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Thursday, July 02, 2009
Kathryn Lopez :: Townhall.com Columnist
Mrs. Sanford and Sons: Guv's Wife Stands Up for Family
by Kathryn Lopez
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Move over, Sarah Palin? Jenny Sanford, the wife of embattled Republican South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, is attracting her own constituency. The reason behind this is easy to see.

Sanford's husband, who recently admitted to having an extramarital affair, explains that he "crossed lines" multiple times during his marriage, but only really "cheated" on his wife with one woman he shared a "love story" with. And now Mrs. Sanford has become something of a heroine, according to press reports. One friend of the wronged Mrs. Sanford told the Washington Post: "I think Jenny has not had these types of ambitions, but I think every woman in South Carolina would vote for Jenny Sanford for governor right now."

There's been a clear difference between the public statements of Mark and Jenny Sanford: only one seems to be concerned with the question of responsibility. The first lady of South Carolina, upon her husband's confession that he had jetted off to Argentina for the express purpose of a little hanky-panky, looked at duty clearly: she loves her husband and has children to protect. Mark Sanford, on the other hand, put power as his priority.

He, clearly, is a broken man. He's making lame excuses for his infidelity in his marriage, dereliction of duty as governor and misuse of power (trysting with his mistress on the state's dime). Maybe it's all desperation. I don't envy the man whose mistakes are exposed for the world to see. But he's made some choices -- to get married, to father children, to run for governor. And now, instead of The Sanford Family and State of South Carolina Show, it's The Mark Show. All Mark All the Time. Watch the Tragedy Unfold, the Man Who Could Have Been the Great Right Hope. It's as if he's taken lessons from Blago, the ludicrously corrupt and impeached former governor of Illinois turned media monster.

Across the political spectrum, Mrs. Sanford has garnered respect for not appearing at her husband's press conference and for taking the opportunity to reaffirm basic, unimpeachable values. Presumably she knew more about the story than we would that day--as more details would later be revealed -- and had reason not to trust him enough to buy in.

She would later tell reporters camped out at the end of her driveway that "his career is not a concern of mine...He's going to have to worry about that. I'm worried about my family and the character of my children."

You'd think statements like these would make Mrs. Sanford a feminist icon. Alas, she may have the right reproductive organs, but she's lacking the ideology that brands one a real woman in terms of the left's political purposes. She's a Christian Republican, after all. And she's one who embraces her role as wife and mother -- refusing to throw those responsibilities under the bus in the wake of her husband's adultery.

Tina Brown, writing on her Daily Beast Web site, spared some praise for Sanford before going for the jugular. Brown wrote: "Just when she set the table for a big-ticket matrimonial lawyer to have a payday on behalf of all the humiliated political wives ... the first lady of South Carolina blew it. She chose instead a pious manifesto that lets the governor off the hook."

Or maybe, Tina, she believes in more important things. Some of us do.

Brown quoted Mrs. Sanford: "I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance."

"I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal," Mrs. Sanford wrote. (She's right, and the idea must have some fans, as she does.) Being governor of a state is also a commitment and an act of will. One involves a vow, the other an oath. Mark Sanford has kept neither. And his rambling interviews and appearances (and disappearances) provide ample reason to wonder if he's up for either job right now. His wife clearly doesn't think he can handle the husband and father part, having asked him to leave in the hopes of eventual reconciliation.

It was because of her respect for marriage -- and his confusion on the matter -- that she asked him to go. Jenny Sanford deserves credit for standing by principle.

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About The Author
Kathryn Jean Lopez, editor of National Review Online, writes a weekly column of conservative political and social commentary for Newspaper Enterprise Association.
 
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How?
How will the GOP deal with Mrs. Sanford. She is a total, complete feminist.

What do you mean, Elizabeth?
The GOP has many feminists.

In fact, the GOP has true feminists. The ones who care about things that affect women, families, and the country.

The liberals have so-called feminists that actually are liberal parade followers.

One has only to remember Bill Clinton's support from liberal feminists when the rape charges were made.

Quite Right, Husker2
The Left sports the biggest bunch of faux feminists imaginable. And Hillary et al standing by Bill despite his despicable treatment of many women?

Hillary standing by her (rapist) man so she could run for POTUS w/o a resume...and the rest willing to give BillyBoy a Lewinski for saving abortion.

No real woman is safe with any of 'em.

Comparing Jenny to Hillary: No contest. Jenny is stand-up woman to be respected and admired.

Don't like the term feminist
I hate that term - it actually sets women back rather than the equality we seek and most of us already enjoy. We are all human, we make mistakes. Mark Sanford deserves to have a chance at his marriage and if Jenny is willing to forgive who are we to judge? But if I had to choose between the two of them to lead my state, I would vote the level headed one, Jenny! I do hope she will come out someday after her youngest is older. I think it was because she started to devote more time to her family this last 2 years that Mark went astray. I would even bet my last dollar that most of his policies were driven by her.

sarah palin jab
I like this article, have the convictions of marriage. But why the jab at Sarah Palin? Why does she have to move over? Is there a limit to your respect for conservative women? A heirarchy?

Bravo
We Liberals have much respect for Jenny Sanford. We agree with you that she handled herself remarkably well...

She let it be known that it was not All About Him and His Career.

Bravo, Jenny, Bravo !

Yet she is still in love with him and his heart is somewhere else... Eventually she will be able to let go without a second thought.



Move over Sarah
Why should Sarah move over.The article was well written and insightful. However when first read, the tittle leaves the impression that Todd Palin had also been unfaithful. A great means to catch the readers eye,but totally deceptive and disingenuous to the Palins and your readers. As conservatives we should never be willing to employ deceptive tactics. Leave them to the Liberals

Sorry
My previous post was for another blog. Guess I should not have two windows open at once.

Candace
" I think it was because she started to devote more time to her family this last 2 years that Mark went astray" I fail to see the logic in your thinking. So you believe that a wife of a politician should be less caring so that her husband will remain faithful. Sounds like you are one of those who blame the victim for bringing on the tragedy on herself and her family thereby making the husband the true victim. He strayed for a very simple reason. He is a male of limited character. I said male because I believe the term man denotes certain character traits such as honesty, integrity, loving and if married putting ones spouse first. Certain biological features do not make a man, only a male.

I wish her peace . . .
love and happiness.

Jenny Sanford has taken a very painful situation and emerged from the publicity with her head held high.

I can understand her wanting to save her marriage and her family. She has four beautiful sons that she wants to instill with sound principles and ideals.

However, if she is realistic, she has to realize that, no matter how repentant her husband may claim to be, as long as he refers to his mistress as his "soul mate", his heart (or at least the brain attached to his male appendage) has been given to another.

Sure he wants to save his marriage and his career, but she must be willing to settle for second place in her husband's affection if she wants to continue the marriage. Many women do.

It is simply a case of another man "wanting his cake and eating it too", as the old saying goes.

As for his career . . . (speaking as a South Carolina voter) . . .Pffft!

My advice, as one who has "been there, done that" is to ditch him, and look forward to actually being with her own "soul mate", rather than a philanderer.

Believe me, it's much better being married to a man you can love AND trust! And I know what I'm talking about!

Whatever she decides, I wish her and her sons the best.

Who can trust... ?


Irrespective of political affiliation...

Who can trust "anyone" who thinks with the wrong organ ?




Commendable behavior
Three cheers for Jenny. She is taking her wedding vows seriously. What exactly do people think “for better or worse” means? Accepting it when your husband leaves the toilet seat up? This is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate love and marriage are commitments – acts of the will – and not based only on “feelings.”


Tuxedo Press, you think she should cut her losses? If she remains with him she is. Her character will be all the stronger – not to mention the sanctity of her soul. Telling her to move on and find someone else is a misunderstanding of the marriage vow – “What God has joined . . . “

It’s actually literally impossible to separate what God has joined. Sounds like Jenny realizes this. Feelings are up and down and all over the place – truth is constant.

Move over Sarah Palin?
You musdt have your people mixed up. It should have read, "Move over Mrs. Kerry." How did you get those confused?

What I don't understand
What I don't understand about Mrs. Sanford is this: Her husband calls another woman his "soul-mate"; however, he says, purely out of a sense of duty, he is willing to move back home and TRY to "fall back in love" with Mrs. Sandford. And ... this is good enough for her? I'd kick him to the curb!

I understood Mrs. Clinton; she had the conventional Victorian understanding of marriage. Mrs. Clinton had her husband's love and respect; the bimbos had his animal passion. Again, not a situation I would put up with, but it's one I understand.

Mrs. Edwards is on her deathbed (have you seen her lately? doesn't look good), and she's decided that she wants Mr. Edwards by her side for her remaining weeks. Again, a situation I can understand.

Mrs. Craig must believe her husband when he says that he is not gay, which is why she stays.

But Mrs. Sanford? I don't get it. Is her self-esteem that low? (Mr. Clinton and Mr. Edwards never called their bimbos their "soul-mate"!)

Mrs Sanford's Example
Jenny Sanford has shown us all how a real Lady behaves. Putting God and Family first she has provided us, an example of wisdom not often displayed in any age much less our modern one. This successful woman has not allowed her ego to destroy her family. We recognize she would be justified in obtaining an attorney getting some satisfaction in destroying her husband. It is what most of us would do.

Mark Sanford should pray for God’s insight in earning back his wife’s trust and fixing his family. He should resign as Governor primarily to put his wife and family first. It would be a huge sacrifice and demonstrate character I have so far not seen in Mark Sanford.

"It's Woman's Hour"
From last week at http://www.brushfires-of-freedom.com/women.html
Jenny Sanford is American greatness personified.

GOP/DEMOCRATES 1 CONSERVATIVES 0

Elizabeth in UT. The same way they dealt with Palen. They only let her run because McCain was a weak candidate, trying to reach the Conservative vote.
You have to understand! Since Lincoln on down there has been a movement toward a strong central government that would one day just ignore the people.If what you are seeing today oesn't convince you, I have some ocean front property in Utah I would love to sell you. The powers that are evil in both partices show us that there is no differece in Washington no matter which party is in power

Georgiagal
Why is it you can understand everyone else's reasons for staying with a husband who broke their marriage vows...except Jenny Sanford? You make all of their reasons seem so much more logical and rational, even pragmatic; but when you mention Mrs. Sanford you determine that she must have "low self esteem". Why is that?

Actually I admire Mrs. Sanford for taking the stand she has, even though it is something that I may not be able to see myself doing. But she obviously has looked at who she is, where she is in her life, and what seh wants to do for her children and has decided that those vows she took mean something. They are more than just sentimental words in a ceremony, they are obviously a solemn vow she took in front of both God and man...and they mean what they say. The wedding vows don't say for better or for great; they say for better or for worse. Well, this is the "worse" for her, and she has the strength to attempt to make this marriage work. I don't know how this will all play out, especially with Mr. Sanford yapping about how his concubine is his "soul mate", but I do applaud Mrs. Sanford for doing what so many of us in our society will not do; namely, go through the hard times and do her part to honor the wedding vows she freely took.

Another Hillary?
Just another Hillary Clinton type political wife
trying to save what she can of her artificial world. Hillary's successful example of putting the stamp of approval on infidelity is now a morally acceptable way to mitigate the problem.
Sanford's husband is no "Slick Willie" He probably wouldn't be let to continue even if she does "forgive" him.

High Self Esteem
Georgiagal,

What makes you think Sanford saying she's my soulmate means he's fallen in love? Ha! Try lust. He can make it sound as romantic as he likes, but I have a feeling Jenny and the rest of the world are able to recognize it for what it is.


Palin? The pay off
What's Palin got to do with this story?

When Mrs Sanford wakes up to the fact that living with a man who would rather be with 'his soulmate', someone 'whose heart belongs with someone else', it is more painful to herself and a poor example for her kids, then she'll leave. In the meantime, it's finacially easier on the family to keep him. The women who 'stand by their man' eventually loose respect for the man and themselves. The issue of betrayal never really ever goes away if you live a life based upon values and trust. Elizabeth Edwards is very ill, she's trying to keep her kids with their father to make their lives easier. I respect that. Hillary had her own political ambitions and reasons for putting up with her idiot husband, and it's paid off. It all comes down to the Pay Off and what you're willing to put up with for staying with a cheater.

Edamon50 to Georgiagal
I Couldn't have said it better myself..well done.

I can't relate to what Jenny has experienced, I've been happily married to a Man for 48 yrs this month. My Man puts God first and out of that flows his love and respect for me and his
actions as a father to our children and Grandfather to our many, mnay grandkids.
Mark Sanford comes across as a weak and doubleminded male, and a selfish one at that.
His first priority as a husband and father is to the ones he's wounded so badly in his lust for the Argentinian bimbo (she KNEW he was married and didn't care, if she did she had the power to say NO!) And that priority, if he is a committed Christian is to seek counseling from a Godly Pastor and NOT the driveby sharks in order to heal the wounds. He can't do that and remain Governor..his boys demand he put them first before his bimbo soul mate and his career.
Maybe we wouldn't have so many lost and alone kids if the parents stood by their vows and worked in their marriages. I commend Jenny for having the courage of her convictions which arise from her faith. She may end up with him
unable to reconcile due to his selfish obsession but it won't be her fault.

RESPECT
I respect Jenny Sanford for having the courage to honor her marriage vows. It's not what I would do, but at least it doesn't sound like she's doing it for the same self-serving political ambition that kept Hillary Clinton with her philandering SOB, or Jackie Kennedy's greed that gave her TWO wealthy but roving hubbies. Elizabeth Edwards...well, I'll cut her a break because she's so sick, but her husband is the KING of the sleazebags!

Other wives have stayed with roving hubbies for a variety of reasons. But the Sanford story hasn't completely played out. I give Jenny a ton of respect for kicking him to the curb, and setting the rules for forgiveness. I have a feeling he has already done himself more harm than good if he really intends to repair his marriage. If you're trying to say you're sorry and rebuild trust in your marriage, the way to do that IS NOT to tell the world that your mistress is your soulmate and you'll "try" to love your wife. If I were Jenny Sanford I'd tell him, "Don't do me any favors, Buster! hit the road."

true soul-mates
My opinion of American politicians has been that Democrats are wicked, while Republicans are weak and stupid. As Mark Sanford continues to disregard his wife and four sons by saying that his girlfriend is his soul-mate, he proves that some Republicans are weak and stupid, as well as wicked---The fact is those two truly are soul-mates: They are both unrepentant adulterers.

Mrs. Sanford
I admire Mrs. Sanford for what she is trying to do but just once I would like to see the following scenario played out:

The famous politician cheats. The wife and public find out about it. The wife totally blows her cool, kicks the so-and-so out of the house and throws his stuff on the lawn, calls a press conference where she calls him every name in the book and embarrasses the heck out of him. No political correctness baloney of "standing by him while we try to work it out for the good of the children and his constituents".

Maybe if more wives married to politicians did something like this fewer would stray. Of course the liberal MSN who condones any sex outside of legitimate marriage would be outraged and blame the wife but I am tired of this happening all the time.

Actions have consequences, people. I am not naive but our country is going to the dogs because of this moral relativism that has besieged it the last several decades.

And yes I will include Democrats and Republicans and throw in other morally questionable activities involving money, etc. not just adultery. So don't peg me just as a naive conservative who only defends Republicans. All are guilty. Governor Sanford, what were you thinking?

To sunny
Re "It's financially easier on the family to keep him"---not necessarily. Although I couldn't find anything just now when I googled for the information, I heard on TV that Jennie Sullivan Sanford is independently wealthy (which may mean family money) and that she was a Wall Street stockbroker before her marriage (or the money could come from her previous work).

You are right, often couples stay together because they can't afford to break up, and often the woman is financially dependent on the man she'd like to leave, but it sounds as if JSS may not be in that boat.

Lepanto
Her husband got on national television and said another woman is his "soul-mate" and is with him in a great and tragic love story, some such words. He made it clear that the tragedy of his life is not being with that other woman that he loves so desperately and hopelessly. Apart from the fact that this crap sounds like it came out of a Harlequin Romance, what do you suppose those four boys are learning from hearing their father talk that way about a woman not their mother? You think Ms Sanford evidences "wisdom" by staying? I think she is a martyr if she stays. Any number of strong women would tell this man, then by all means go and be happy with your soul-mate, good-bye and be well. I vote we take up a collection and send Jennie a CD with "I Will Survive" on it.

lilly's right
I could have almost believed I was watching a Saturday Night Live spoof of a politician "apologizing" for an affair. This delusional man has decided to dig his way out of a hole he jumped head long into.

Those boys need a good solid example of male accountability. Mom needs to file for divorce NOW. My husband knows that if he ever lost his morals and his mind and had an affair he should not even bother coming home. It will be over immediately.

Some day those boys will be old enough to understand that dad chose the other women over being with them in a real family. Odds are the other woman will be a vague painful memory by then. Relationships that begin in adultery don't usually stand the test of time.


Marriage vows
I respect Jenny Sanford for standing by her convictions and being willing to forgive her husband--IF HE REPENTS. She has put the proper and biblical boundaries on this reconciliation. But, with the way he is carrying on, Mark Sanford does not sound repentant at all. Repentance is more than just saying you are sorry. When we repent, we turn away from our sin. We don't mourn over losing it, but rather hate our sin because it displeased God and, in cases such as this, hurt others.

I wouldn't be surprised if we hear in the next few months that they are divorcing. Adultery is one of the two biblical exceptions to the no-divorce rule. Jenny Sanford is under no obligation to stay with an adulterer, especially an unrepentant one. Yes, the marriage vows say "for better or worse," but they also say "forsaking all others." Mark Sanford has broken the covenant that bonded them together. Jenny is being gracious by even giving her husband an opportunity to reconcile.

lilly is right, Jenny Sanford is independently wealthy--her grandmother founded the Skil Corporation in Chicago (they make power tools).
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