As part of a role-playing exercise, a white Christian student was asked to pretend that he was a gay Hispanic trying to enter a church congregation (He was playing the role of a black gay cowboy until someone made a crude joke about watermelon flavored Jolly Ranchers). He was denied entrance by a white woman who told him “his kind” wasn’t welcome, that he was an “abomination” and an “unforgivable sinner,” and that he was “going to hell” because “Jesus said so in the Bible.”

At first the incident seems like a routine attack upon orthodox Christians – all in the name of tolerance and diversity. But it isn’t. The woman playing the Christian was levying her attacks on the “gay Hispanic” in a thick fake Southern accent, which goes to show that some stereotypes are more acceptable than others in the twisted culture of cultural diversity.

(Author’s note: Some animals are considered more equal than others, too, with the possible exception of the possum and armadillo, which are generally only appreciated by poor white Southerners).

Like all of my columns on the whacky world of academia, I expect this one will bring in a lot of mail from people asking for a solution. This pervasive problem of anti-Southern bigotry does indeed demand a solution. And, fortunately, I have one.

This afternoon, I’m writing a letter to Chancellor Rosemary DePaolo (chancellor@uncw.edu) asking her to take a leadership role by initiating and developing the first Redneck Resource Center right here at UNC-Wilmington.

After all, we already have an “African American Center,” a “Women’s Resource Center,” and a new “El Centro Hispano.” Southerners need a place where they open up a can of Lone Star, chew on some beef jerky, and maybe even have sex with a distant cousin without fear of moral condemnation.

But most of all we need a place to escape from Yankee hypocrisy and elitist social stereotypes. I hope y’all aren’t offended by the abrupt ending to this rather unusual column. Sunday dinner is just a few hours away and I’ve got a possum waiting in the oven.