Liberal politicians quiver in bliss -- stroking their delusional consciences. They pimp a provocative fantasy that liberals are born superiorly caring and compassionate. For liberals, lamenting social injustices indulges some perverse pleasures. While they wallow in their liberal love-fests for entitlement programs, their brand of kindness and charity merely exacerbates the inequalities they vow to amend.

In fact, liberals might love “victims” so much that the victims are literally incapacitated by love. Liberal entitlement programs are more like weapons of mass destruction. Whether motivated by good intensions or psychopathic satisfaction, liberals refuse to stop loving victims into oblivion.

Consequently, liberals are essentially getting away with heinous love crimes. Love crimes are a lot like hate crimes; they stem from stereotypes and bigoted opinions. “Vulnerabilities” like ethnicity, religion, sexual preference, and gender supposedly stimulate love (as opposed to hate) in offenders. Also analogous to hate crimes, love crimes can occur even when the offender bears no actual love (instead of hate) towards the victim. Liberals commit love crimes whenever they single out victims for government handouts based on some belief or stereotype about that group's alleged “vulnerability.” Unfortunately, liberals are enigmas. We may never know all the prejudiced weaknesses that stimulate their love.

Nevertheless, in exchange for this acidic tenderness, devotedly victimized disciples happily surrender votes and every scrap of self-reliance. Once victims are unable to take care of themselves, it’s too late. Liberals have already ravaged them. The government will never take care of any “victimized group” as well as the significant majority of that group can take care of itself. Furthermore, the charity of good citizens is a lot more reliable and effective than government handouts. Look at what happened to all those victims in New Orleans who waited on the government to take care of them during and after Katrina.

If Katrina is too narrow of an example, then consider the devastating consequences of the 1960’s “War on Poverty.” Liberals attacked crime with love -- awarding criminals “new” rights. As a result, violent crime and murder rates exploded. They ambushed children with sex education in public schools. Their love ambush catapulted teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases through the roof. Liberals also waylaid the poor by supporting unwed pregnancies and making welfare a career instead of temporary help. As a result of allegedly good intensions, the liberals’ “War on Poverty” obliterated the structure of black families in America.

In all fairness, maybe liberals are just legally insane -- repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Despite the continued failure of their unwavering do-gooder policies, liberals refuse to recognize the errors within their detrimental beliefs.

Liberal politicians generally have not suffered any consequences for their love crimes either. But the time has come for liberals to pay for all their love transgressions. Ironically, sentencing them to exactly what they want might be the justice they deserve.

President Bush spoke last week about the future of Cuba. As Fidel Castro inches ever closer to fertilizing palm trees, maybe we could negotiate shipping the liberals off to the People’s Paradise of Cuba. We could then more easily juxtapose their policies with Castro’s. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid could talk about how easily their version of the State Children’s Insurance Program would integrate with the wonderful public health care that already exists in Cuba – according to future-Cuban Michael Moore, of course.

And since Senator Hillary Clinton and President Jimmy Carter epitomize love crime offenders, the two of them should be sentenced to eternity together. Unfortunately for Bill, this would be one tryst he would have to sit out. (Hopefully, he would still move to Cuba though.) His exclusion from Cuban politics would simply be due to his idea of love crimes not fitting the legal definition.

Best of all, with Hillary and Jimmy in charge of Cuba, they would not need any of the evil profit that motivates big corporations to constantly improve technology. Liberals would be effervescent if we just dropped off legal marijuana and condoms every week. With everything they need in Cuba, liberals would be free to legislate 100 laws regarding how everyone can live at the expense of everyone else. And they could encapsulate all these positions under one more symbolic law, which would make it legal for all of them to die happy -- as they love each other to death.