Yates stopped short of saying that all satire must come with a pre-approval label saying: WARNING! YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ SATIRE!
From there, the intellectual sophistication of the senate discussion reached new heights. They even discussed whether the CRs were guilty of “false advertising” for writing the satire.
But Yates stopped short of saying that Jonathan Swift should be exhumed and tried for false advertising. Referring to Swift, Yates said “He never really ate any American children! The lying bastard!” WARNING: THE PREVIOUS TWO LINES WERE ONLY SATIRE! (The previous warning was approved by the University of Rhode Island Student Body Senate Satire Committee, which may or may not actually exist).
Senator Jesse Whitsitt-Lynch pointed out that the First Amendment does not guarantee a right to commit fraud. Dr. Mike S. Adams responded by saying that a college education does not guarantee that you will not grow up to be a dumb-ass. But a hyphenated name virtually guarantees you will grow up to be a narrow- minded feminist.
Ryan Bilodeau was right when he suggested that the Senate really wanted to force the CRs to state that they are a) racist b) heterosexist c) ethnocentric and d) sexist. That is why the student representatives voted by a two-thirds majority to uphold the punishment originally handed out.
And, now, on the verge of being banned from Europe, I’m looking for a good place to take a vacation and write my third book called “Redneck Jihad.” It will be full of unidentified satire, so you can bet it won’t be written in Rhode Island.
Dr. Adams’ second book “Feminists Say the Darnedest Things” will be published on October 4th. |