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Monday, June 16, 2008
Matt Purple :: Townhall.com Columnist
Al Franken Book Portrays Conservative Pundits Being Shot in the Head, Soliciting Prostitutes
by Matt Purple
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A passage from a book by comedian and Minnesota Democratic Senate candidate Al Franken describes one prominent conservative being shot in the head and another soliciting a prostitute, among other graphic images.

The chapter, a satirical short story, portrays the cowardly and bumbling actions of several conservative commentators deployed as a squad to Vietnam. Titled “Operation Chickenhawk,” it was included in Franken’s 1996 book Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations as a scathing rebuttal to conservative criticisms of then-President Bill Clinton’s draft dodging.

In the passage, Franken jokes about conservative author Bill Bennett getting shot in the head and the effect it had on columnist George Will, whom Franken calls “Stoner” and portrays as being addicted to acid.

“First day in 'Nam, Stoner saw a buddy get greased,” Franken writes. “Guy named Bill Bennett. Got it right in the eyes. Stoner tried to plug the hole, came up holding a handful of goop that used to be Bennett's brain. It was pretty grotesque, bizarre and grotesque to be honest. Stoner hasn't been the same since.”

Former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, another member of the squad, is portrayed reminiscing about an encounter with a prostitute at a Saigon bar. After the woman profanely offers him sex, Gingrich asks her to do “terrible things” to him.

Other highlights include radio host Rush Limbaugh continually soiling himself with fear, former Republican Senator Phil Gramm shooting Oliver North in the back when North demands that the squad attack a band of Viet Cong, and columnist Pat Buchanan making a homosexual advance on Newt Gingrich.

Minnesota Republicans have criticized Franken’s satire for being vulgar and inappropriate. Most recently, they unearthed a Playboy article Franken penned in 2000 in which he explicitly describes oral sex being performed on him, which prompted several lawmakers in the state to send him a letter demanding an apology.

Franken is currently trailing incumbent Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman 48 percent to 45 percent, according to a recent Rasmussen poll.

Note: Readers can Watch video of Al Franken reading “Operation Chickenhawk”.

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About The Author
Matt Purple is an editorial intern with Townhall.com and is studying politics at Catholic University.
Al Franken
Al Franken is not that funny as a comedian. (As a senator, he'd be a laughingstock.) The quoted stuff is right out of middle school. And not funny. (If someone really needs me to explain why that stuff isn't funny...)
What really isn't funny is that I live in a state where (they say) 45% of voters admit supporting this geek.


So What Else Is New?
Why has it come to this where a comedian can't even run for office when everyone knows he's dabbled in dirty jokes or such? Would it be just as bad if Adam Sandler or Mike Myers or Andrew Dice Clay ran for office? Heck, I would even vote for Dennis Miller, a libertarian, because he's funny.

The point is, it doesn't matter that you've written jokes about oral sex in Playboy or had fantasies about shooting people in the head. For godssak, in almost every episode of "South Park" they kill Kenny, and it's funny as heck. Everyone has had a person in their mind where they have always had a fantasy to malign him however they want. It is as American as apple pie.

If you don't want to be offended by off-color humor, pack up your Pat Boone albums, get out of town and move to some puritian parish or something. But don't drag me down with you.


-"Outrageous! What Blasphemy! I've got to do something!"
-"Bob, there's nothing you can do."
-"Well, I guess I'm just going to have to develop a sense of humor"
- from "A Very Special Freakin' Sweet Family Guy Christmas"
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