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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Maggie Gallagher :: Townhall.com Columnist
Children of Sperm Donors Have Rights, Too
by Maggie Gallagher
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In New Jersey, the state Senate has twice voted to give adopted children access to their original birth certificates, that is, to the names of their biological mothers. Birth mothers would have one year to notify the state that they wish to remain anonymous. Even so, such birth mothers would be compelled by government to provide social, cultural and health information, or else their identities would be released regardless of their consent.

Recently, one southern New Jersey newspaper weighed in forcefully in the bill's favor: "This is not too much to ask from a birth mother ... The adoptee's right to this information is as important as protecting the privacy of the birth mother," the editors of the Courier-Post opine.

But why pick exclusively on birth mothers? If children have a right to know their own biological parents -- a claim recognized in international human rights law and one to which I am deeply sympathetic -- there is no good reason to limit this claim to the small number of women who accept the agonizing burden of giving life to children they cannot raise.

Far more children these days are deprived of knowledge of their origins by a totally difference process: artificial insemination. How can we possibly countenance placing burdens exclusively on women who give life and excuse totally the men whose sole contribution to their child was to "donate" into a little cup, usually for money?

And our laws are almost totally to blame for keeping children created by reproductive technologies in the dark about their origins. The common law remains the rule for children created by sexual acts: I cannot bargain away at the bar my child's right to the support and care of both his mother and father. The child retains the right to the support of both parents, no matter to what those parents have agreed. But if I go to a doctor or clinic for sperm, adult bargains are suddenly allowed by law to trump the child's natural right to know both his biological parents, wherever possible.

A whole lot of other rights and concerns get trumped as well. As the New York Post reported this week, "Conditions at New York City sperm banks are inconceivably bad -- with some offices not testing samples for some diseases, and others using sperm from donors who engaged in high-risk sexual behavior."

Idant Laboratories, reports the Post, fails to test sperm donors for some sexually transmitted and genetic diseases. One woman who used sperm from Idant Laboratories contacted the agency when she learned that her own son, and the child of another family that used the same donor, both suffered from autism.

Idant declined to contact the sperm donor on the grounds that autism is not a life-threatening illness. How many other children will this one man be paid to stud with his identity totally shielded by law -- hundreds potentially?

My own position on sperm donation is considered beyond the pale. Ideally, before a man becomes a father he ought to be able to persuade some woman to marry him. But consider this an absolute minimum: A man who wants to be a father ought to be able to find some actual live woman who wants to have sex with him. Call it nature's quality control.

If we are going to revise all our laws to facilitate adult desires at children's expenses, the least we can do is require facilities that make money by making babies to keep records on whom the biological father is, and make those records available to children who turn 18.

If New Jersey legislators are going to impose this burden on birth mothers, the least they can do in justice is to make sperm-donor dads equally responsible.

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About The Author

Maggie Gallagher is a nationally syndicated columnist, a leading voice in the new marriage movement and co-author of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.

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inconsistent
But according to your article, the state of New Jersey does not require that the names of adoptive parents be made available to children put up for adoption. It only requires that social cultural and health information be provided. So the idea that you are simply asking for parity would seem to be false according to your own argument.

To a degree this shows the silliness of the arguments concerning abortion and stem cell research that are predicated on the idea that they should be opposed because of the future people lost. Here we are talking about a large number of existing wanted children who would not exist if Gallagher had her way. And yet the people on her side argue against abortion on the grounds that we are losing out on all of the unwanted children as a result.

I know that the abortion side has the killing of fetuses, and that it is a serious argument. But this article illustrates the degree to which the people who would have existed is a phony one.

Pun intended?
"Conditions at New York City sperm banks are inconceivably bad."

Lon
The well-known fact is that children born to a married, committed couple have the greatest advantages. It obviously doesn't include those born to unwed parents. These children, through no fault of their own, are cheated out of having a home with both their father and mother.

Married couples are not known to seek adoption for their child/children. So who puts a child up for adoption? The answer, of course, is an unmarried girl and boy, man or woman, whose actions conceived a baby they cannnot or do not want to parent.

(Does this give credence to religions which teach against pre-marital sex?)

When a married couple adopts a child, they, through the adoption agency, should have the right to decide if and when the birth mother should be involved, and she has the same right.

As to donating sperm, that is truly horrendous. It is just one example of the depths to which our great country has sunk.

Harmony
I know 2 married couples with infertile husbands who have made use of sperm donors. Donating sperm isn't horrendous - it's a wonderful gift of life to those who for whatever reason, can't have children unassisted. And yes, some are lesbian couples and some are single. That's life in a free society.

I think it would be good if the same information NJ is requiring of birth mothers - health histories, etc. - would be available on sperm donors, but not the names. The name is irrelevant. The acts of providing sperm or gestating a baby do not make you a parent. Raising, loving and supporting a child does that.

Evading Responsibilities
It all comes down to the fact that any arrangement that permits a parent to evade the responsibility he or she has towards the child he or she has conceived is a bad thing.


Have I been flagged?
I posted here and now it's gone...

It's the money
"A man who wants to be a father ought to be able to find some actual live woman who wants to have sex with him."

But these guys don't want to be fathers. They want the $30. There was an article in GQ a couple of months ago about a man pondering how many children he could possibly have "fathered" and as an adult (instead of an 18 year old looking for beer money) he was a little horrified - particularly when the mothers of "his" children wanted his involvement in "their" children's lives.

rights
The fundamental right that we should be concerned about for children is the right to life. Knowing family history is secondary to that. If birth mothers are unable/unwilling to care for their babies and they want to do the loving, responsible act of giving them a mother and father we should make that as easy as possible. If we overburden birth mothers, some may choose to abort rather than place for adoption babies that they are unable to take care of.

CA and some other states have laws allowing women to drop off newborn babies at hospitals and other designated safe places, rather than discarding them in dumpsters. These women are allowed to do this "no questions asked". Policies like this saves lives. Most birth mothers who give birth and then place children for adoption are wonderful people who love the babies they place and are doing what they feel is best. They generally are very willing to give medical histories at the time of placement. For the few that are not willing to do that, we should respect their privacy and be grateful that they chose LIFE for their child.

As to the sperm donors...
Responsible sperm clinics are screening and providing some history to their clients. Whatever the motivation of the men involved, they are providing a valuable service to couples with male fertility problems.

harmony
I am not sure to what degree your comments on abortion were actually responses to anything I said. Since married women do have abortions, it is not obvious to me that they do not put babies up for adoption. And it certainly isn't clear to me why one would not want to encourage the latter over the former.

But as hambones notes, insisting that adoptive mothers be known to their children could lead to more abortions, so there are interests to be balanced here. But then I don't see that you are actually disagreeing with the law as it is in New Jersey, and neither am I.

The only point of disagreement seems to be whether it is better that couples like the ones Becky describes, who want children, but can't have them naturally have a means to have the children in other ways. We could insist that such couples adopt, which might be more noble. But I am not sure it is our business to insist this.

And in cases like this in which adults are making choices (rather than dealing with accidents) I think the best approach is to let them make the arrangements that will provide the most stability. And that will generally mean that the sperm donor laws should parallel the New Jersey law above, but not do more than that.

Becky: Wow
"I know 2 married couples with infertile husbands who have made use of sperm donors."

Wow. So two husbands get to raise somebody else’s children at the instance of their wives? Tell me, if the wives were infertile, would they being willing to send $$$ and endure the associated aggravation IOT obtain a surrogate mother for their husbands’ children? I sure that they would have chosen adoption rather than seeing another woman carrying their husband’s child.

The mathmatical motivation
Cost of surrogacy in the US:

$30,000-$80,000 + IVF attempts at around $20,000 each with about a 30% success rate.

Cost of surrogacy in India:

About $10,000 including IVF attempts + cost of several a few trips abroad.

Cost of international adoption:

About $17,000-$40,000 with no expectation of getting a newborn and getting increasingly more difficult to do at all.

Cost of domestic adoption of newborn:

Up to about $60,000 with no guarantee of placement and no reimbursement of funds if the birth mother changes her mind. Newborns are hard to come by.

Sperm donors
I might have felt the same as Maggie Gallagher about sperm donors before my daughter and her husband were unable to conceive due to her husband's infertility. Whatever the motivations of the donor "whose sole contribution to [his]child was to "donate" into a little cup," without it my daughter and her husband would not now be the parents of a beautiful baby girl. It was not an easy decision, and it was a difficult, painful, costly process.
It is my opinion that the donor is not the parent and thus has no parental rights or responsibilities. My granddaughter is the responsibility of the family she was born into.



child's rights vs. mommy rights
I am sympathetic to facing infertility, but a balanced approach is critical. Parents are only a part of the equation. It is remarkable to me how few people think about these issues from the child's point of view.

When we began the international adoption process 3 years ago, our agency after completing background checks and home studies, spent about 90% of the time asking questions and giving classes from the CHILD'S point of view.

Since Korea keeps records of the birth parents, many adoptees choose to return to track down their birth families. A tremendous amount of time was spent on why this is important to many adoptees, and making sure the adoptive families were completely comfortable with this future possibility BEFORE granting them permission to adopt.

Not only were we given brief birth family histories and medical information (not much, but better than nothing) we were told to save every scrap of paper and item of clothing related to the child's adoption and arrival to the US because we had no right to decide what mattered to our children. If the adoptee wants to get rid of something, they can do it as adults. Parents have to use discernment about what, how, and when to give our kids the info, but we are expected to do so by the time they become adults.

At first our adoption agency assumed adoptive families would do this,(most did) but after an incident, they began focusing heavily on it in the parent classes.

An young adult adoptee was working for our agency he was adopted through. The agency was updating its record storage when a social worker told the kid she just stored his file. The kid got teary eyed and asked to touch the file. The social worker was confused and asked if he never read his file. No. His parents never gave it him. Inexcusable. She immediately made him a copy.

It is so unfortunate that this kind of consideration is not granted to all children living outside of their biological families.

Demosthenes get a clue!
There are many different variables that couples facing infertility have to consider. It is a very personal decision that is often arrived at after much prayer and soul searching. Surrogacy brings a host of complicated legal / cost issues. As the previous post detailed, from a cost perspective, a sperm donor is often the least expensive way to have a baby. There is no prolonged waiting period, you don't have issues of past abuse to deal with, and there is no worry about birth family complicating things.

I say this as someone who has adopted 2 children, adoption is a wonderful thing but it may not be for everyone.

To Formerly Known
You accurately raise the issue of pure economics in adoption. Please add to that, age. A couple that marries at around thirty, waits a few years to stabilize the new marriage and perhaps buy a home and save some money before trying to conceive, tries to conceive for a while without result, goes through infertility studies, perhaps attempts a doctor-controlled conception---all of this takes years. By the time the couple must decide whether to go for surrogacy, sperm donor, domestic adoption, or international adoption, they are very typically in their forties. Any of these "alternate" approaches to parenthood takes a lot of money, and domestic adoption, if through an agency, may be now be impossible because of age limitations.

age and fertility / adoption eligibility
This is a copy of one of my posts from the discussion about John Stossel's article US Makes Adoption Harder.

Ladies, get your act together and get serious about finding a high quality husband in your early-mid 20s if a family is a high priority for you.

I had 3 miscarriages before my 2 bio kids by age 25. My pregnancy with kid #2 and near fatal delivery due to unpredictable complications meant no more pregnancies. It took us 7 years to decide which route to take, get the funds in order, and complete the paperwork for our international adoption. It was that or get a surrogate.

Most countries have an age limit around 45 for the oldest spouse (similar to the biological clock) so make a note of it. My husband is 6 years older than me, so because of him, I have less time. International adoption is getting harder and parents are waiting longer. Few countries are available now (Romania and Guatemala) who knows what will happen in the future. Adoption has never been a quick easy fix for childlessness.

If you start a family after 30 and have unknown infertility problems, you are not likely having a larger family (3 or more) even if you really want one.

If a family is a seriously important issue, plan enough time to make other arrangements if things don't go smoothly. Otherwise you may have to take drastic measures that lead to extremely high risk pregnancies (triplets or more) because you won't have time to exhaust other less risky routes. You may be forced to consider astoundingly expensive means like surrogacy. Keep your options open.

You can go to college when the kids are in school and work until MUCH later in life than you can have babies. This is basic biology, not dogma or politics. Facts are facts. Weigh them and make a decision.

foster kid adoption/US orphans
Before anyone out there suggests adopting a foster kid, please read the discussion comments after John Stossel's article US Makes Adoption Harder.

This also goes for anyone who thinks there are American children orphanages. There aren't any.

Ms Gallagher
I suppose that all of this is just a prelude for feminists to find a way to raid the wallets of the sperm donors later on. These men are not fathers, they have never met the mother, let alone spent a sweaty night with them. They are providing a low-cost service that benefits them and the couples that they help. The infertile husband is the father- they are the ones changing diapers at 3 am and teaching the kid how to throw a baseball or ride a bike. All I see here is a way to wreck a system that appears to work. Should the centers be screening out all but the healthiest males? Yes, and they should be clean and modern as well. Should they be coughing up the donors' names? No. If this happens, no male will be willing to donate.

Autism
So Idant labs is indicted because two kids have ASD? That is an enormous stretch! How about the possibility that both of those women were independently responsible for the ASD in their children? You CANNOT make a connection based on such flimsy evidence and you lose all credibility when you try to do so. You know better. Clean it up.

Paternity Fraud
Yes children should have knowledge of the genetic heritage. That should include mandatory paternity tests for all children (legitimate and illegitimate) born in the US, thus insuring that all children have knowledge of their biological fathers. Unfortunately, this would allow an ostensible “Husband” to terminate his marriage and/or choose whether or not to provide financial support for a child that isn’t biologically his because his wife decided to commit the most despicable & widespread form of domestic abuse: Paternity Fraud. Despite having access to over a dozen forms of birth control, quite a few wives prefer viewing their husbands as ambulatory wallets vice sperm donors- some statistics cite 4-10% of all U.S. births, depending upon the woman’s socio-economic, ethnic & education background. Why is this behavior so widespread? Because radical feminism & a paternal legal system have allowed many women-children to return to their amoral promiscuous nature- back to the days before the “Patriarchy” imposed their “Judeo-Christian” morals & monogamy upon the female worshippers of every tree & stone. Today, it apparently takes a village, i.e., welfare state to support & raise a child. Maybe if paternity tests were mandatory- society could gauge how widespread this behavior is among the “virtuous” gender. This policy isn't likely to happen since the US exhibits a pathological resistance towards holding women accountable for their destructive personal behavior, e.g., USN CAPT Lisa Nowak, Mary Winkler, Andrea Yates, Debra LaFavre, etc.

hambones: GET AN EDUCATION
GET AN EDUCATION. You are obviously a female who has never had to support a spouse in addition to children. A female who has never had to think outside of the female “ME, MYSELF & I” philosophy to marriage.

I recently read a thoughtful article by a woman who thought that it was “SELFISH” for her to expect her infertile husband to financially support her biological child via a sperm donor. She opted for adoption out of sensitivity to her husband’s medical condition. Many men link fertility w/ their masculinity. In fact, she told an anecdote where one of her privileged, stay-at-home girl friends had multiple children by sperm donors without regard as to whether or not they at least resembled her husband. Her husband was quite upset w/ the burden. She didn’t care: HER husband was left with the BILL.



Mothers and children
I have two children born by artificial insemination. Besides the insnsitive and snarky comments from the doctor (for which he could have been sued, as he was quickly informed), there was a lot of work before and after to get the job done. My kids have not the least interest in finding out who shot the sheriff. One is inventing time travel and the other is growing a business and building his own life. Telling me that I should have picked out a high class husband at the age of 20 is a ridiculously patronizing exercise. No candidates applied; the only applicants I had were far less appetizing than the alternative.

For those of you guys who are really concerned with the fact that women have an alternative to marrying any old applicant in order to get a child, it sure sucks to be you, eh?

demosthenes
FYI...I am a married man with 3 children - 2 adopted and 1 biological. Somehow I really don't think that married women are getting artificially inseminated and sticking their unwilling husbands with the bill. I guess it may have happened a few times - anything is possible. In healthy marriages having children is a joint decision of husband and wife - whether the method is procreation, adoption, or using a sperm donor. Children are not just a liability that the man gets stuck with. He should be an active part in raising the child. As I said earlier these are personal decisions that involve a huge number of variables that each couple may have to consider. Every option is not right for every couple.

Sperm Donation
I believe sperm donation as we know it should be illegal, it ain't blood we're donating

Any "man" who donates sperm should be legally liable for his offspring... on the the other hand, I also believe single women should not have access to donated sperm, which shouldn't be available anyway.

Ms. Gallagher, just as a "man" should be required to procreate with a willing woman in the bonds of matrimony, so too should a "woman" who "feels like she is incomplete without a child" and cannot "find" a suitable mate for marriage.

The child deserves much more than selfish parents...

CVN65 Feb 20 @ 4:13 pm
Thanks sir, you make my point. Sperm donors are not "Fathers", and I think those in the business of paying these donors for the "product" should be outlawed.

Harmony said...
"When a married couple adopts a child, they, through the adoption agency, should have the right to decide if and when the birth mother should be involved, and she has the same right."

From what I have learned of adoption nowadays, it is the birth mother who is in control of the whole process. The way things were done in the old days--where the birth mother gave up rights and then the child was adopted, and the birth mother had no say in who adopted her child--are apparently a thing of the past. Nowadays, potential adoptive parents must pay all the birth mother's living and medical expenses. It seems a form of surrogacy; the adoptive parents are basically paying someone else to have a baby for them, while the birth mother has her pick of potential parents (and can change her mind at any time).

I was adopted in 1971, at one year of age. I was given up for adoption when I was five days old by a woman who already had three children, was going through a divorce, and was afraid she could not raise a fourth without going on welfare. Fortunately, my birth mother found me in 2001, and we have developed a friendship. But just as importantly, if not more so, I was adopted by a wonderful couple whom I will always think of as my "real" parents.

Now, trying to go through the adoption process myself, as I am infertile, I am getting very discouraged by the amount of time, expense, and red tape. Just for contrast, my parents paid $275 in adoption fees to get me!

On the subject of sperm donors
That is pretty much what I consider my biological father to be. Once he learned that my bio mom was pregnant, he denied that it was his and didn't want anything to do with it. Consequently, while I don't really want to know him, I do wish I had some idea of his medical history. I do believe that sperm donors ought to at least provide that much information, if not their identity. As it's so often been observed, it takes two to tango.

Screw the little brats
I do not think any child has the right to know who his parents are. This is our inalienable right of choice.
Kill the little brat if he does not like the Parents decision. Roe vs Wade gave the parents the inalienable right to kill their child before birth and they should be able to kill them at any time after birth also. Whats the difference as in both cases they are dead. Worthless scraps of humanity. Lets set up suicide corner killing factories so we can kill these little brats at any time.

After all we are survivors which proves our superiority to make decisions regarding future generations. Kill the SOB's

mouths of babes/legal inconsistencies
So no one here saw the Oprah Winfrey Show in the last week or two where adult children of sperm donors discussed their views on the subject. Guess what? Some children had a different point of view than their mothers. Something that genuinely shocked some of the mothers. A telling point about their mindsets.

Many of the adult children actually wanted to know these men and have relationships with them. They had a hole in their hearts that only a father and knowing where you came from could fill. Several joined the registry and have regular contact with their donor fathers and their half siblings.

Now, everyone is different, and some will have no interest in contacting their fathers/donors, but how can a mother/recipient predict what her child will want two or more decades in the future?

Again, parents are not the only part of this equation.

Legally, in custody/support situations in states with the most progressive practices the courts assume two things 1) the child has a right to financial support by BOTH biological parents 2) the child has a right to a relationship with both biological parents. You get can't out of child support over a one night stand or by deciding now is not a good time for you to be a parent if you're a man. Neither can a woman (in a state with good laws) decide she could rather not have the father influencing her child by letting him around the child on a regular basis.

Why does the sperm donor child not have these rights just because of the way (s)he was conceived?

Noelegy-hang in there
I remember. My youngest arrived from Korea two years ago yesterday.

It seems like it just got harder and harder. After 3 miscarriages and testing, and a nearly fatal delivery, I was really exhausted emotionally and THEN started the adoption process.

There's the researching options, referrals, putting your life under the microscope for strangers to scrutinize, a mile high of paperwork, and expense after expense after expense. Also add to that list relactating on a compressed schedule which meant a hormone regimen and WHEW! it was no cake walk.

There were the comments people made that were good intentioned but sometimes uncomfortable.Then there were arrival delays that almost made me go over the edge.

It's normal to be frustrated and discouraged. Anyone who has been through the process knows what a tremendous strain it is and your feelings are perfectly reasonable.

Our agency was very sensitive and supportive to us through out the process. We were also surrounded by kind family and friends who listened and encouraged us while we vented.

I hope you have a great support system and your child comes home to you soon. I hope your relationship with your birth mother continues to work beautifully for both of you.

AudiR10-I'm not buying it
There really are high quality men out there no matter how much you protest. Most people I know marry younger and have larger families and most have quality marriages. Just because that was not your experience, for what ever reason, does not mean that there is an inherent problem with men or marriage. It also does not mean that biology can be ignored without paying a high price.

As I understand it from your posts, your father was a great man. I think all children are entitled to a life of being raised by that kind of man, and that burden falls on women.

Too bad so many baby boomer women like my mother bought into feminist drivel. THEY enjoyed being raised by high quality fathers, but denied that very thing to their own children.

Like you, they skipped the dad thing entirely. Or Like mom, she choose the "bad boy" (in spite of her dad's warnings against it) because it turned her on, and then once the kids were born she FINALLY figured out her dad was right. Oh well, kids don't really need a dad. Mom's fine with it, therefore the kids should be too. With feminism the woman is ALWAYS right and knows better than any mere man.

The most important parenting decision people ever make is choosing their future children's other parent and maintaining that quality relationship for the sake of the children.

neology/homeschoolmom
My family went through the adoption process and yes nowadays the birth mom has full control. We have biological children as well and decided to adopt because my wife had really difficult pregnancies. I told her I wouldn't put her though it again so chose adoption to expand our family. 4 years we waited and almost decided to give it up because it does get to be an emotional roller coaster. We had a few fall through and it was hard on our family at times.

We found out that birth moms have an issue with couples with biological children. They would rather give their child to a couple having conception issues.

We ended up being the first in line for any baby who was born where the mom didn't want to have a say in it. Our daughter is a "safe delivery act" baby. The birth mom came in, gave birth safely at the hospital, and left her there for the hospital to find her a home.

We are grateful that she chose to give birth to her. With the little information we do know about her birth mom, it's a miracle our daughter wasn't aborted. She loved her way too much to fall under the pressure society puts on women to have abortions under her circumstances. Hate to give out too much detail here as it's my daughter's story to tell and I need to respect her decision on whether to tell it or not. She is still young (almost 4) but someday I hope she has the courage to tell it.

homeschool mom
Another issue though is the father of Safe Delivery Act children still has rights. Just because the mother signs off, doesn't mean the father does. The courts have to do some digging in these cases in order to remove their rights as well. Even in cases of rape, the sperm donor still has rights that need to be removed through the courts.

homeschool mom
Another issue though is the father of Safe Delivery Act children still has rights. Just because the mother signs off, doesn't mean the father does. The courts have to do some digging in these cases in order to remove their rights as well. Even in cases of rape, the sperm donor still has rights that need to be removed through the courts.

birth parent rights here
As I understand it (and I'm no expert) birth parent rights in the US work this way:

Both bio parents have to relinquish their rights before the child is adoptable.

The birth mother usually selects the adoptive family or allows an agency to do this for her.

The birth mother has the right to choose an open or closed adoption. If it is closed she has no
right to contact with the child until age 18.

If she chooses an open adoption the birth mother stipulates the amount and type of contact with the child and I think it's written into the legal documentation and the adoptive family is required to abide by it.

Many adoptive parents are uncomfortable with contact while their children are minors, so closed adoptions are a strong preference for most people I have heard from.

We did not look far into it because we had 2 birth children and had heard it was unlikely we would be selected by a birth mother in the US. We also had limited funds and could not risk a change of mind by the birth mother.

homeschoolmom
We were never told that it would be unlikely to be chosen with biological children of our own. Too eager or naieve I guess. We found out the hard way but no regrets obviously but it was tough at the time.

Our understanding of open adoption (which we were willing to go through with) was that once the adoption was going through,birth parents rights are terminated, the adopting parents take over as to how open they want it to be. They take over as legal parents so they end up with full control. Birth parents lose all rights to any openness.

Open is the current trend and research suggests it is healthier for the child involved. How much and how soon though is up left up to the adopting parents.

We won't experience that though as our adoption ended up completely closed. Our daughter will clearly have a wound there to deal with but will manage.

birth parent rights Korea
A child born outside of a marriage needs only the consent of the birth mother to be placed for adoption internationally. The birth father does not have to be notified the child exists and the mother does not need his consent to place the child for adoption even though the father is named in the records and typically the birth mother gives the social workers what info she knows about him.

This is important info to adult adoptees from Korea. If they choose to contact their birth families they usually begin with the mothers and are warned that it is common to locate a birth mother, knock on the door, and introduce yourself to have the mother deny it and shut the door. If she is married and her husband finds out she had a child outside of marriage he can legally divorce her and take any children they have together away from her.

Many birth fathers are shocked to have children they never knew existed show up at the door twenty+ years later.

It's not a great system, but it avoids the problems related to rapists, one night stand, and love 'em and leave 'em sperm donors.

homeschoolmom
Also legal husbands of birthmoms have parental rights as well even when they are not the sperm donor (rape, incest, adultury situations). So there are instances of these men who aren't even the biological father having rights that need to be legally terminated before adoption can take place.

homeschoolmom
Interesting information on Korean adoptions. Hide the pregnancy from their husband to hide the adultery and then place for adoption. Hard to imagine a woman could hide their pregnacy though but it does happen.

I know of one situation here where the mom was raped and hid the pregnacy from her husband and placed for adoption. The court had to terminate his rights, rapists rights and her rights. Hiding it did her no good as the courts have to contact him to get him to sign off. Craziness put in the end it does protect adoptive parent's rights.

I gotta go for the day.

Thanks for sharing. Nice change from all the mudslinging that usually takes place on many of the threads here.

I was unclear
These birth mothers have the babies before they are married. They typically hide it from their families and friends. Many go to safe houses like Ae Ran Wan where they live with other pregnant mothers.

Later they marry without their husbands knowing they had a child in the past. They go on to have children by their husbands who are half siblings to the adult adoptee returning to Korea. This is actually a common theme in Korean soap operas. A well to do married woman of status has her life pulled out from under her when the child she gave up for adoption returns 20 years later.

Abortion is illegal in Korea, but accessible. The birth mothers whose families know are under TREMENDOUS pressure to abort and those whose families don't can be very tempted.

Discrimination to those having children outside of marriage is terrible, so 85% choose to place the babies for adoption and never tell another soul. For the 15% who keep their babies, the children are at the bottom social rung. It's terribly cruel and unfair.
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