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Sunday, November 04, 2007
Ken Connor :: Townhall.com Columnist
How Firm a Foundation?
by Ken Connor
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Will the Dems' health care Christmas Present to America be an improvement or detriment to our health care system?


And everyone who hears these words of Mine, and does not act upon them, will be like a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and it fell and great was its fall. (Matt. 7:26-27 NASB)

A structure is only as strong as its foundation. If the foundation is sound, chances are the structure will be able to weather most any storm. But if the foundation is not secure, even the slightest stress can produce serious damage.

The family unit is the foundation of civilization. Healthy families are the basis of a strong and stable society. As the family goes, so goes the nation. No society can continue to flourish if its families are weak. A close examination of the state of America's families, therefore, should concern all who aspire to see our country remain strong and healthy.

Marriage and Divorce

The marital unit is the foundation of the family, but any honest observer must acknowledge that the institution of marriage is in trouble in America. The current divorce rate is almost double the divorce rate in 1960. For every two couples who get married today, another couple gets divorced. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within ten years is 33%. That probability increases to 43% if you use a 15 year time frame. The prevalence of no-fault divorce laws has made the covenant of marriage the easiest of all contracts to break. Getting out of marriage is the easy part, but there is nothing easy about the consequences of the break-up.

Cohabitation

Disillusioned by what they see happening to their parents' marriages, more and more young people are cohabiting without the benefit of marriage. The marriage rate has decreased by approximately 50% since 1970. It's now lower than it has ever been. The number of couples living together without marrying has increased more than tenfold since 1960. Fifty percent of all first marriages are now preceded by cohabitation (Larry Bumpass and Hsien-Hen Lu, "Trends in Cohabitation and Implications for Children's Family Contexts in the U.S.," Population Studies 54 (2000): 29-41). Between 1990 and 2005, cohabitation in the United States increased a whopping 70%!

About half of cohabiting couples ages 25-34 have children in their households. That does not augur well for the children or the country. Children of cohabitants are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems and experience greater education difficulties. They are also more likely to be economically disadvantaged.

Illegitimacy

In light of the high rates of cohabitation, it should come as no surprise that the rate of illegitimacy in America has skyrocketed. Today in the U.S., 37% of all children are born out of wedlock. In 2005, 1.5 million children were born to unmarried women. While the birth rate among married women has decreased by 43% since 1960, it has doubled among unmarried women.

The future for children in single parent families is often dim. Adolescents from single parent families are twice as likely to drop out of school and to have an out of wedlock birth before age twenty. Children living with a single mother are six times more likely to live in poverty than children in an intact family.

Biotechnology

Biotechnology is transforming attitudes about the role of marriage, as well as the nature of humanity. In 2002, the Washington Post reported on a deaf lesbian couple who recruited a congenitally deaf sperm donor so that they could produce deaf children. The couple planned no role for the father. His role was limited to that of a mere inseminator. Fathers are deemed superfluous by lesbian couples who decide to have children. Prominent notables among such couples include the daughter of the Vice President of the United States.

Homosexual Marriage

The push is on to redefine marriage to extend the bonds of matrimony to include same sex couples. Homosexual parenting is advocated by prestigious organizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and the American Psychological Association, among others. Studies show, however, that there is a greater incidence of depression, promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, and domestic violence among homosexuals than among heterosexual couples. Further, homosexuals have a shorter life expectancy than heterosexuals—no small consideration to take into account when taking on the responsibility of raising children.

Advocates of homosexual parenting discount the roles that the different sexes contribute to the development of children. The notion that it's not important to have a mother and father involved in the development of a child defies common sense and experience. Most single moms struggling to raise kids by themselves will attest to the value a dad brings when it comes to disciplining children. Numerous studies attest to the important (and admittedly, different) roles that moms and dads contribute to the shaping of their boys and girls.

Conclusion

The American family is under siege and confronted with a host of societal and economic pressures that threaten its undoing. Those who aspire to a just society will do well to try to counteract those pressures, to promote policies that strengthen families, and to model healthy families to those around them.

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About The Author
Ken Connor is Chairman of the Center for a Just Society in Washington, DC.
 
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I get it
only marry if you're going to stay married and can have children naturally.

From the conclusion and the article that precedes it I take it that Connor
MIGHT want the following:

a) it harder to get a divorce
b) laws against cohabitation (for unmarried people)
c) that people who would have illegitimate births have to marry
d) no artificial insemination (or restricted to married people?)
e) no same sex marriage

This might not be the case, but if he does not want laws that would do
the above, the best I think you could do is lead by example. and that is already happening on every side of these issues.

Now the solution imo is to get the state out of the marriage racket.

One may argue about the particulars,
But the premise is correct. The basic unit of society is the family. If the family is in trouble, the demise of the society is not far behind.

MITT BELIEVES IN MARRIAGE
Mitt has changed to PROLIFE ...NO FLOP...Mitt has always believed in MARRIAGE between a man and a woman...NO FLIP... Mitt also believes that Jesus rose from the dead and that he died for our sins...Mitt first of three positions is a strong famaliy.

everyonesfacts

Say everyonefacts, how about writing your own article and explain how all the things Ken Conner say are not actually harmful to society but in fact are good for society.

We could then pick apart your article without any documentation just as you do Conner's work.

Birdman
Since I am one who tends to be in the libertarian camp on most issues,
I do not see the following as harmful:

a) people who want to get a divorce getting a divorce
b) people who want to live together living together
c) people who do not want to marry each other not marrying each other
d) the use of artificial insemination
e) same sex marriage (I am for state recognition if the state continues
to recognize heterosexual marriage, but again I think the state should
butt out.)

None and all of these are harmful to society. Just like so many things.
But none of them would be as harmful as making laws against them or
forcing people into situations not of their own choosing.

That said, I agree that people who want to marry each other and live
together as long as naturally possible and have children naturally is a
good thing too.

Go ahead Birdman, fellow THers pick all you want.

A Wierd Thing
Of all the Republican candidates isn't it unusual that the only one that has been married to only one woman is the Mormon? On the Democrat side you have the Clinton marriage which is a testament to political ambition. That Hillary stayed married to a world class philanderer says a lot about what she sees as important.

Trulib
Good points. Maybe a little bit weird? :-D?

In my case, Mitt's commitment to his own word, as exemplfied by his treatment of his marriage vows is the main thing he has in his favor as i consider who is the most likely RINO, Mitt or Rudy. Rudy is the more likely arrogant elitist, more likely to see flip flopping as perfectly natural.

everyones said:
"None and all of these are harmful to society."

No, not if you don't consider children as members of society.

Savage99
Looking at the differences in how Liberals and Conservatives perceive the need to to be faithful to a vow says a lot about the way they can be trusted to perform in the future. I think back to the 'No new taxes' pledge by Bush the Elder. In setting aside that pledge he showed his colors as a true Eastern Liberal Republican. In his heart he did not see it as a betrayal. He was simply operating from a position of having new information and in the Liberal mind ignoring new information in order to fulfill a promise made with old information is stupid.

The same can be said of wedding vows. I promised to be faithful to my wife thirty years ago. After standing up in front of friends and family and voicing those words I feel a stong need to live by them. Should I be swayed by by the new information I have received in the form of my hot next door neighbor communicating the willingness to provide certain comforts?

I know that it is simplistic to present it in this way but when you hire someone to do a job you expect them to do what they say they will do. To my mind a Liberal of whatever party is less trusworthy in that respect.

Oh, and in truth, she is not hot and if she were to find me the least bit attractive I would refer her to an optometrist.

everyonesfacts writes: 04, 2007 12:21 AM


only marry if you're going to stay married and can have children naturally.

Now the solution imo is to get the state out of the marriage racket.

DESKJOCKEY WRITES

Our entitlement system pays women to keep the male out of the residence. I think this is why our founders limited the function of giver-ment to some 28 items. They understood it corrupts everything it touches.

TruLib writes: 04, 2007 8:39 AM

Of all the Republican candidates isn't it unusual that the only one that has been married to only one woman is the Mormon? On the Democrat side you have the Clinton marriage which is a testament to political ambition. That Hillary stayed married to a world class philanderer says a lot about what she sees as important.

DESKJOCKEY WRITES

Huckabee & Paul have been divorced? I did a quick net search and found nothing.

If I was married to Hillary I would obviously have to decide which sin is worse, murder of philandering.

Deskjockey
My apologies, I was refering to the perceived top tier candidates. Huckabee has the potential to move up, Paul not so much. Having now incurred the wrath of the Paulistas TruLib will now slink away.

for Trulib
trulib writes: "Looking at the differences in how Liberals and Conservatives perceive the need to to be faithful to a vow says a lot about the way they can be trusted to perform in the future. "

Surveys have shown that the states with the highest divorce rate tend to be Red States, not Blue States.

Folks in Red States talk conservative but they live libertarian.

Arizona is a famous example. It's the state of Barry Goldwater--and it's the only state in the Union which has legalized brothels outside of the major cities.

SteveL
You seem to be confusing Arizona with Nevada.

Independent thinker
everyonefacts said:
"None and all of these are harmful to society."
Independent Thinker writes:
No, not if you don't consider children as members of society

Yes, of course children are a part of society.

I don't see how any of the list hurt children more than the reverse would:
1) Would it be better to keep people from getting a divorce who have
children than letting them divorce?
2) Would it be better if a mother and child lived apart from a man who
wanted to live with the mother?
3) Would children of same sex marriages be better off in a single parent
household?

4) I would say cohabitation without children has little to do with harming
children
5) Artificial insemination is too dependent on the parents to imo be
worthy of debating whether it's harmful to children.

So how are the above more harmful to children than the reverse.

The Dictionary says
Marriage: the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife

Husband: a man joined in marriage to a woman

Wife: a woman joined in marriage to a man

Seventy years ago I first heard the joke that if you call a dogs tail a leg, how many legs does it have? Answer 4.

In the same vein, if two men say they are married to each other, do they have a marriage? Answer No.

Two families pay money each month to live in a house, is it the same? No, one pays rent, the other pays a mortgage.

Two wheeled vehicles are going down the street, are they the same? No, one is a bike, the other a motorcycle.

Two multi-wheeled vehicles are going down the street, are they the same? No, one is a car, the other is a truck.

If a man and a woman are married to each other, do you have a marriage? Yes, of course.

If two men want to act like they are married, then find another word to describe that act.

And the key word is "act."

interesting statistics
The most compelling statistic in Connor's article are the ones concerning homosexuality. Here you have a group that has been artificially banned from the marraige ceremony, and what is the result, shorter life expectancy, more depression, etc.

It will be interesting now that Massachusetts has allowed for same-sex marraige, (as has Canada and some European countries) whether the statistics for married homosexuals tend to mirror those for heterosexual couples. That would be strong evidence for the importance and value of marraige.

marriagenotastaticdefinition/institution
Jim, one should note that in Merriam-Webster same sex marriage would
qualify as marriage, just not definition 1a:

http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/marriage

you can also check parent when you're on their and find a definition not
to your liking either.

And Stephanie Coontz, whom I guess is the foremost expert in marriage
sees it as a dymamic institution that is changing. Google her name she
has several essays and editorials on the subject of same sex marriage
or you could read her book on the history of marriage, which I haven't.

FWIW, Jim, I think you are trying to call a leg a tail. If two people get
married as recognized by their church or by their state then they are
married whether you call it "unmarried", "an abomination", or
whatever. (Of course, marriage needs to be consensual and not forced.)

You didn't need to bother
everyonesfacts writes: Sunday, November, 04, 2007 3:50 PM

Even before I read your tripe, I knew there were many who think like you, but that doesn't make your opinion valid.

Just create another word to describe whatever it is you want to do.

Your type has already screwed up other words. The word Qu**r is a perfectly good word, that is not permitted to be used any more.

And another perfectly good word Gay, has been misused so that there is no meaning to the word.

Your use of the word gay is completely opposite to my use of the word.

Do you really know of even one Qu**r who is happy?

Ken is wrong in his part about gays
Mr. O'Connor's claims about gays is indicative of how some conservatives and the religious right have distorted credible medical information.

1. Gays do not have a short lifespan. Mr. O'Connor was citing a study done by Paul Cameron, a man who was dismissed from the American Psychological Association in 1983.

Cameron has been continously cited for bad research techniques by several folks including William Bennett, The Traditional Values Coalition, and Exodus International.

There are no studies that show that gays have a greater degree of promiscuity than heterosexuals. No regarding depression, studies do show that gay youth have somewhat of a high rate of it, but it is due to the effects of homophobia

ken is wrong part 2
there was a 1997 study that folks like ken uses to claim that gays have a short lifespan but the authors of the study came out in 2001 saying their work was distorted.

as far as drug abuse and domestic violence, convenience sample studies, studies with a small number of participants (i.e. 35 women) and out-of-date studies have been used to make the case that gays have a high rate of drug abuse and domestic violence.

the usage of these studies says nothing about the gay community but the ethics and morals of those who use them.

for Trulib
You're right.

I should have said that in Arizona, there is widespread public support for decriminalizing marijuana. It's Nevada that has the legal brothels, Las Vegas casinos and the 24 hour drive-thru "Chapels of Love."

And yet both states have been GOP strongholds.

The divorce rate is actually higher in the Red States than it is in the Blue States.

Being in the Red States doesn't make you a born-again Christian necessarily. Libertarianism is also popular there.

Jim
To answer your question, yes I do no homosexuals who are happy.
The better question is are they as happy as heterosexuals and to that
I would also say yes.

It looks like your problem is with human ingenuity or ignorance or
defiance when it comes to language. Language as used by humans is
dynamic. And dictionaries if they are worth their salt are descriptive
not prescriptive. You wish for something like the French Academy
that is not how it is done in the good ol' USA.

And I believe my opinions are valid - see definition #2 in M-W
And more importantly gay weddings are valid according to definition
#1 in M-W in states and churches that recognize same sex marriage,
respectively.

You also look up the word gay in M-W too to see how that is defined.

Now if you use a dictionary from the 19th C. maybe you'll find definitions
you can agree with more

On rechecking the dictionary that should
be know not no in the first line
I also used their for there in an earlier post if anyone is keeping score.

SteveL
Yes the divorce rate is higher in the red states but the rate of spousal murder is much higher in the blue states. You might want to check me on that fact as I am pretty sure I just made it up. At least when I make up stuff you can trust me to tell you about it.:)

How About the Kibbutz?
I have no personal experience with the Israeli kibbutz but wrote a paper on some aspects of kibbutz life when I was in graduate school so when I read this article I wondered, what about the kibbutz? Traditionally, kibbutz children don't grow up with their families but in a children's house with age-mates. Parents come to visit. As kids grow older, they move on to another house with different caregivers and toys, the only constant being the peers. The theory behind this method was that children would grow up with their primary loyalty being to the group, which was seen as necessary for national survival. I have zero information on how this all turned out, but I'd guess that some Israelis might argue with the author about family life being essential for successful nurture. As I say, I am neither expert nor experienced in this kind of communal life. Just wondering. It's an interesting topic. Have we any kibbutzniks in the townhall tonight, who can tell us about this?

I would argue...
... that as far as government is concerned, the fundamental unit is the *individual*. Consenting adults can decide for themselves what sort of relationships they voluntarily enter into, and as long as fraud and coercion are not involved or the liberties of others are not infringed upon, the government really has no role (or shouldn't).

The America Family under Assault!
I agree with Birdman and Savage for the most part but what is more important for me is that the powers that be in our society continually have become and are becoming anti-family. Children have a problem because they barely know who to identify with anymore for a male or female role model? In fact, this so called diversity which is the antithesis of the Nuclear Family seems to castrate the American Male Role model in favor of a more masculine Female role model.....and continually tries to brainwash our children that this is normal.

So, we have more confused generations coming of age where the anti-nuclear family model is celebrated while the traditional role model is discarded on the ash heep of so called Social Progress! We live in an age where our modern society celebrates the Ellen Degeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, and Liz Cheney Lesbians who where the pants now instead of the men and this is hailed as a victory for those who seek to destroy the traditional values which is the very foundation that under pins our society. The perverted has become the reality of the day and if you so much as utter a word like the ones I have written...your career might be on the line....or now....over the line??? What the hades is going on?

SteveL writes
"The divorce rate is actually higher in the Red States than it is in the Blue States."

But then, you have to be married in the first place to get a divorce.

Families are fundamental
"that as far as government is concerned, the fundamental unit is the *individual*."

As far as government is concerned, yes. But, because government is an insidious cancer, and grows like one, it seeks to increase its grip on everyone. To do so, it must weaken families because strong families do not need much government.

There are a myriad of programs the state has instigated to advance its purposes. Among the most effective:

GRTF-Welfare schools take the parental right and responsibility to educate their children -- passing that charge on when the generous state impounds money to do so from others.

AntiSocial inSecurity removes the need for people to support their parents -- moving that responsibility when the magnanimous state confiscates money to do so from others.

Aid to "Families" with Dependent Children lets men off the hook for supporting their children (as long as they abandon them or appear to) -- transferring that duty when the bighearted state extorts money to do so from others.

"Consenting adults can decide for themselves what sort of relationships they voluntarily enter into, and as long as fraud and coercion are not involved or the liberties of others are not infringed upon, the government really has no role"

I agree fully.

But the state has rigged the game by forcing all children to undergo "education" it provides (90%) or approves (10%).

So, there are both fraud (promising education, but supplying indoctrination) and coercion (no disparagement of "alternative" lifestyles permitted) involved. And it's the state that's doing both.

Anyone with values who sends his children to a grtf-welfare schools puts his child at extreme risk.

GET THEM OUT NOW!

Do whatever it takes, and do it now.

Le
==
Please visit http://www.schoolandstate.org

Only Man Can Kill The True Law

Anyone who is literate enough to comprehend the word of God can see how society is falling apart from not following the Ten Commandments and God’s word. Making excuses to conform to the actions of the non-believers only shows one to be a fool.

It is real simple to understand when you stand back and observe how broken families affect how neighborhoods fall, cities become high crime statistics, politicians throw money instead of working to rebuild values in society and eventually, you have a country that follows every other nation that has fallen from the same mistakes.

God’s word and his principles for a sound society do not change or lose their truths. Only people can change and ignore what history has shown to work until man corrupts it.

stability
Just so you are aware, I have taken marriage counseling before getting married, and even though my husband only attended two? of three sessions for marriage, the pastor did ask us both about our backgrounds. There are problems when people who are engaged don't seek to get the right kind of marriage counsel before they commit their lives together. Those who do have a better opportunity to know how to handle things when there are problems. The things that my family has taught me, is make sure that you don't allow for a faulty foundation before you get started. Those cracks deal with 'addictions, uncontrolled, or not dealt with', among other factors, as in, what would be a cause for a separation or divorce? Take these to heart, and you should have a healthy foundation to build on. So making sure your 'mate' or potential mate, has a solid faith in GOD, is walking with HIM, and doing His will, should be the basis on which you have started your marriage. Making sure that your own walk of faith is strong as well. Prayer together, and obedience to God are crucial to keeping one's marriage solid. Slipping into the way of 'sin' is very easy to do, and one must take means to insure that you don't slip. Daily Bible Study is also crucial. Without these guards, one's marriage, is subject to leaks. These can only be combatted, by integrity of spirit, and body. Prayer, and not giving in to the temptations of the world also are worthy of obedience to God.
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