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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Michael Reagan :: Townhall.com Columnist
Child Abuse Worsens as Families Change
by Michael Reagan
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Child abuse is growing out of control here in America, and there’s a good reason why: the traditional family is coming apart at the seams.

According to reports made to state agencies, there were 900,000 incidents of child abuse in 2005 alone. These raw numbers give no clue just how much child abuse correlates with parents’ marital status or the make-up of the victim’s household, although these are vitally important factors in child abuse cases. The proof is in the news far too often.

Nothing is more important to child welfare than living within the bosom of a stable family, and nothing is more destructive to their well-being than being forced to live in a fatherless household where dad is replaced by the live-in boyfriend, or as is often the case, by a series of live-in boyfriends.

In almost all cases of horrific child abuse that is exactly the situation of the victim. Nobody is more at risk today than children living in fatherless homes where the mother’s boyfriend is sharing her bed while avoiding the commitment of marriage, or a new husband views her children as unwanted consequences of the new marriage.

You have young women who for one reason or another have not gotten the love of their child’s father, their former husband, who confuse sex with love, and give no thought to the consequences of bringing a man who has no emotional ties with their children into their homes and expect them to act as substitute dads.

In pursuit of maintaining their so-called relationship, many allow these men to beat their children, often as punishment for having disturbed the boyfriend in some way, such as crying or soiling their diapers.

It never occurs to them that in most cases the boyfriend views their child as an inconvenience to be put up with as a price for getting sex without commitment. Yet they do not hesitate to put their child in his care, especially if she is the breadwinner in the household while the often-jobless boyfriend stays home with their son or daughter and lives on her income.

We read about the deadly consequences children pay for being forced to live in these circumstances where they find themselves in a home where their real father is no longer present and a stranger is taking his place.

A tragic case in point involved two-year-old Riley Ann Sawyers whose body was found in Galveston Bay, in a plastic box, on Oct. 29. Riley’s mom and real dad were not married and had split up and gone their separate ways.

Her mother, 19-year-old Kimberly Dawn Trenor met Royce Clyde Zeigler II a couple of years ago while playing an online game, World of Warcraft, according to the Associated Press, which reports that she moved with her daughter from Ohio to Spring Texas and married Zeigler.

In a statement to police, first reported by Houston television station KTRK, Trenor said that she and Zeigler, 24, killed her daughter last July 24.

She said that the little girl was beaten with leather belts, had her head held underwater in a bathtub and then was thrown across a room, her head slamming into a tile floor, and added that they kept the body in a storage shed for one to two months before they put it in a plastic bin and dumped it into Galveston Bay.

Sadly, we read about this kind of outrage all the time. We are appalled that it happens but we are unwilling to look at the causes. Americans have said that they are willing to accept all these distortions of family life and they do not dare to define marriage as a lasting arrangement between a man and a woman. Nowadays, marriage is whatever aberration we say it is.

We don’t want to offend anybody, and while we are avoiding offending single mothers living with their current boyfriends, or men and women who treat their marriage vows as temporary arrangements without regard to the damaging effect divorce has on the kids, children are being beaten and children are dying.

And in the face of all of this, Massachusetts is worried about spanking.

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About The Author
Michael Reagan, the eldest son of Ronald Reagan, is heard daily by over 5 million listeners via his nationally syndicated talk radio program, “The Michael Reagan Show.”
The Galveston tragedy
I live in Texas, and that has of course been in the news. What a horrible thing to happen. Clearly this young woman had no business having a child, or at any rate keeping the child; how much better would it have been for Riley if she'd been given up for adoption and raised in a loving home where she would have been cherished instead of tortured?

Noelegy
I'm in SA, and have also been following it. This is beyond tragic, and I agree that, if she had been 'adult enough' to get pregnant, she should have been adult enough to recognize the responsibility that comes with a child. Otherwise, adoption is a great alternative where the interest of the child would be placed foremost. Now, Baby Grace is with the angels, where her mother, such as she was, can't hurt her.

Things are worse for children on MANY
levels.

Broken families and thoughtless procreation are the spawn of malignant self-entitlement that is often mistakenly called "freedom" and "rights". The trouble is, malignant self-entitlement ALWAYS demands a blood sacrifice, ALWAYS; and the blood is most often that of the children.

The ghoulish accompaniment of moral relativsm and rights without responsibilities has done further damage by rendering any help for abused children often impossible to deliver. So, not only are kids abused in a variety of vile and soul-killing ways, but their abusers are escorted and protected by the very "services" that are supposed to protect the kids!

I have perhaps thousands of case in points at this this time in my career, but a well publicized example of this reality is the 25 year old teacher who ran off to Mexico with a 13 year old "sould mate". The insufferabley romantic educator has an 8 year old daughter, and the director of child protective services for the state reported that this incident "isn't proof that she is an unfit mother", and that "maybe she is a perfectly fit mother for the little girl" and to "get off her back". I see this sort of stupidity ALL THE TIME. Kids in the system feel trapped and crazy because they are stuck in abusive situations and often arrested and diagnosed in the mental health system if they run away!

I have too much to say to fit into this forum. This is a good article that addresses part of the problem well.

I just HAVE to share this one...
A couple of years ago a 16 year old with whom I had worked with from the age of 13 bursted into my office; she was completely hysterical. The girl found her mother's boyfriend (#4 within 3 years) in her her bedroom watching porn on her computer. This girl is an awesome force with a fierce grasp on reality. When she called the guy out on his behavior, he argued that he "had only found out the she was on the porn sites" and would "tell her mother". The fight that ensued became loud enough to prompt neighbors to call the police. The police made the referral to family crisis services (in a hospital setting). The crisis worker created a contract for all the "family" members, and one item on the girl's contract was " I will speak only respectfully to John". Meanwhile, there was no mention of the porn being watched in her room on her computer- it was a "non-issue" according to the worker. The girl turned to run out of the room after refusing to sign and was tackled by orderlies and threatened with being committed to in-patient psychiatric "care" if she didn't sign.

How creepy is that?

May God Deal Justice
God is a God of mercy, but he is also a God of justice.

I pray that God will deal justice to the child abusers and child murderers. I pray that our legal system will send them to face God in person both swiftly and inevitably.

We humans do not have the right to execute these monsters in human form in the way that they killed the innocent children whom they should have loved, cared, and protected to their final breath. But God does have that right and that power.

And there is nothing unchristian in hoping that EVIL will get whats coming to it.

oldsocialworker
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!

Porn was a non-issue with the social worker? Since when? Kinsey??

What a sorry excuse that social worker is for a human being. The young lady would have had a safer time in the psych ward.

Not kidding, YLG
When I called to raise hell, the worker told me that crisis intervention does not deal with "content", that their job is to defuse the crisis so that people are "stabilized" and sent home. She added that they were referred to family counseling where they can deal with "interpersonal differences".

Its Sex and the City counseling these days. Much falls into the category of "interpersonal differences" these days. Its common for kids to be told by counselors that their parents "need a love life too" and to "deal with their jealousy". Meanwhile, what is often going on has nothing to do with "love" or "life". I am sick to death of these little pseudo-intellectual hospital women in their oh so avant-garde rectangular glasses being proud of not making "value judgements" during evaluations. Kids HATE them and know they won't be getting and help.

Very sad.

The mother married a stranger, whom she met online; then participated in the cruel, heartless murder of her own innocent child.

The little girl never knew what a real mother or family was like. But now Riley Ann Sawyers (Baby Grace) knows love because she is in Heaven.

oldsocialworker
Stabilize? Interpersonal differences?

Sounds like these people no longer have a grasp on reality. My sister has been divorced three times, but she NEVER put her "needs" above her daughters. This twaddle of a parent needing a love life, too, is beyond stupid. HAS THE PARENT FORGOTTEN THAT THAT WAS HOW THEY GOT THEIR PRECIOUS CARGO TO BEGIN WITH??? They can darn well wait to find someone who won't mind waiting on the needs of the child first, as far as I'm concerned.

God bless you for your devotion to these kids.

The family court
judges in America are co-conspirators in child abuse. They willingly, regularly, and knowingly place kids in situations where their fathers cannot defend them from their mothers' new sex partners. And social workers go along with it. Shame on them!!

Hey Guys: Before "they log on..."

This is so sad, but so prevalent, in all socio-economic areas, just as domestic violence is.


SocialWorker, You are so right..."Broken families and thoughtless procreation are the spawn of malignant self-entitlement that is often mistakenly called "freedom" and "rights."

The interesting thing is that we never hear the word "responsibility" addressed. No body seems to understand that with every "right" and every "freedom" there IS a "RESPONISBILITY."

YLG, you also hit a very important point.. "This twaddle of a parent needing a love life, too, is beyond stupid."


Anne
BINGO!!!

Responsibility, dang it, is what EVERYONE should be screaming at these sad sacks of pig offal.

I weep for the future.....

YLG
HA! I LOVE the word "twaddle"!!

The kids make it easy to go to work each day! They are very, very dear and we know 16 million card games. Tomorrow I will be playing this game called "spoons" with a big group. I think at some point I'll lose a limb playing spoons, but it is FUN! Good counseling includes lots of fun, high standards, lots of reality, listening, music, and occassional bruises from fast moving games!!

In the past year...
5 children under the age of 2 have died at the hands of mommy's boyfriend in a city near where I live. In one of the cases the mother participated in the murder.


oldsocialworker
Try playing "chickenfoot"! My kids love it, and it's a great family game.

It's played with dominoes, so you may have to duck....;-)

Well, I'm glad the kids make it easier to swallow the crap coming out of CPS. Isn't "twaddle" the perfect word in this case?

KS Reaganite
Yes, many social workers do go along with it. NOT the conservative ones, and we are out there! Its usually us older workers who have been in direct service for a while, but we are in the mix!

Finally...

I have no comment... just enjoy reading the good posts, thanks.

And yes, I had to look up "Twaddle" :)

Carlos: Twaddle is...
"drivel, nonsense, prattle, rubbish, etc."

But it's such a great word that just by its sound coveres so much.

Haven't heard the word in a long time, but I love it...



YLG
Chickenfoot! I don't know it, but I will google it. Thanks!

Anne...

You're a good person. You just armed me with another word :)

It does fit well. I hear much "twaddle" these days on townhall. Unfortunate.

As I look at my comments, I see too much of my own twaddling. I'm going to put a sign on my monitor... "No Twaddling".

"Twaddling" is an addiction, isn't it?

Carlos: "To the limited liberals, yes!

"Twaddling" is an addiction, isn't it?"

And, you're right, we see too much of it on this site, but if the libs would go elsewhere, we wouldn't be seeing nearly as much.

Get it?









oldsocialworker
Let me know if you can't find it. My hubby's grandfather was a dominoes champ, and he always had contacts in the domino world!

Carlos
Ah. In my expert opinion, I'd say you need Twaddler's Anonymous. "Twaddle Free" signs for you street. Oh, there are many ways to deal with the serial twaddler!

THE CURE FOR CHILD ABUSE
There is no cure for child abuse.

There is, however, something to be done with a first-time convicted offender. That is to throw him or her into prison for the rest of their unnatural lives.

It matters not to me if these evil, slithering creatures, cretins, creations of the devil, are put into solitary confinement for life or if they are put into the general population.

When this is done, there will be no second convictions.

That is the cure for some child abuse -- not all, but some.

I will, YLG
Thank you. Games are important in life; the more, the better!

Anne :)

I am a bit slow... but I get it.

We hold back in the real world, but I am brought down here. My conscience says I am being a big a**.

Maybe there should be two comment lists for each article. One for being derogatory, and one for twaddle-less discussion.

Carlos
How about weaning yourself slowly, and using another word, like "prattle"?

Getting back to the article, it practically BURNS me to know that some of these people, that "get off" while hurting a child, are protected by social workers who sometimes don't wish for a confrontation.

YLG
Here's where its at now: younger social workers are STEEPED in "value neutral intervention". Throw into the mix that evaluations must be free of "value judgements", or a lawsuit is immanent. Frankly, I should have been fired (and almost was) countless times over the past two decades. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow is the day.

Many social workers are so busy confusing "respecting" people with being dishonest with them that very little productive intervention is done. Its very, very frustrating!!

Oh, hey! There's alot on chickenfoot in cyberspace! You should Google it for $hits and giggles!

oldsocialworker
It's like a catch 22: You need the judicial to help, but they end up tying your hands even more. Yet, you keep trying, just in case it goes the right way: protect the innocent, punish the transgressor.

As for lawsuits, I have contacted my senators and congressmen over tort reform, but all I get are form letters...Just making "loser pays" the first thing in your law 101 class would be fabulous!!

I'll try to search for chickenfoot tomorrow, since my eyes are fighting with me!! Good night, and God bless you!!

YLG
I find that I like working with teens because can assure them that they are not crazy (without them going home and telling an angry alcoholic that the counselor they are not!) and I can help them navigate the system; even get through the various assinine evaluations (that often make permanent mental patients.). The catch 22 (crazy making!) has less power in this context. There will be no tort reform- the lawyers have an oligarchy and that will not die until the US folds as country, with liberal applause as we go. Insane.

G'night!

oldsovialworker
I'm sure that you have more chilling stories.

My young friend had the courage to call Family Services to demand that she be removed from the home. Mom's boyfriend # Ilostcount tried to rape her. She was taken into care, and nothing was done to the piece of garbage.She was 15.

Mommy Dearest came to my home to vent about her "ungrateful brat".

Knowing this dysfunctional tramp, I got legal reprsentation for her daughter.
She is now emancipated and will graduate at the top of her class. So far she has a choice of 3 full scholarships.

OldSocialWorker
Calm down..take rest...know you are doing your best.

You ARE making a difference...maybe only one at a time...I AM ONE! ...and I am grateful.

I have TWO others of which you know...for which YOUR advice of me will help grow...and then on again to their children perhaps...and forward still more to whom which it lacks.





katy the mean old lady, oldsocialworker
It sounds like you saved this 15 year old girl who had the wits to call for help. We'll all agree she or any child should never be subjected to abuse.

The first-hand experiences that oldsocialworker
describes fill me with anger and grief. Hanging in with the idiotic "value neutral intervention" would make me crazier than I am.

IMO it all boils down to a package of nicely wrapped lies, as in, "Oh, dear! We can't OFFEND or JUDGE people." The reality is, they ARE offending people with their misguided and idiotic, so-called "thinking".

In many cases, the tragedies go far beyond
"offending". Common sense says they HAVE to be judged!

Surprise, Surprise, Not
It not surprising to me that child abuse is becoming epidemic. You can thank the Radical Feminist Movement’s demolition of Traditional Family Values (TFV) for the increase in these atrocities. Chronically malcontent idiots like Andrea Dworkin started the ball rolling and all too many gullible women have bought into the BIG LIES!

Women were promised freedom from the “oppressive patriarchy” (family), sexual freedom, freedom to pursue careers and self-centered goals, and independence from men; all of whom are rapists according to the Radical Feminist Doctrine.

Instead, what many women (girls) have received are unwanted pregnancies, single parenthood, and bondage to government social programs. What the children have lost are fathers run out of their lives by a system that has also bought into the Radical Feminist Lies!

TFV were never perfect and some of the changes brought about were inevitable with changing times; however, Radical Feminism has been (and remains) a run-away train encouraged by liberal/progressive politicians.

TFV may have shortcomings, but what Radical Feminism has ushered in to replace them is the stuff that Sodom and Gomorrah were made of!

Yea, you’ve come a long way baby!

http://klintons.com



A Stunningly important topic
...and one the very mention of which puts the militant feminists and the divorce lobby into a tizzy. There's a lot of power, money, and public prestige wrapped up in the notion that easy divorce, single parenthood, and their consequences are perfectly all right...or at least, preferable to the "oppressive patriarchal" alternatives.

Also on this subject, with a wider and equally horrifying focus, is Stephen Baskerville's recent book "Taken Into Custody: The War On Fathers, Marriage, and the Family." Baskerville delineates the important political and institutional forces working to destroy marriage and family stability in the United States. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Radical claptrap
Stop immediately jumping on Radical Feminists for child abuse. It has always existed but until recently it was kept quiet as it was the fathers perogative to beat both wife and children as the Patriarch of the Family. Daddy is writing his memoirs for us, while he still remembers it all, and what went on in their family would make your eyes fall out of your head. Child abuse, like rape and other sex crimes, is about power -- and one way to stop the abuse is for the woman to take the power. Of course then she gets called an Emasculating Lesbian B***h and a Radical Feminazi, etc. but most of us simply rise above that these days.

I agree that if you gave birth to it, you have the responsibility for it forever. The people who keep relentlessly pounding away at the reluctant and the unfit to give birth, give birth, give birth because a woman is nothing but a selfish pig unless she has a baby (or many babies) are also rsponsible for a lot of child abuse. The teachers who throw baby showers in eighth grade homerooms and make a big show out of the pregnant 14 year old can also be blamed, as can a welfare system that awards these girls what looks to them like a wonderful life -- their own apartment, free money and food stamps, health care, etc. all paid for by somebody else -- and they have no idea what a boat anchor a baby will be until it starts school or that they cannot just leave it in the crib when somebody wants them to go to the mall.

The way to stop child abuse is to bring back shame, for one thing and stop the fantasy that children make good mothers; and for another, to make sure that the people who hammer away at others to have babies also let them know about the burden they are. Because no matter how much you love your children, there are times when they will seriously cramp your style, and if you cannot deal with that then resist the pressure and do not have babies.

Audi
While I agree with much of what you usually post, I cannot agree with your first paragraph. Having the woman in power in the family is not a cure for abuse. Both men and women are equally capable of abuse, as we are daily reminded in the news. How about not marrying or having sex with someone who shows the signs of being an abuser? Or perhaps staying away from people who think it's fun to get drunk, since alcohol is often a component in abuse. How about holding out for that one person who demonstrates that they are a "servant-leader"? The problem is not men being the leaders, the problem is picking the wrong man!

The reasons for increased abuse?
The primary reason is children are no longer as valued in this society as revealed by the high incidents of abortion. 2) recreational sex has provided opportunities for unwanted prenancies and those who can least afford abortions are keeping children they are unfit to raise 3) because of divorce and live-in arrangements, more unrelated adults are living with children where they don't have the nuturing feeling parenthood brings 4) children of today do not add value to a family (like working the fields) and instead are takers causing self indulgent parents to become annoyed and even in rage 40 the pace of modern life has created hectic family lives for people who have not developed sufficient ego skills to be good parents. They are unable to tolerate frustration, postpone satisfaction and put others before their own needs.

I am in this situation
I am living with my boyfriend. I have two children. However, this boyfriend is someone that I have known for 20 years. I was in other settings with him growing up than my current one. We are having problems right now because my youngest son is frustrating him. He is allowed to correct my son by sending him to the corner and other time out methods he is not allowed under any circumstances allowed to physically punish my children. I don't allow it. My children attend school and daycare during the day because I don't believe it is my boyfriends job to be the babysitter, and he has a job to do as well.

I hear stories like this and my heart breaks, but I also know that it doesn't happen in every situation and we need to understand that. Point blank, I would not be in this relationship if I had not known my boyfriend since I was a kid. Mainly because I don't just trust anyone in my life or in the life of my kids.

Abuse

"Approximately, forty percent (40.4%) of child victims were maltreated by their mothers acting alone; another 18.3 percent were maltreated by their fathers acting alone; and 17.3 percent were abused by both parents." (See p. 29)

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm05/cm05.pdf

Tish
So knowing this fella for 20 yrs makes it all right for you to be treated like an unpaid whore, as well as putting your children at risk? "Father" means more than just siring children or having permission to do "time-outs" for others' children-if he (or you) gave a rat's behind about you OR them he would insist that this relationship be regularized for all your sakes. That he doesn't abuse the kids doesn't mean that this situation is good for them. At best, it only shows them that Mom's love life is more important than real parenting is.

I as a teenager watched my divorced mother bring any number of "boyfriends" home. Believe me, I and my younger siblings needed her more than she needed to get laid-and it took a long time for all of us to get past her selfishness; kids take parental desertion in any form quite personally. And no, none of them tried anything "funny" with me or my younger sister.


Don't even try to tell me that you don't "need" marriage. Maybe "you" don't. But there are also children involved here, and they surely deserve better than a shack-up who is no father no matter that you've graciously granted permission to give them "time-outs".




Not a Valid Contract
see above, forcing a minor to sign a 'contract' under threat of being institutionalized. No contract signed under such circumstances is binding, even in Texas. Especially when the signer is a minor!

Even an adult (over 18, even if horribly immature) is not bound to such a contract when the signing is made under such duress.

Children - especially teens - need to know their rights!

What should be the sentence?
FOX-Man Charged With Murder for Slipping Abortion Drug to Girlfriend to Cause Miscarriages

A married man has been charged with murder for slipping his girlfriend a drug that authorities say caused her to miscarry twice.

Manishkumar M. Patel, 34, of Appleton, was charged Thursday afternoon with first-degree murder of an unborn child, second-degree recklessly endangering safety, placing foreign objects in edibles, possession with intent to deliver prescriptions, stalking, burglary, possession of burglary tools, and two counts of violating a restraining order.

The woman already had a 3-year-old child with Patel, who was married to someone else, Outagamie County sheriff’s Capt. Michael Jobe said at a news conference. She became pregnant two more times, but miscarried in December and September, he said.

READ MORE

http://controlcongress.com/uncategorized/what-should-be-the -sentence




Sad and Bizarre Case
I certainly don't condone what he did and he should receive consequences for his behavior.

On a side-bar, we all know that only the female has legal authority to murder the un-born!

http://klintons.com

oldsocialworker
"When I called to raise hell, the worker told me that crisis intervention does not deal with "content", that their job is to defuse the crisis so that people are "stabilized" and sent home."

Like threating this girl "defused" matters?

There are a lot of people like this social worker running about. They have their techniques to "help" and God forbid that you should tell them that it's unhelpful, because in reality it's your business to appreciate their help, not their business to actually help.

I have tried
Well, at least Michael Reagan didn't try to blame gay people for this outrage.
I've mentioned my work with the Los Angeles Police Dept. and tried often to caution the usual posters against bias in sex crimes and other forms abuse. Whether against children or women.
However, it's fallen on deaf ears. And THAT'S a large part of the problem. People let a fire get out of hand before they feel the heat themselves. And prejudice and animus has NEVER helped law enforcement or PREVENTION of such outrages as this case.
I hear about all of them. I've had to confront them as a first responder.
And I can attest...

depending on the subject
and it's context, it's not hard to see why these horrible cases of child abuse seem so common.
It IS true that it's always been around, it just hasn't been made so public, nor have lawmakers been made to confront it so directly.
One of the most pernicious of influences is the objectification of the female. Girls are inculcated to believe they are responsible for how males feel. And often self assured girls are discouraged from being so. By their religious communities, educators and families.
Women ARE pressured to be mothers. Regardless their circustances or personal feelings. Those who KNOW they don't want children are social pariahs. How often is procreation treated as the ultimate talent if we happen to be discussing gay sex and marriage?
As if ANY human being who doesn't procreate has nothing ELSE Of merit to offer society but fecundity?

there is no shortage
There is no shortage of babymaking, and there is little respect for those who DON'T make children.

The problem isn't necessarily that children don't have a traditional (meaning nuclear?)family. Anything can change the configuration of a family that STARTED OUT a traditional one.
No, this is about lack of cultural perspective on nurturing as a talent bestowed on INDIVIDUALS.
There is NO GROUP, nor GENDER that has a lock on the ability to nurture, it usually takes several people to successfully bring up a child, IN ADDITION to their parents.
Either way, getting real about what the role of what a NURTURER is and what sacrifices and self control is a serious first step.
And assuming anything based on gender, sexual orientation or even religious affiliation can be and already has been a mistake too.

I've seen more than my share of FAILURES by religious communities to address women's problems rightly and effectively in relationships-whether it was with their families of origin, marriages or that with their children.
Unrealistic expectations all around fosters a good deal of these tragedies.

women get abused too
Women, along with their children are abused too. It's going to take OTHER men in the community holding their PEERS accountable, and in this they obviously fail.
The feminist movement was a RESPONSE to this failure and control of men. Women weren't wrong to deman emancipation, and opportunity because their dependency on men for their survival opened them up for abuse and abandonment.
I'm waiting for the day when a pharmacist's moral outrage extends to dispensing Viagra as much as birth control or abortifitiants. When MEN are eager for vasectomies and use condoms and don't expect or demand that birth control is a WOMAN'S responsibility.
I'll never understand men that know they don't want children or MORE children, yet refuse to get that procedure done.
How stupid!
Fatherless homes? Yeah, I know...deplorable.
Those men knew the deal, literally going in...the empathy for straight male sex drives seems endless...and this tragedy and many others is a by product of that.

Tish
AliveInHim gave you valuable advice. Accept it as someone caring about you and your children.

That you only allow the boyfriend to give them a time out comes across as presenting yourself as a good mother. I question that. I personally would have suffered growning up and knowing my mom lived with a boyfriend. Kids have a hard enough time. They can well do without that.

You are teaching your children that it's perfectly alright to shack up with someone. Your grandchildren may have to live with your own child's girlfriend or boyfriend.

What are the chances that these live-ins will dearly love them? Will you care?

You have children, and for their sake you have NO right to put your wants above theirs, period.




Child Abuse Worsens as Families Change
"And in the face of all of this, Massachusetts is worried about spanking."


Damn those Massachusetts Liberals.

Seems the Red States can only talk about family values while the Blue States are living family values.

BTW, Massachusetts also has the highest rate of high school and college completion .

Geez, if they are against spanking, don't we really have to wonder what their secret is for discipling their children? Maybe "spare the rod and spoil the child" is just an old ignorant myth?

Michael, you really should do a little research and get informed instead of relying on right wing talking points and right wing myth.

From the following article:

In fact, if you wish to create the best shot at an enduring marriage, you would be smart to become an atheist, and move to Massachusetts, because Massachusetts, the bluest of the blue states, has the lowest divorce rate in the country.

http://www.ethicalfocus.org/index.php?content=leader&mpage= 93/Im_a_Believer.htm


http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/?paged=64&req1=2003

IMO, you holier than thou folks should all do a little research.



MA, is the only state that allows...
Gay marriage and adoption are alive and well and thriving in that state too, Shelby.
You have a point.
The 'traditional family', isn't monolithic and static. Circumstances beyond the control of either spouse will reconfigure or obliterate a family.
Religious patriarchs are flawed human beings, that can and do reiterpret their religious beliefs to abuse that belief within their own traditional families.
Many church women, the wives of ministers are often silent on this going on. A few notorious cases have made the news, but it's not because it doesn't happen, but because their community doesn't want these failures publicized.
I'm fascinated by this case in Darfur where a female schoolteacher is facing harsh punishment for naming a teddy bear after a pupil, named Mohammed.
There are mobs of men shouting for her execution!
This is the thanks she gets for coming to their country and dedicating herself to the education of their children.
There isn't much of a fine line between the rage of men, and what will civilize them.
Not even religious faith is that line of protection.

Advice from AliveInHim
I didn't give you the whole story because I don't feel that you need to know the whole story --just the bare bones that is was simalar to the situation.

I knew I was going to be attacked for my decisions...nice to find out that people that claim to be Christians feel they have every right to make personal attacks to someone whom they don't know.

You are free to disagree with what I am doing. But you are not free to call me a name like "unpaid whore" you don't know me and even if you did - Jesus would not have called me that -- am I correct? I am going to be better than you and refuse to call you a name in response.

All I was saying is that it doesn't happen in every situation. Giving myself as case in point. Should have known better than that.

du
" Women, along with their children are abused too. "

And men, too.

In fact, men are as likely to be attacked by their wives/girlfriends as women by their husbands/boyfriends.

Or women by their girlsfriends, or men by the boyfriends.

Child Abuse
We threw the baby out with the bath water when the stigma was removed from unwed parentage. While attempting to be compassionate we inadvertently told people it was alright to be irresponsible and to undertake adult actions before they are mature enough to handle them. Thus girls have babies out of wedlock and abuse them when they get tired of their live "dolls". They do not understand that they have to parent that child when the kid is doing things that are not cute such as crying the whole night because it is sick; spilling ink on a white rug; soiling him or herself and the just mopped floor. I could go on but I think one gets the picture. In frustration the young, unprepared and unequipped mother strikes the child, sometimes fatally. Similarly young boys father babies out of wedlock for status and treat them as trophies. However, the fun is short-lived when they realize they have paternal responsibilities. Thus we have tragedies such as the one a few years ago where a seventeen year old boy shot and killed the fifteen year old mother of his child who sought to get money from him to buy "Pampers" (diapers). "Relationships" are more like extended dates. They last for as long as neither party feels inconvenienced. Once the "hook up" is over, he moves on to his next partner and so does she often producing another endangered child and further endangering the older sibling.

hi mischief
One comment does not dismiss your opinion, however...
'as likely to', doesn't equal, DOES.
Boys are inculcated with a different perspective on females and what their roles are with them.
And boys outclass females in size and their aggression juice: testosterone.
So females ARE and at MUCH greater numbers susceptible to violence and abuse FROM males.
And males most likely to abuse CHOOSE females that they perceive as weak.
And with the added inculcation of girls to not be aggressive, self assured and confident, males take advantage of it.
I didn't say women can't be abusers. I'm simply saying they aren't a close equaling nor do they
wipe out their entire families as often in domestic abuse cases.
I work in law enforcement, in Los Angeles...and the info data base I'm privy to still says men and boys are far more openly aggressive with less consequences then in other times.

Taking the power
I don't mean necessarily that women should be in command in all families. I was speaking of those instances in which the men behave abusively; then it is necessary for the woman to take the power away from him in whatever way works best for her. This is the same way that a proper mother handles a screaming brat in the middle of the grocery store: she removes the power from him (or her) by taking command of the situation in whatever way seems best: picking him up and carrying him outside, leaning down and telling him that either he stops that noise this instant or she will give him something to cry about, or like my Uncle Levi, throwing water in his face.

Equally valuable is that a man should take the power when the woman is freaking out over something and in danger of losing control; by asserting himself in whatever way works for him, he gives her to understand that she needs to settle down.

something for nothing
Personally, what we truly are dealing with is a generation or two of people who want much, for little effort. The idea of nurturing and courting a relationship with a single person is anathema to their personal freedom and function. The attitude is that the time it takes somehow compromises fun.
Relationships have become mostly recreational, and in reality, they are not meant to be, nor should they be.
Males don't connect emotionally in the same way females do. Nor are they corrected by other males in society. When men cheat on their spouses, or abuse their families, a woman is hard pressed to get support and the man often keeps such behavior from the scrutiny of his peers.
Look at our political leadership and how they get away with abusing women in their lives.
It's the immature ego that's fed more in our society, than the part of us that would make noble, loyalty, sacrifice, and maturity.
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