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Sunday, August 05, 2007
Kevin McCullough :: Townhall.com Columnist
Why Parents MUST MySpace
by Kevin McCullough
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With all the horror stories hitting the headlines about online fears, crimes, predators, and even rape leading to murder one thing has become very clear: Parents need to understand their children's lives more than ever. That means they need to be online and in my opinion that means MySpace. (Though the principle is still true if applied to facebook or any other networking community alternative.)

Parent's in California are presently trying to deal with an online pedophile Jack McClellan who takes perverse delight in posting pictures of young girls on his web-site and then giving out free instruction to other pedophiles as to how they could seduce children just like those girls into doing illegal and perverse things.

The problem is that parents are in large part fighting the battle the wrong way.

Because they fear for their daughters' safety parents are suing the man in the California court system. They are wasting major financial resources attempting to squelch a man's voice. He claims that since he has not done any of the things he is telling others to do - that he has not violated the laws and therefore is free from prosecution. To date the courts have sided with the perv.

But parents are making a much bigger mistake in their day to day lives with their children.

For generations the shouts of "where you going, who are you going to be with, and what time will you be home" rang from the swinging screen doors and front porches of America. Now the same questions need to be asked when the children are in their bedrooms with door shut as much if not more so than when they head out for the night.

In the last month the Governor of Connecticut attempted to make a federal case of the fact that MySpace recently conducted a sweep of its membership and found 29,000 convicted sex offenders on their rolls. The Governor demanded that new technologies be invented so as to prevent such a thing from ever happening again. 29,000 is an astonishing number, particularly out of context. That 29,000 was four times higher than what MySpace had previously reported, but still nearly statistically insignificant when you understand that MySpace has 197,000,000 registered users.

For comparison go to FamilyWatchDog and input your own zip code. You will most likely be shocked at the number of sex offenders living within mere blocks. In input my home address and came up with 145 offenders within five miles. From our broadcast studios in the Empire State building there were over 1500, many just steps away.

Getting into your child's life now means being part of their universe, what they think about, what they are reading, and who they are talking to. All of which they now can and do mostly online. With the emergence of networking sites kids are blogging, sharing music, watching video, chatting with, and even live web cam broadcasting to each other in the blink of an eye. And unless you are in the loop, most of it is done without limits.

Tracking the child's footprint, where he goes, who she comments to, and most importantly who has access to their page can all be monitored by mom and dad easily - by simply starting a MySpace account of their own.

It is also important to realize that pop culture from music videos to podcasts have recognized the power of this medium. Now pop artists who used to be completely isolated and cut off from every day interaction with their fans - are speaking to them, even personally and directly from MySpace. Do you want your daughter interacting with Akon the man who humps under age girls on stage? If not are you aware that your daughter might still have a direct connection to him?

Politicians are also accessing the networking world and attempting to sway the belief system of the next generation through it as well. Though admittedly they are much clumsier at it than the pop culture icons, they are learning quickly and I predict their desire to get to your child will only increase in its efficiency before the election of 2008.

What's important to remember about MySpace (and applicable to all other networking sites) is that it is merely a medium that gives access.

Sure it makes your life a bit harder because you have to learn how to use it and what it is capable of, but that's not all bad. There are numbers of tremendous organizations, groups, churches, and resources that are moving on to MySpace. You will also be able to join alumni groups of your alma maters. Teachers use it to communicate to students. And if you live similarly to the McCulloughs with family spread out across the Northeast, Southwest, Midwest, and Pacific sections of the nation MySpace is an invaluable tool to spread news quickly. That also applies to our service men and women keeping us safe overseas.

Here's an easy way to start, go here and join the MySpace community for readers of this column, my blog, and my radio show, see how easy it is to get connected and message me any questions you have about how it works. We will be as quick as possible to get the answers to you that you need.

Another highly recommended resource would be Jason Illian's MyKids, MySpace. Perhaps the most authoritative and easiest to read work that's been done on the subject.

Mom, Dad, you need to be on MySpace, your kids already are and while they are there not a day goes by that they wouldn't be more safe - if they were to add you to their "friends" list.

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About The Author
Kevin McCullough is the nationally syndicated host of "'Xtreme' Radio and columnist based in New York. He blogs at www.muscleheadrevolution.com. His second book "The Kind Of MAN Every Man SHOULD Be" is in stores now.

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Bring up your own kids? The Horror!
What you are advocating is a radical new idea that nobody has ever suggested before -- that parents take responsibility!

How can you dare to suggest that they take their earbuds out, put down their Blackberries and cell phones, turn off the teevee and pay attention to the kids?

Don't you get the whole World of One Concept, maaaaaaan?

what the moms are doing
This actually works both ways, as baby-boomer moms are starting to discover the joys of the Internet. Some of those moms aren't role models either, as they frequent websites for married women looking for affairs, etc. At least with the Internet, kids can let us know what they're dealing with at home.

Have a look at these videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxODtqHnkpI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM2j2Zjitf8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDZ0PSXqb8c


Bringing up your own kids
There is a narrow, short lived window of time to develop the parent/child relationship which will determine how you interact the rest of your lives.

When children are little, their conversations are quite uninteresting, and it is easy to tune them out. But this is the very time to train them to reveal what is going on in their fuzzy little heads.

Teach them to tell you about their friends & their interests. Use this time to gently guide their thought patterns toward positive ambitions and clarity of reasoning.

If you are suddenly trying to get them to open up at the age of 13, when you have never shown an interest before, it is too late. That window of opportunity has closed. Don't wait until they become secretive, and are pushing for independance.

Yes, it is important to guide and discipline them, but do it from a place of knowledge.

Nowdays preditors are picking up their victims on the internet. How many of these tragedies would have been avoided if an adult knew what their child was up to?

SteveL- you are so right!
A stay-at-home mom does not guarantee that a child will receive good parenting.

There is an increased temptation to "taste the forbidden fruit," when you don't have to go down the street to the naughty bookstore. You can go to places you would never have gone without leaving your home, without risking the judgement of your neighbors and your community.

It is all the more reason to make a commitment to your own character.

Using your intelligence
First, God gave us psrents the early childhood years to inculcate both a moral code and asense of loyalty. If we fail to do so, if we wait and rely on the pre-schools and schools to do this, our chldren learn from their peers instead and we parents spend the rest of our lives trying to catch up.

Most important, we must know more about our children than they think we know. The key is not using the intelligence we collect until it is necessary and hopefully without revealing sources and methods.

Within the scrofulous mess that is the child's room lies information regarding her attitudes, behavior and friends which he or she will never reveal to you.

It is important that you collect this information -- returning the mess to its proper place -- and file what you know for future reference. Based on that intelligence you can mount subtle countermeasures, heading off real trouble before it appears. Always you should reinforce the family message.

Only in extremis should you reveal even a portion about what you know. Protecting your sources is important, lest the growing young person find better ways of securing it.

There are open sources. The breath when you hug them in greeting retains the smell of drink, even overlays of mouthwash do not cover. Hair retains the smell of smoke; clothes retain both. Doing laundry is a great discovery level. Pockets have forgotten treasures.

Covert action can involve even reading diaries and going to MySpace and Facebook -- never to be used except when necessary. It is tough keeping your child's secrets, but it is a necessary part of parenting -- of keeping family loyalty intact.

Then, finally, when they are adult enough and talk of raising families themselves, you can educate them about these responsibilities.





Shameful Character Assination!
The author of this article, Kevin McCullough, should be ashamed of himself for mentioning the singer Akon and the widely publicised incident on stage!

It is my understanding of the incident that Akon brought an audience member on stage and did some very sexually suggestive things with her while singing a song. This occured in a venue where all of the audience members were supposed to be checked to be 18 years old, or older upon entering. Akon had every right to assume that the employees working the entrance door to the event were properly doing their job, and that the girl he brought on stage was an adult. It was later determined that the girl was underage.

This incident should IN NO WAY brand Akon as any kind of sexual predator, as Kevin McCullough has done by mentioning him in this article in the context he has! I would almost think this article to be libelous in this regard.

Akon is NOT R. Kelly (who has not yet been found guilty of anything yet), or should he even be confused with him, just because they are both black singers.

Kevin McCullough owes Akon a public apology!


This is precisely why my computers
are located in the den rather than in my child's room (and why he doesn't have a TV in his room). The computers are out in the open where I can see what he is doing, not behind closed doors.

It is also why when he eventually decides he "needs" a cell phone (which will be paid for with HIS own money) it will be for making phone calls, not surfing the web. Kids do not need to be wired 24/7/365 (neither do adults for that matter).

It is ironic to me that parents who will pay a gardner $75 a week or more to mow the grass and keep the entire landscape weed-free adopt a completely different attitude when it comes to something infinitely more important: their kids.

They wouldn't drive into the inner city blocks lined with crack houses and wh*res, pushers and pimps, open the doors, and let the kids out to wander aimlessly, merrily assuming they'll find their way back home unscathed.

Yet when it comes to the internet, this is exactly what they do. They even pay for the gas and the car so junior can drive *himself* back-and-forth into Dangerland.

Get a clue. Grab a spine. Learn to say "no". Your kids may hate you for it now on the surface, but deep down they will feel loved and protected and thank you for it later.

Hypnotist
Thanks for excusing the inexcusable.

It makes us all eagerly await anything else of wisdom you might have to offer regarding parenting.

NevadaMinisterMom
Oh? You find it okay to assasinate the character of an innocent party by implying that he is a child sexual predator when my understanding of the actual incident would in no way brand Akon as such?

I am in no way defending child sexual predators. I was only defending a man who's reputation I feel has unjustly been dammaged.

Per my understandign of the FACTS (do they matter to you?) Akon should not be branded a child sexual predator because of a sexually suggestive performance IN PUBLIC where he could reasonably expect that all attending were adults.

Maybe as a "minister" you are a child sexual predator? There are a lot of them out there you know? Doesn't that imply that you are one too? There is probably a better chance that you, as a "minister", are a child sexual predator than Akon. Aren't all "ministers" these days?

Now then, how does it feel to you?


Hypnotist
You might want to get some remedial reading classes. My username is "mister" not "minister."

There is a difference.

nevadamistermom
My mistake. It is my glasses that I should be wearing, I apologize.

That does NOT though change the fact that your original comment defends the branding of an innocent man as a child sexual predator, when the FACTS to my understanding show nothing of the sort.

How can you defend such a position?

nevadamistermom (more info)
In the article above which discusses child sexual predators, tha author Kevin McCullough wtote: "Do you want your daughter interacting with Akon the man who humps under age girls on stage? If not are you aware that your daughter might still have a direct connection to him?"

Now, please see the most likely FACTS of the incident here:
http://www.tmz.com/2007/05/09/akon-apologizes-i-didnt-know-she-was-underage/

Considering what seem to be the actual facts of the incident I was commenting on above I STAND 100% FIRM in my belief that Mr. McCullogh was out of line with his statement, and Akon deserves an apology. Akon was man enough to make one, is Mr. McCullogh?

Hypnotist
You're hilarious. I have to assume you are setting up a bizarre joke. No sensible parent would want a daughter to be in contact with ANYONE who does sexually suggestive things on a stage, no matter what the age of the exhibitionist's partner.

McCullough owes no one an apology. If Akon is doing sexually suggestive things on stages in front of others, his partner could be a member of AARP and parents still ought to be concerned about their daughters having e-contact with him. The "under age" distinction here is yet further evidence that law is something we live DOWN to -- not a standard of morality.

Righteous indignation that Akon was being defamed because his stage partner was NOT UNDER AGE is about as funny as it gets. Haha. Good one!

Hard to Believe
It's hard to believe Kevin wrote a column without blaming something on liberals.

Refreshing....
....and pleasantly surprising to read that Kevin Mc can actually write a thoughtful, insightful and helpful column!

Every single thing I've read of his up until now has been adolescent drivel, pointless name calling and self righteous posturing.

Can we hope that maybe he will continue in this manner and abandon all his previous "us vs. them" garbage?

Hypnotist
Please read my post again. I said "excuse the inexcusable." Nowhere did I (or McCullough for that matter) call this guy a child molester or sexual predator. I just found it rather odd that a guy who does sexually suggestive things on stage with a total stranger OF ANY AGE would have someone rushing to his defense. Turns out the girl WAS underage and you have admitted as much. So, we've got two problems here:

1. Sexually suggestive stuff on stage isn't "entertainment." It's inexcusable for someone to rush to this guy's defense for doing something like that in any circumstances, and just that much more so when the girl is underage.

2. If he'll do that in PUBLIC then what might he exchange with somebody on MySpace in private? Some young little stars-in-her-eyes teenager who thinks Akon might like her "private photos" and be flattered if he exchanges e-mail with her? If he can't filter out the under-18s in a concert, how much LESS is he going to be able to filter out someone on MySpace who wants to lie about their age?

Neither I nor McCullough owes anyone an apology.

Please consider the legal definition of "libel." For soemthing to be libel, it must be UNTRUE. Where has McCullough said anything untrue?

Did Akon bump and grind with an underage girl?

Yes.

Does Akon have a MySpace account where people can correspond with him?

Yes.

Should parents of an underage girl want to be aware of it should their daughter start chatting with this guy?

Yes.

There are plenty of things in life to defend, but Akon doesn't strike me as one of them.

My solution
is not to let my kids on the internet. I wouldn't let them play outside a porn store or a bar, and there's no reason they need to play on the internet either.

it is liberals
The idea that pornography is embraced by the first amendment comes from the lib. Sup. Court in 1972. The approval of the f-word (which I cannot even type here as an example) also received the Sup. Ct. ok in "Cohen." I do not really see there is any difference in ages in porno. The whole purpose of pedophilia or pornogrpahy is the abuse and corruption of sexual innocence. The Sup. Ct. has also recently ok'd Pixar-type "child" porno, as long as the action is not "live." None of this nonsense is conservative. A major female porn star just proclaimed she'd rather have Hillary Clinton for pres. because the porno business was so good during Bill Clinton's administration. On the whole, parents should always to be THE adults in a household. Children's communications, rooms, tv's, computers, etc. should perpetually be under the consideration of parents. The tv-sitcom idea that all children are somehow naturally smarter, funnier, and "hipper" than their parents is a false liberal literary conceit. When I was teaching high school, parents would come to conferences all the time, throwing up their hands, and whining, "I don't know what to do with him/her. You do whatever you want to 1) to get passing grades, 2) to achieve elligibility for sports, 3) to get into the prom, 4) to graduate, you name it. High school is too late for parents to start realizing they must always influence their children's development. And parents that figure they'll keep the kids occupied and out of their hair by filling up childrens' bedrooms with electronic junk will discover too late their minor progeny are no longer interested in listening to adults about anything.

renny is correct
The Left has embraced the sexual revolution in all its forms, and consistently endorses teenage behaviors that are sexually inappropriate.

Freedom on the internet is a good thing; and yet, an astonishing volume of internet traffic is pornography. Liberalism regards this as "free speech;" conservatism recognizes that what the Constitution's authors had in mind for free speech was something very, very different. Note that nearly all pornographers vote D; note that conservatives on the internet are mostly discussing politics and culture.

No, the entire problem that McCullough is discussing here is not "us v them"; but "they" will never address the problem in any meaningful way, and "they" commit a frightening proportion of the problem behaviors.

An astonishing number of the parents of my teenagers' friends smoked dope... in front of their kids. How could any of those teens POSSIBLY grow to adulthood having a reasonable respect for the law? This was in a heavily Democrat neighborhood.

Anybody care to guess the voting habits of the three, drunk moms in the YouTube clips SteveL posted?

Re: hypnotist, and akon
Not mentioned so far is the fact that Hypnotist's defense of Akon rests on the claim "He had every reason to believe that the entire audience was above 18."

Exactly what planet does Hypnotist come from?

Artists in that genre know PRECISELY how lax entrance checking is in their venues. They expect underage kids, they expect illegal drugs, they expect indecent exposures and open sexual activity. They're not stupid, and they're not naive.

And they have eyes like everybody else; girls change in appearance as they age. It's not rocket science to look at a girl and guess her age within a year or two.

Don't even try to pretend Akon didn't expect all sorts of illegal behaviors in the audience, and all sorts of age violations. That's just laughable, hypnotist.

You Are Freaks!
OMG! I come back to this and look at all the crap. What a joke some of you people are.
Putting words in my mouth, and creating intent to things that I NEVER actually said, as if I said them! Do some of you have ESP? You are as guilty as McCullough.

Mr. McCullough called forth the name of a black entertainer named Akon within an article warning parents about pedophiles and child molestors, as if Akon was found guilty such. The action of Akon widely reported in the news DOES NOT support anything of the sort. It was a mistake/accident he apologized for.

I did NOT condone Akon's behavior in his show, nor did I in any way express that parents shouldn't worrk about children being in contact with Akon, or ANY OTHER ADULT on MySpazce. Some of you ESP using psychos have stated such though as if that is what I have done.

All I did was to point out that the actions of Akon do NOT classify him as a pedophile or child molestor, and it was wrong of Mr. McCullough to use Akon's name in this article in the way he did, as if he were.

Had Mr. McCullough accused Osama Bin Laden of being a child molestor or pedophile when the facts did not point to such a blasphemous accusation I do believe that would also be wrong!

Responsible journalism does not include the perpetuation of an inaccurate accusation as if it is fact, as Mr. McCullough has done with Akon here! If you want to bash Akon then stick to the facts! If you want to bash black entertainers as if they are child molestors then at least aim for R. Kelley, who certainly seems to have the cards stacked against his innocense, though even he has not been proven guilty yet.

Akon made a mistake that he apologized for, which in no way indicated that he might be a child molestor or abuser! Do not use the media to try to keep the false accusations going!





To hypnotist...
well...

if people like r kelly and akon acted in a manner that is respectable and above reproach, then we wouldn't be having this discussion, would we?

there may not be "proof" that they actually abused anyone at this point, but their lewd acts point to what is going on in their heads and hearts.

Why Parents Must My Space
I have grandchildren that are so into My Space and I have been so worried because of the very things you mentioned in your article...the pervs out there that are also on My Space waiting for the very young to sign on!
My Daughter did the very thing you talked about, she got a My Space of her own so she be aware of what,where and how her daugher was doing. Her daugher knows this and is okay with it.
I hope my other children are doing the same!
I wish for other parents the same devotion it takes to do the same in monotering their children in My Space.

Gabby
>Such things should be illegal for young people under eighteen (preferrably 21).

No such luck there.

They've tried similar things with porn sites. All the user needs is a valid credit card (which they can steal out of their parents wallet, it it is not already somewhere on the harddrive) and that may make people feel good, but thats about all the good it does.

Totally keeping children off line is not doing any good either. The web is a tremdous rescoure for research as well as communication. (Heck, we even use IM at work to communicate to the cube next to us.) If you dont want children learning how to use these tools before they are 18, well, they will already be behind when it comes to carreer and collge.

So parents have to stary engaged with their children as well as one step ahead of them. A computer in the bedroom is fine, its the hooking up to the internet thats would be the problem, and these can easily be control if the parents want to be administors to a home network.

~~~TeenAnswers~~~
Help spread these [volunteer sites] planet-wide and express real
empathy!~~~

~~~~~SUICIDE VACCINE~~~~~[It works, which is the only point, Eh?!]
http://CaptainChurch.proboards57.com
http://s2.excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=24582
http://s2.excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=15311
http://b4.boards2go.com/boards/board.cgi?user=ChurchCaptain
~~~On sites above: "A New fact about Jesus Christ" and "666 finally
explained"~~~
*
http://groups.google.com/group/TeenAnswers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BestTeenAnswers
http://groups.google.com/group/answers-for-teens
[~~~All groups:::5 permanent monographs & no chat~~~
like, "Who are YOU?!?" , "The useless War of the Sexes" and "LOVE is
the Real Thing".]

http://www.bev.net/users/homepages/JamesSorrell [My first web
page-2003]

Jim Sorrell [CaptainChurch]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the usual suspects
A well put forth opinion on parental responsibility, and the wackos come out in force. Half of you are scared to death to take it, and the other half simply ignore it, preferring to quibble about "Akon" or whoever the meecrob it is.

Get a life people.

Parental MySpace limitations
I started a MySpace page about 6 months ago with the intention to monitor my 14-year-old son's page, as well as to get some practice with website building. The latter has gone much better than the first reason, because my son's page is registered by him as "private," so you can't get to his profile or leave any message or comment unless he accepts your "friend request." I've looked over his shoulder a few times, and have little reason for concern with what I've seen. Just other kids saying kid things to each other. He says he never lets anyone on his page whom he doesn't already know in real life. We talked about letting me on his page, but he gives a good reason for declining---his teenage friends would start trying to link to my page, and if I let them do that, then my adult face automatically shows up on their pages; subjecting me to various comments or reckless statements by kids to or about me, which does no one any good.
Also, you would need more than just to be added as a friend to find out what private messages are being sent or received on any other page. You'd need the login and password to get to the home page. I haven't browbeaten my son for this information, but he knows both of his parents are aware of his MySpace page; and that if we have any reason to think he's abusing his computer privileges--it sits in the living room, not his bedroom, he'll be prohibited from using it and/or have to open up his page to us on demand.

My Thoughts
First off even if the parents of the children create a myspace account they can not see the private messages being sent to and from the childs account.

Secondly though they be perverts they are still humans granted rights that are unalienable. And if they want to use myspace they should be able to. The fact remains that you simply want to monitor the kids not make them understand the danger that exists in todays world.

Next you will start telling everybody to monitor there kid through keyloggers and over software. But than what happans to trusting your kid to do the right thing?
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