Such orgasmic imitations are clearly beyond the scope of proper classroom conduct. Please investigate immediately.

? touching, patting, pinching, stroking, squeezing, tickling or brushing against a person.

Someone bumped into me in the cafeteria last week. It was uncomfortable. Now I know that it was harassment. I plan to look at the yearbook until I identify the perpetrator. I will be in touch soon.

? ogling or leering at a woman?s breast or a man?s derriè²¥.

I just wanted to know whether looking at a man?s breast or a woman?s derriere counts. Also, how many seconds can I look before the ?look? becomes an ?ogle? or a ?leer.? Continued...