Dear Oberlin College Division of Student Life and Services:

I recently read your advertisement seeking applications for the position of Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/ Transgender/Queer and Questioning Community Coordinator in the Multicultural Resource Center at Oberlin College. I believe that I am perfect for this full-time, twelve-month administrative and professional staff position, which reports to the Associate Dean of Students and Director of the Multicultural Resource Center. I am definitely not “questioning” my interest in this position. I am ready to begin as LGBTQQCC ASAP!

In your ad, you mention that the incumbent will have responsibility for assessing and addressing the specific cultural/social/ political needs and concerns of LGBTQQ students while also working with other students who belong to historically disenfranchised communities. Among the other groups you list are: Africana, Asian/Pacific American, Latino/Latina, Native American, and multiracial communities, first-generation and, finally, low-income college students.

I want to make it very clear that I am willing to work with any students who are not both pure bred Caucasian and heterosexual – unless, of course, they are first-generation or poor. Also, as one who is 1/32 Native American I subscribed to the belief that with a single drop of non-white blood one ceases to be a Caucasian. I learned this from my relatives in Mississippi and Alabama.

As a member of the Multicultural Resource Center staff, I understand that the LGBTQQCC acts as a link between the Associate Dean/Director and LGBTQQ students, as well as between the Multicultural Resource Center and the rest of the College communities. I also understand that additional responsibilities include, but are not limited to, the following:

*Identify the social, cultural, educational, and political needs of LGBTQQ students, as well as those of other student communities.

* Under the direct supervision and guidance of the Associate Dean/Director, assist LGBTQQ students to foster a strong sense of self, to strengthen individual communities, and to build coalitions with other departments and communities.

* Assist the Associate Dean of Students/Director in identifying the concerns of LGBTQQ students, as well as those of Africana, Asian/Pacific American, Latino/Latina, Native American and multiracial communities, as well as first-generation and low-income college students.

* Work as part of a collaborative team that includes the Associate Dean of Students/Director, the Africana Community Coordinator, the Asian/Pacific American Community Coordinator, and the Latino/Latina Community Coordinator.

* Collaborate on diversity and multicultural education workshops and trainings.

* Help to create connections between the LGBTQQ community at Oberlin College and the LGBTQQ community in the greater Cleveland area.

I noted in your ad that you require a B.A. degree in LGBT and Queer Studies, Sexuality Studies, African American Studies, American Studies, Ethnic Studies, Gender and Women's Studies, or related field. I hope you will consider the fact that my PhD in Criminology was actually granted in a sociology department. In order to get a PhD in a sociology department one has to study at least as much worthless “scholarship” as one has to study to obtain a Queer Studies degree. I hope you agree and will, therefore, consider me to be qualified.

I also noted that you require “experience working with the issues and concerns of LGBTQQ students.” I have long recognized the fact that the LGBTQQ community has issues – for example, anti-religious bigotry - and I have addressed their issues in numerous columns. I hope you will, therefore, consider me qualified in this regard.

Among your “desired qualifications” I noticed you listed “experience working with the issues and concerns of students of color especially within a higher education context.” Given the paucity of “people of color” at my present institution, UNC-White, I consider this the weak point of my application. I hope you will consider my other strengths including my firm commitment to immediately bring “white” and “colored” restrooms back to higher education. This will be possible after we get rid of the “men’s” and “women’s” restroom distinction that so clearly discriminates against our LGBTQQ brothers and sisters – as well as those who are not sure whether they are our brothers or our sisters.

Your ad indicates that “Salary is competitive and commensurate with experience and skills for an entry level administrative position.” I am willing to waive my salary as LGBTQQCC at Oberlin because I am sure that enough material will come from this job to make millions on books, speeches, and columns.

Along with this email, I will send a letter of application, résumé and the names and addresses of three references to: LGBTQ Community Coordinator Search, Oberlin College, 135 West Lorain Street, Wilder Hall 105, Oberlin, OH 44074.

I will also urge other academic dissidents to do the same.