I’m sick and tired of getting propaganda from leaders of the diversity movement at my university. For years, our diversity movement has lacked principle and has invariably excluded certain groups – oddly, while trying to foster “inclusion.” The following email - sent by a Women’s Resource Center (WRC) graduate assistant to UNC-Wilmington faculty and staff - is illustrative of my problem with the entire movement:

“Greetings Vagina Lovers:

This year the UNCW Women's Studies & Resource Center will be holding cast auditions for the The Vagina Monologues, which will be performed on Sunday, February 17, 2008 at Lumina Theater on the UNCW campus.

The audition will be held on Friday, January 11, 2008 at 6:00pm in Cameron Hall 105 (Auditorium).

If you are interested in auditioning for the 2008 cast, please contact me, Melissa Ennis, at melissaennis79@yahoo.com to obtain a copy of the script.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. If you cannot make it to the audition, but still want to participate in the show, please let me know ASAP.

Thanks again and we look forward to seeing you at the audition!

~Melissa Ennis
Melissa L. Ennis
Graduate Assistant - Women's Resource Center …”

This email really is the height of self-absorption – even if you ignore the fact that Melissa Ennis felt compelled to repeat her own name four times in the same email. Whether she chooses to identify herself as “Me, Melissa Ennis,” “MelissaEnnis79,” “Melissa Ennis,” or “Melissa L. Ennis” is irrelevant. In fact, I won’t even mention it unless, of course, she sets an Ennis World Record for self-infatuation (this not to be confused with self-stimulation, which is another favorite pastime of university feminists).

However, I do feel a need to mention that “Me, Melissa L. Ennis 79” may have offended at least three protected groups at UNCW with her highly insensitive email, which assumed, quite crassly, that everyone at our university is a “vagina lover.” The potentially offended groups follow:

1. Homosexual men. Obviously, gay men are part of a protected class. And, obviously, if a man is inclined to have sex with other men, he is not a “vagina lover.” He is a (offensive term deleted) lover. By failing to address him properly, the university engages in unlawful discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all gay men on campus. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Lovers.”

2. Good-Looking and Promiscuous Heterosexual Women. These women are clearly part of a protected class. I know this because the WRC is always giving these women condoms (Author’s Note: The WRC makes condoms available to all women but the better looking ones are more likely to accept the offer. This is assumed to be a function of their awareness that they are more likely to have sex than other, less attractive women). They also set up display booths showing them how to put the condoms on a cucumber (Another Author’ Note: This is sometimes done in front of grade school children who a) happen to be visiting campus, and b) happen to have parents who fail to warn them to stay away from feminists holding vegetables).

Obviously, women who are attractive and easy are less inclined to go home alone and engage in self-stimulation. In other words, there is no real evidence that they are, in fact, vagina lovers. And, clearly, by failing to address these women properly, the university is engaging in look-ism. And since sleeping around is just another type of orientation to sex, the university is discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation.

This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all attractive and easy women on campus. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Lovers.”

3. Women Contemplating Sex Changes. There can be little doubt that these soon-to-be-ex-women are part of a protected class in our society (Just look at all the bathroom doors on college campuses that are adorned with question marks). Nor can there be much doubt that these women hate their vaginas. Hence, the desire for surgery. Clearly, by failing to address these women properly, the university is engaging in discrimination on the basis of gender identity.

This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all of the campus women contemplating sex changes. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Seekers.”

Whether you are a gay man, an attractive ho, or a future ex-woman, please write to Melissa Ennis to share your concerns. And, please, forward any response that you get. I’m looking forward to participating in The Vagina Dialogues.