Shortly after 911 one of my conservative friends said that the country was going to hell in a hand basket. He declared that the conservative movement had officially lost its way in America and that the fall of the republic was near. I disagreed with him then. But I must admit that the current selection of Republican candidates has me more worried than I’ve ever been.

Despite the negative outlook, I think there is one last chance for America to regain its past glory and, perhaps, to turn back the tide of socialism that threatens our future prosperity. This last chance comes in the form of a single piece of legislation which, if passed, will cure almost all of what is ailing America. I know that seems like an extreme position but I think it can be argued persuasively.

If you are not convinced that the Fair Tax is the single greatest piece of legislation ever written, please take the time to list half a dozen things you hate about the current political climate in America. Then consider seriously the effect the Fair Tax would have upon that which you dislike about this country. I’ve done so in the space just below:

Jesse Jackson. Recently, I heard something really stupid coming from a black man. He said that the “3/5 of a person” racism of the 18th Century was still a reality in the 21st century. As evidence supporting his claim, he said that a black family makes about 3/5 as much as a white family makes today. I didn’t bother trying to challenge his statistics because I’m just so damned tired of these arguments about “institutional” racism.

The reason why there is black/white income disparity in America is because white people control all of the large corporations. But those large corporations were medium sized corporations before they were dubbed “large.” Before that, they were small businesses.

We’ll never solve this racial disparity issue until at least a quarter of a century after there is an explosion in black-owned small businesses. That cannot happen as long as a poor black man has to hire an attorney to set up his business (for tax purposes) and an accountant (to help him navigate the tax code) before he hires a single worker – one who is not employed for the sole purpose of dealing with tax issues too complicated for the average business owner to understand.

The Fair Tax will solve these problems by abolishing the IRS. Within ten years, I predict that the black/white income disparity will be cut in half. In 25 years, it will be virtually non-existent. When this happens, we will no longer have to listen to racial antagonists like Jesse Jackson. Some day, people like Jackson can go back to counseling adulterous presidents while themselves committing adultery.

Al Sharpton. I don’t like Al Sharpton. He once sodomized a white friend of mine and wrote “cracker” on his forehead after smearing him in fecal matter. Actually, that isn’t true. But I thought that telling outrageous lies about racial incidents that never occurred would land me a regular spot as a race relations expert on The O’Reilly Factor. But, in all seriousness, the reason we won’t have to listen to this national embarrassment in the aftermath of the fair tax is the same as above.

Local Government Waste. Just a few miles from my house, the local government has been over-seeing the expansion of 2.3 miles of road connecting Market Street with Oleander Drive. They have been working on this project for 42 months. If they were to complete the work today, that would come to an average 556 days per mile. Why does it take 556 days per mile to turn a two lane road into a four lane road?

During the last 42 months I have heard some local politicians talk about re-naming Market Street because it might be offensive to blacks (reminding them of the local slave market which happens to have been located near Market and Water Streets in downtown Wilmington). But what offends me is that it takes government contractors 42 months to extend 2.3 miles of road. The Fair Tax is the only thing that can help.

By constantly reminding people of government spending (23% on every purchase) the Fair Tax is a powerful psychological weapon in the war against government waste – whether local, state, or federal. As long as the IRS uses the withholding tax scheme, people will remain ignorant and apathetic with regard to government spending.

Global Warming. For the record, I am a staunch supporter of global warming. I prefer seeing women in bikinis as opposed to mini-skirts and snow boots. But I cannot applaud all of this senseless research on global warming. The Fair Tax will help us cut down on all forms of senseless government spending including, of course, excessive federal research grants. If we do not do something soon, we will soon see Volvos with “Stop Continental Drift” bumper stickers next to the ones saying “Stop Global Warming.”

Marxist Feminists. Marxists feminists are simply irritating. I know, because I work with these people. They are incapable of interacting with men – especially capitalist men – without allowing their sexism and their ideology to cloud their judgment. Sadly, one of these people has a good chance of becoming president. Marxist feminists will never again be taken seriously after the Fair Tax is enacted. This is because no brand of Marxism will ever again be taken seriously.

The ACLU. Ever get tired of hearing about prayer in schools and the intelligent design debate? Me too.

The ACLU has made a living off of litigating “separation of church and state” cases in our public schools. It has made a lot of conservatives ask what can be done to eliminate the ACLU from America. But I propose that we solve the problem by eliminating public education from America, which will indirectly eliminate the ACLU. There aren’t enough nativity scenes to keep these people in business without our failing public education system to help them get by.

With the aforementioned psychological leverage provided by the Fair Tax, we will no longer have to worry about the public dumping more money into the sinking ship that is know as public “education.” And once we have private education we will again be able to teach about the evils of socialism and government waste to children not under the supervision of unqualified educators drawing a paycheck from a government that is performing functions it was never meant to perform.

Aside from ending sentences with prepositions, there are few tasks this brilliant piece of legislation is not completely up to. If we can just find a president who is committed to the Fair Tax our best days may be yet to come.

Dr. Adams insists that you log on to Boortz.com and FairTax.org for more information. In his next column, he will explain what the Fair Tax can do for herpes, hemorrhoids, and male pattern baldness.