We will need the American Bar Association and American Arbitration Association. Section 622(m) of the bill will force taxpayers to cover the legal expenses for many illegal aliens needing lawyers to argue their case through the immigration courts and federal courts of appeals. Furthermore, if an illegal alien were to get into a dispute with an employer over their firing, the DHS (i.e. taxpayer) will pay the fees and expenses of the arbitrator.

We will need the Department of Agriculture. Title VI Subtitle B provides for “Agricultural Opportunities, Benefits and Security” and a “Pilot Program for Earned Status Adjustment of Agricultural Workers”.

We will need the Government Accountability Office. Title VII Section 707 provides for a “GAO study on the appellate process for immigration appeals”.

Last, but certainly not least, we will need the U.S. Border Patrol. Title I of the bill provides for “border enforcement”, and lots of other enforcement-related buzz words intended to make the American people believe that this time (notwithstanding all those other times (1965, 1986, 2006)), the government is serious about border enforcement. After all, “Border Enforcement” is Title I – the very first Title. Therefore, we will need the U.S. Border Patrol.

After doing the research regarding all of the “arms” of our new governmental agency, I quickly realized that it is simply impossible to include all of the letters of the names of the existing agencies that are part of this new agency. You cannot call an agency the “United States Department of Labor Education Homeland Security Internal Revenue Citizenship Immigration Services Social Security Administration Federal Bureau Investigation Drug Enforcement Alcohol Tobacco Firearms Immigration Customs Enforcement State Marshals Service Federal Bureau Prisons State Department Corrections Federal Emergency Management American Bar Arbitration Agriculture Government Accountability Office Border Patrol” (USDOLEHSIRCISSSAFBIDEATFICESMSFBPSDCFEMABAAGAOBP).

Moreover, there are too many letters to include in the 1-800 number for telephone inquiries (where you can push “2” for Spanish, “3” for Japanese, “4” for Chinese (with varying dialects to follow), “5” for French, “6” for German, “7” for Portuguese, “8” for Russian, and “9” for Dutch – more choices will surely follow once the bugs are out of the new telephone system at the new agency). Therefore, my suggestion would be to simplify the name. How about something like “United States Citizenship Revenue Education Workers Enforcement Department” (“USCREWED”)?

Once the new agency is created, which could take our government at least a few months to complete, some things will need to happen on a “go-forward” basis. First of all, office locations would need to be determined. Obviously, the home office would be in Washington, DC; but should there be a field office in every city in the United States (after all, there will be Z visa holders in all U.S. cities)? If so, thousands of field offices will be opened (e.g. U.S. Post Offices).

Next, a Secretary of the new agency would need to be chosen. Would the person be a Cabinet Secretary? Would they report directly to the President? Would they need Senate approval (Senate approval could be complicated)? Would they need to report to the Secretary of Labor, the Secretary of Education, the Secretary of Homeland Security, the Attorney General, the Secretary of Agriculture, and/or the Secretary of State? Should they simply serve in an “Under Secretary” capacity? Or, perhaps in some sort of new “Over Secretary” capacity above the aforementioned Secretaries? Would Alberto Gonzales or Condoleezza Rice be offended?

Employees would need to be hired including executives, secretaries, executive secretaries, assistants, mail room clerks, IT experts, human resources personnel, lawyers, receptionists, janitors, law enforcement personnel, facilities managers, and translators – to name a few. Office space would need to be rented, furniture purchased, computers purchased and installed, telephones purchased and installed. There would need to be computer training and telephone training. Employee handbooks would need to be drafted, printed and distributed. Diversity training would need to take place (only after the diversity trainers were hired and then trained themselves). The offices would need to be painted (color selections made), decorated, and provided with security.

Who knew that this immigration bill would create so many jobs? Should Z visa holders be allowed to work at the new agency? Should Z visa holders be on probation at the new agency until their probationary Z visa status is resolved? Would the same person supervising the Z visa holder’s probationary status at work supervise their probationary Z visa status? Obviously, I could go on and on regarding just the thought process surrounding the creation of this new agency.

Even if the United States Senate was serious about implementing the “enforcement” provisions of the “Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act of 2007” – and it is NOT – it would take YEARS and BILLIONS of dollars just to get the infrastructure in place to do so. And, I did not even mention the time it would take to develop the cross-agency computer data base needed to implement the details of the bill (after the ACLU finished litigating the “privacy” issues related to such a database).

So, the next time you interview a member of the United States Congress ask them about the new agency that would need to be put into place to implement the details of the bill. How much would the agency cost to get up and running? How much to operate annually? Has this agency even been discussed in the halls of Congress?