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Friday, April 11, 2008
Kathleen Parker :: Townhall.com Columnist
The Drudgery Report
by Kathleen Parker
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WASHINGTON -- Every few years, social scientists update Americans about how unfair life is -- for women, that is -- by comparing the amount of housework men and women do.

The latest, from the University of Michigan, found that though women's housework load has been reduced by about half and men's has doubled since researchers began measuring such things, life is still a drudge for the fairer sex.

The picture, nevertheless, is far from gloomy. In 1976, women averaged 26 hours of housework per week compared to just six hours for men. In 2005, women averaged 17 hours per week and men 13. Not quite equal, but vastly improved.

Yet, the study's findings have been presented and reported as un-glad tidings for women. The university news release carried the headline: "Exactly how much housework does a husband create?"

This much: "Having a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for women. ... For men, the picture is very different: A wife saves men from about an hour of housework a week."

Needless to say, the hell gets hotter for women when children enter the picture. The only good news is for single men and women, both of whom do less housework -- as long as they stay clear of the altar.

In other words, marry, have a family and be miserable. Remain single and childless and be happy. More or less.

Housework studies are interesting the way astrological readings are. They confirm what we feel without surprising us with much we didn't already know.

Such as: two people make bigger messes than one; households with children are monuments to chaos, if we're having fun; and women tend to do more than men when it comes to traditional household duties for un-mysterious reasons.

One obvious, if partial, reason is that habits change gradually over the course of generations. Another explanation is less palatable, especially if one views housework as comparable to following the elephant walk with a shovel. Men and women have different attitudes toward domestic "chores."

I would never say that women enjoy housework more than men do because I have no special affinity for firing squads. But decades of experience suggest that most men don't value the results of housework as much as women do. Could it be their nature?

Let's be clear. Men don't get a pass for being slobs and women shouldn't have to clean up after anyone older than 5. I personally have a special death mask that I wear when the four males with whom I've shared a roof the past 20 years fail to notice that towels are not rugs. One rictal glance their way and tidiness suddenly becomes an irresistible urge.

Even so, they will never meet my standards. If they do, they'll need behavioral therapy and medication.

Exceptions exist, obviously, but studies that seek to quantify household performance as a way of measuring gender equality often miss confounding factors. If men aren't doing what women traditionally have done to the same extent women do, then men are viewed as having failed the goal of an equitable world.

But who decides what is an adequate expenditure of time and energy for a given task?

The University of Michigan researchers asked men and women to keep a housework journal, recording how much time they spent on chores. Wanna bet women are better at this, too? Here's a clue.

Before PDAs, organized people had Day-Timer books. Men had little tiny ones that fit in their pocket. Women carried hefty volumes with subject dividers, calendars and shopping lists.

Who do you think was better at recording housework?

Other research, meanwhile, has confirmed that our attempt to make men and women equally domesticated will likely fail. Steven E. Rhoads, public policy professor at the University of Virginia and author of "Taking Sex Differences Seriously," studied professor couples, figuring they were the most likely to seek perfect equality in the home.

Wrong. Men simply weren't as interested in housework as women were and women "simply like child care more than men," the study's authors concluded.

None of which means we shouldn't try harder to be considerate. In dual-career families, sharing housework is logical, fair and ultimately rewarding. Hint: Foreplay to a woman is watching a man take out the trash.

But some things will never be exactly equal until men and women are exactly the same. When that happens, we will doubtless be tidier -- and living alone.

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About The Author
Kathleen Parker is a syndicated columnist with the Washington Post Writers Group.
 
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Don't forget to factor in
the fact that about 50% of women tend to hook up with irresponsible punks and thugs of their own free will.

Studies
Funny, these studies never seem to take into account such passtimes as fixing the plumbing, repairing the car, mowing the lawn, painting the house, installing appliances, cleaning the car and the outside of the house windows, lugging firewood, removing snow and ice ripping up and installing carpet or other flooring and going to the dump.

Do you think that the studiers want a particular outcome?

Oh, I get it men just don't count.

Here's a study idea for them. How many times is the man portrayed as the incompetent donkey in sitcoms and radio commercials. Should we demand equality?

What About Mowing The Lawn?
If I had to measure how much housework I do vs. what my wife does I would guess I come in around 40%. I make the bed every morning, iron our clothes, do an occasional load of wash, clean the dishes and put them in the dishwasher 2 or 3 times a week and, yes, take out the trash during the week.

I don't mind doing this, but I find it ironic that there is no sharing in the duties of mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, cleaning the garage, trimming the trees, putting up the Christmas lights, cleaning up after the dog, checking the oil in the car, dealing with the mechanic on all auto repairs and the list goes on.

My wife does thank me for doing all of these chores and readily admits that they are 'guy things'. She tells me the trade off is that she is willing to cook all the time. Works for me!

FOWG
I didn't read any posts before I submitted mine and I have to say - your list is awesome! Especially about going to the dump and doing the plumbing. I am quite sure in 30 years of marriage my wife has not been to the dump more than once. And I guess it was in my DNA to know how to change a toilet ring!


All Happy Families Same
Overly simplistic, but a kernel of truth. I've been in good long-term relationships, and in bad. In the good, work -- cleaning, cooking, finance, household maintenance, auto repair, etc. -- has a way of evening out on its own, with very little discussion. Neither of us seems to feel the need to keep track.

But in the bad, score-keeping on chores is usually just another symptom of a larger problem.

I love the way Ms. Parker sums ...
it all up. Which is, if you don't feel like you want to be taken advantage of, live alone.

My wife of 24 years, next Monday, wasn't quite aware of what she got herself into when she married me. Oh, she knew the chaos that always existed in a house frequented by a family with 13 children and 24 grandchildren. But she figured it was that way because of the constant traffic. Unfortunately for her, that was my model, and that was how I lived.

Conversely, my wife was the anal retentive type A person, like Cathy Bates character in the movie "Misery". Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING had a place, and when not in use, in needs to be in its place. Because we love each other, we've found our middle ground, with each of us giving a little. Okay, she's given a lot more than I have, but we're both sure she'll get an extra crown in heaven for that.

Ultimately, I'd have to agee with Mr. Larrytheloungelizard (sorry, couldn't resist). If you're keeping score, there are underlying problems that need to be dealt with.

Keeping Score
I agree, if you are keeping score, something is wrong. In our house, myself and the Mrs. are a team. You get done what you can when you can, and we both have our specific duties. Oh, I do cook.

Oh, I could tell you so many stories....
.....heck, why bother.

Off topic post ....
McCain had the best line on American Idol Gives Back last night.

Paraphrased, he said that American Idol voting was a lot like voting for the president. Except for in Michigan and Florida because, on American Idol, their votes actually count.

Who knew he had a sense of humor?

Parker rocks
Her columns are almost always spot on.

kystalbird, what the heck, ...
let it all out. If it's good, maybe we'll learn something. Shoot even if it's bad we may learn something. And if it's really bad, I'll sit here and say, "Uh huh. I see." scratch some notes on a pad and send you bill for $150. You can feel better about yourself knowing you've been to therapy. What do you say?

An excellent article by Ms Parker
FROG snd Cyclist, excellent comments.

I agree that the value of repairs and maintaince are seldom looked at when you see a study about "domestic values".

My wife and I share many chores, but she will not let me near the laundry. I am the cook.

People who are hung up on keeping score will often lose 1-0.

Wimpy wives
Not to be tooting my own horn here, but I take my own car in for repairs, clean windows inside and out, assemble furniture and other appliances where "assembly required" is on the label. I don't mow grass. (I have to draw the line somewhere) but I do other types of yard work such as planting flowers and weeding the flowers and trimming hedges. My husband and I worked together (He did about 60% to my 40%) painting the outside of our two story house.

One more thing, last summer I laid 400 sq ft of ceramic tile in our kitchen and also prepared the subfloor. I did this ENTIRELY on my own.

My husband does almost no inside housework except take out the trash.

To be fair, I have a job where I sit at a desk eight hours a day and he has a job where he works a minimum of 10 hours on his feet the entire day.

The agenda
Obviously, the agenda here is to disparage the louts who don't lift a finger while the martyr wife does all the household chores and is also (now) expected to put in a full day's work for pay. Fundamentally, though, men's work has been project-oriented (see the posts above) while women's work is maintenance-oriented. As a woman who grew up with no brothers, I learned and tend to prefer the projects for a simple reason: no one ruins it five minutes after I have finished. The sense of satisfaction derived from repainting a room or unclogging a sink is greater than finishing 10 loads of laundry, only to have the hampers begin to fill as soon as you fold the last load. My example to my kids is to consider any chore yours unless you or your spouse agree to monopolize it.

Single parent dad
was my role for 10 years. I know what it takes to maintain a household. I found a good cleaning woman and a once a month visit sufficed to meet my masculine standards for dusting. Not counting cooking, less than an hour/day kept the rugs, oven,frig and bathroom clean. Working on my teeny townhouse lawn was recreation. We only made the beds on Saturday.

been married 23 years
At my house we have a separation of duties. I pretty much take care of the house, cleaning, cooking, laundry. I also take care of our front yard, mowing weeding, edging. My husband takes car of all car issues, the only car maintenance I do is fill up the gas tank. He does repairs around the house (some times with my help if needed) He really does not care about housework or living in a clean and tidy house, I do. This seems to work for us. The really funny things is, if we go to someone house that is really messy, he always notices and makes a comment to me about it.

The other part of the agenda
is that women are better off without men becuase men cause women to work more. The Utopian Lesbian Society.

Projects
"Housekeeping's a snap, if your standards are low enough." A college friend of ours told us that, and it has certainly helped. My standards are, generally, higher than my wife's, and the drill sergeant look and voice, to get them moving when the level of chaos has risen higher than I can tolerate, is not produced by a sex-linked hormone.

There is a flip side to Spudmom's comment, which is that, if a project seems daunting, either because it is really big, or because I have to invent it along the way, housework, mentally and physically much easier, is a good excuse to procrastinate. Considering that mores and customs usually have a function, that may be why men in past times were discouraged from doing "women's work." There strength was needed elsewhere.

Correction
"their strength"

Work Smarter Not Harder
If you're spending a few, or several, hours a day doing housework, you're pi$$ing your life way. Work Smarter not harder.

1. Sit down and make a list of things that really need to be done. Multi-task these chores as much as possible. You should be running the clothes dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner all at the same time.

2. Maybe your house is too big? Got too much junk? Ever think of downsizing?

3. We have the worst backyard lawn in the neighborhood....why spend countless hours and weekends maintaining the lawn until the kids are grown? Enjoy time with the family....there will always be yard work!

Marriage and compatibility
My beautiful bride (of 42 years) and I owned a business together for several years. She was the business manager and I was the technical manager. I and my technical employees produced software to help large companies manage their business.

We had a very successful business and are retired on the rewards of our success.

When discussing our own business she usually ended the discussion by saying "You just don't get it do you?".

I don't know if multi-tasking is a female trait but it sure came in handy to me who had laser like focus.

My oldest daughter inherited my geekness and my youngest daughter is a clone of my wife. When we went to movies my wife and youngest daughter made sure I and the eldest sat in the middle so they could tell us "what the hell was going on."

Oh my gosh,
Don't even get me started. "I don't mind doing this, but I find it ironic that there is no sharing in the duties of mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, cleaning the garage, trimming the trees, putting up the Christmas lights, cleaning up after the dog, checking the oil in the car, dealing with the mechanic on all auto repairs and the list goes on." Well guess who does ALL this plus all the housework, plus works 50 hours a week?? It isn't the "males" in my house. All women's lib did for me was now I get to do it all and am lucky enough to work outside the home also. Driving 70 miles a day to a job that stresses me to the max!! I wish every day that I was a MAN!!

Oh my gosh,
Don't even get me started. "I don't mind doing this, but I find it ironic that there is no sharing in the duties of mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, cleaning the garage, trimming the trees, putting up the Christmas lights, cleaning up after the dog, checking the oil in the car, dealing with the mechanic on all auto repairs and the list goes on." Well guess who does ALL this plus all the housework, plus works 50 hours a week?? It isn't the "males" in my house. All women's lib did for me was now I get to do it all and am lucky enough to work outside the home also. Driving 70 miles a day to a job that stresses me to the max!! I wish every day that I was a MAN!!

goatlockerloungelizard
no particular comment but yours is an intriguing 'handle' and perhaps at some time (at your convenience of course) you could enlighten us in re. the significance.

ttfn

Retired Geek, I love that ...
last paragraph. I can't stop laughing!

Surgical Procedure
Anastasia wrote:
"I wish every day that I was a MAN!!"

My comment: I believe there are a lot of surgeons in this country that will help you make that wish come true!

my 2 cents
My lab Spike and I live alone.

So I do ALL the housework, I pay ALL the bills, I scrimp and save so he can go to daycare at least once a week, I start EVERY day by scratching him on the butt because that's the ONE place he can't reach, I talk to him in such a fashion as to assure that anyone who heard me talking to him would be convinced that I am certifiable, and the result is that he believes, yea verily he KNOWS that the primary reason I have been placed on this planet is to make sure that he is fed, housed, kept amused,and loved.

My reward? A thousandfold love back from him, and it's always fun to watch him roll on his back because when he is doing that there is on his face a look of moronic bliss that you have to see to believe.

my 2 cents is up


have a good day everybody, and that includes those with whom I agree and those with whom I disagree, and

you KNOW who you are

Anastasia, I'm not quite sure ..
how to take your post. Are you bragging, complaining, or just plain sending a warning to future potential brides? If what you say is true, you've been shafted. I don't think any self-respecting man who loves his wife would put her through all that. I'm no prince of a husband, but I don't treat my wife like a Cinderella either. You need to have a good heart-to-heart with the men in your life.

spudmomof6, great post and
tremendous insight. Thanks for sharing!

Uncle Max, there's something special ...
about labs, isn't there? I have a Golden Retriever / Chow mix that, for the most part has the Retriever disposition. Sweet dog and I love him to death. But the lab God blessed us with for 3 years (who had to be put down due to kidney problems), and who was appropriately named Gabe after the angel Gabriel, was a very special animal. Always glad to see you. Always wanted to be whereever you were. Always energetic and playful. And always the sweetest friendliest dog you could know. I've had a few dogs in my day, but none comes close to the love a Labrador.

This is ridiculous
While all sane people agree that everyone should be treated with respect it is well beyond reason to believe that men and women will ever be 'equal'.

No more than a leg will ever be equal with an arm.

We were designed to work together to accomplish what needs to be done. It's really that simple. These types of studies only seek to divide us along gender lines, demean one gender or the other (usually males), and serve no useful purpose whatsoever.

I strongly suggest that any time a story starts with "A recent study ..." that you find something else to read. These studies intend not to inform us but to shape our thinking.

Marriage and Friendship
My wife is my best friend and supporter and I am her best friend and supporter.

No decent human being would stand by and watch their best friend unduly burdened without offering help!!!!

Perhaps, friendship is the key to a sucessful marriage.

I've got it soooo good...
Not only does my wife do more housework than me, she sees nothing wrong with getting outside grabbing the weed-whacker or firing up the lawn mower. She even shovels the snow on occasion. Granted I still reign supreme re: yardwork, but as much as she does inside, she is perfectly justified to never lift a finger outside.

The root problem
First, I must state that my husband and I have been happily married for 37 years. We have 4 children and 4grandchildren (soon to be 6).

I came from a family of 8 children where we were expected to be self-sufficient. He came from a home with 2 children. When we met, his mother was still running his bath and laying out his pajamas whenever he went home for a visit.

As you can imagine, this was quite a culture clash! It took me a while to realize that it wasn't that he couldn't do a household job well, rather it was that his level of "caring" about a job well done that was the problem.

I clearly cared too much and he clearly cared too little. After recognizing the root problem, we were able to address household needs in a reasonable manner.


Frog et al
My eldest daughter and I have brought amusement to the family on more occaisons than not.

I have two Bichon Frise sisters who have totally different personalities. One has the goal in life of being part of our family and the other will allow you to be part of her family.

My two dogs have taught me a lot about influence.

One tries to influence everything - when to go to bed, when to eat, when to play etc. the other wants to join you in whatever you do.

Everyone is different
I do the wash every weekend for our two boys and myself. I will do some of my wifes if she tells me what needs to be cleaned.

My wife is basically a slob, clothes and junk all over the place. I know there are plenty like her. They went away to college and never got it.

I am from a family of 7 children, she had an older brother by 12 years, her mom cleaned up for her.

She cooks some of the meals, I cook some.

I do outside work, she does some inside.

Lifes to short to complain, we both work although she stayed home for a time when the kids were young.

I think a lot of the reports I read about work are BS, men are not all slobs and women don't all do 80 hour work weeks.

I do most of the dish clean-up ever night because who wants to see dirty dishes in the morning.

Ms. Parker: Typical feamle pundit
Wow. TH’s resident female-chauvinist, Ms. Parker, presents another completely biased article perpetuating the “woman as victim” myth. Typical female pundit. Reality:
+A 2002 University of Michigan Institute for Social Research survey found that women do 11 more hours of housework a week than men but men work 14 hours a week more than women. Men work 90% of all overtime work hours. According to the BLS, men’s total time at leisure, sleeping, doing personal care activities, or socializing is a statistically meaningless 1% higher than women’s. The Families and Work Institute in New York City found that fathers now provide three-fourths as much child care as mothers do—50% more than 30 years ago.
+According to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, more than three million workers a year are treated in hospital emergency rooms for occupational injuries—the vast majority of them suffered by men. Nearly 100,000 American workers have died from job-related injuries over the past decade and a half, 95% of them men. Of the 25 most dangerous jobs listed by the U.S. Department of Labor, all of them are between 90 percent and 100 percent male. According to the International Labor Organization, 100,000 Americans die of work-related diseases every year, again overwhelmingly male. Feminists have yet to address this disparity
+ Article completely ignores the dirty,often dangerous, time-consuming, analytic male “project related” work: replace/re-wire dishwasher, move 8 tons of river rock around the pool area, repair sprinkler piping, inspect crawl space, deploy/administer home WLAN, refurbish/overhaul bathroom, install horizontal blinds, residential landscaping etc. Most women have yet to step up the plate & assume their FAIR SHARE of said activities. Go into most neighborhoods & you find the house in the most disrepair is owned by a single female or divorcee.

Why must gender equality ...
...be measured only by housework? The law requires the man to support his wife through his labor (unless he is wealthy); there is no legal requirement for the woman to do any work at all.

So if feminists had their way, the man would work at a job all day long and do all the housework to boot. This would free the women up to travel to places like Red China to attend conferences with Hillary on how to extract even MORE out of men.

The men will in fact have become slaves. Therefore, "feminazis" is a fit description.

It's a genetic thing
Face it, men are, by their genetic makeup, slobs and women are neat-freaks. That's the real reason for marriage.

Actually, in my household, my wife makes more housework for herself because she never puts things where they belong while I'm just the opposite. And we do share the housework. There, I've finally come out of the closet and publicly admitted I do housework.

Demosthenes, some very good points
Add to that when an activity is being recorded by the participants in that activity, results are not what I'd call reliable.

A double blind study is the only one I'd consider reliable.

Evolved
I'm a male. I was raised with 5 sisters and two brothers on a small farm. Myself and my two brothers did all the outdoors work normally associated with a farm and were required to take turns with the house work. In fact, we boys were required to do more house work than the girls and do the dishes every night. House work leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I believe I've come by my hate for house work honestly.

That said, since I've been married (32 years, 3 daughters), our home quickly evolved into this: Everything outside is mine, everything inside is hers. It works. One notable exception. She can't cook. I love to cook and cook every night. I've even taken culinary classes.

What has resulted from all this? I don't plan on it but, when I cook, I use a lot of cookware, utensils, and dishes. So far she doesn't mind.

That's the evolution of a marriage.

Freewill

And let us not forget freewill. The women choose to clean as much as they do.

What about the pleasure factor? For my wife housework is relaxing. I enjoy fixing things, assembling things, etc.

Consider the arrogance of the perpetrators of those studies. They assume the work is drugery. Work is wholesome, healthy, and in this case none of their business. How dare they presume to know better than those involved.

Keeping Score
I wholeheartedly agree with goatlockerloungelizard about not keeping score about these things. My wife and I just kind of evolved into our roles without any discussion fo who was supposed to do what.

My point was that the "other" housework never seems to come up in these studies. I am not complaining about the work I do at home; I am just making an observation that these other things are always left out of the equation.

My wife and I don't keep a running tab on who has done what. We both work and if I arrive home and there is a pile of dishes in the sink I take care of it. She does too.

Demosthenes, while I can ...
sympathize with many of your fact-filled posts that deplore what feminism has done to the US, I think you miss Ms Parkers point. I've read Ms Parker for a few years now and have nearly always found her to fair and accurate in her columns. I've read columns of hers complaining about how boys in schools get short shrift because of too many female teachers and a system of education that caters to the ways girls learn best but not necessarily boys.

Keep posting your statistics and facts, but be careful with the commentary on the columnists. You're off base with Ms Parker.

JD, so what you're telling me ...
is that when you get home, you knock on the front door, then run around the back to see if anyone sneeks out?

What I see
from this column is that a lot of people are adapting and overcoming as the world changes.

That is as it should be.

My wife and I are basically ...
traditional in how we delegate household duties but we're not locked into those roles. Now that the kids have grown and she works outside the home, I try to help more than in the past. Still, her job requires about 32 hrs/wk. Mine is more like 50+. She almost always gets home before me and takes care of much of the household duties so that we can spend more time together when I make it home.

Still, we've found a great trade off. Her hard work around the house usually ends up with her having sore arms, legs, and back. She likes rub downs, and as luck would have it, I love to rub her down ;)!

Housework
Having decided to rear my two boys alone, and having been reared in a family of seven in a smaller space than the three of us lived in -- and having "train up a child in the way that he should go" engraved on the inside of my eyelids by my all-seeing, all-knowing Mama ... everyone learned very young that nobody in the household was paid wages to clean up after anybody else, and that if things were put away after use, they would not be stepped on, kicked under the sofa, or stolen by the cats and would likely be available when the owner had a few minutes to play with them again. Anything on the floor that did not live on the floor when Mama was ready to sweep went into a garbage can with a locking lid and stayed there for a week. Anyone who wanted clean clothes learned quickly that anything not in the laundry hamper when wash day came would not be washed. He also learned that things did not walk into the hamper on their own and Mama would not put them there either.

Today both of them are self-sufficient and now that they are out on their own, if they choose not to clean up their own houses, at least their girl friends know that it's sheer cussedness and not ignorance to blame.

My best friend
and I have been married for fourty-five years this June. Three kids and lots and lots of ups and downs, especially the early years. He has always been the neat one and I have always been the careless one, but somehow, thru the years we have compromised. When he worked and I didn't, I did the housework and helped in the yard. (I much preferred yard work to housework.) Then when I worked and he didn't, I would come home to a cooked meal and clean laundry. Every woman I worked with was jealous! I have it knocked and I know it!

frog
labs RULE

Juanita
Phyllis Schlafly pointed out that for every high-power executive woman there is a blue collar woman, usually with a name like Juanita, cleaning up after her. So having a woman to clean up after you is not strictly the domain of men.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
There is something ugly about valuing the relationship between a husband and wife by an economic reduction.

Ohhhha, BE-holder
That certainly clears up a lot of confusion. I thought beauty was in the eye of the beerholder.

Uncle Max writes: re goatlocker...
The Goat Locker is Navy slang for the Chief Petty Officers quarters aboard ship. Perhaps he's a chief or retired chief????

Bulwark
Thank you. Darn few questions have to be answered by the people who instigate them. This blog has thousands of eyes and brains behind every one (trolls excepted, of course).

2 thoughts on study & 1 on demosthenes
[1] This one was the same that compared married to single women - which were the stats reported on my news station. Shock and surprise that the married ones put longer hours in!! They generally have a bigger place than singles and more people in the household. Not so "common" sense, I guess.
[2] This was (per Mrs. Parker) a self-report study. There are limitations inherent in that style of study.
[3] Demo - I think you need to re-read. The tone of this article matched the tone of most posters here - "oh good grief". Take another shot at it and you probably won't be as disgruntled with her. Just a thought.
Great weekends all around!!

2 thoughts on study & 1 on demosthenes
[1] This one was the same that compared married to single women - which were the stats reported on my news station. Shock and surprise that the married ones put longer hours in!! They generally have a bigger place than singles and more people in the household. Not so "common" sense, I guess.
[2] This was (per Mrs. Parker) a self-report study. There are limitations inherent in that style of study.
[3] Demo - I think you need to re-read. The tone of this article matched the tone of most posters here - "oh good grief". Take another shot at it and you probably won't be as disgruntled with her. Just a thought.
Great weekends all around!!

Simple
It does annoy me when tv shows, commercials, and stand-up comics portray men as dullards, fools, and idiots. We are being mistaken as such, when in actuality we're a simple folk. Not simpletons, mind you, but uncomplicated.

A grunt works for an hour's worth of communication. We want to watch sports, we want to eat, we want to be with a beautiful woman (by our own individual standards of beauty), and not have to apologize for being men.

"You're a good man, sister." Sam Spade to Effie in "The Maltese Falcon".

With all due respect...
bologna.

Men and women's work, as near as I can tell, is divided as they agree to within a family. Maybe 100 years ago women were treated as household help, maybe. Today, I'd have a hard time pointing to anyone of my acquaintance who doesn't agree to the workload.

We raised four kids, who are now in college or recently out, and whom my wife taught at home. My job paid the bills, and when I wasn't working (which includes the days I came home from Japan, spent a day on the soccer field, and went on to Europe), I was the AYSO coach-or-whatever. Today, my wife manages a small farm and cares for her elderly folks, who live with us, and my income still pays the bills. You want me to stop working and do the part obvious as you walk through the home? No problem. My income won't pay the bills, though.

If I can say this without sounding like I am looking for her to be barefoot and pregnant - I don't, I expect her to be part of the team, and she very much is - it takes two to raise a family, and I'm not bitching about my part.

Good Grief!
What an absurdly contrived study! As if only scrubbing the toilet and washing the dishes counts.

We've got a fairly traditional set of roles in our marriage (except that I lay tile and patch plaster while he cares more about dusting -- especially dusting electronics -- than I do). But the cleaning and cooking are far from the only work a household requires.

The garden's mine because I love it. But he does the heavy digging for me.

We trade off on mowing, unless one of the teens does it, because riding around on the mower is actually rather relaxing. But he does the raking and, especially, the leaf blowing -- because I can barely lift the leaf blower.

I don't use the chainsaw either (the wetsaw, however, is mine). I also don't clmb on the roof to clean gutters, crawl through the attic to rewire bad circuits, or spend hours with my nose in the guts of a malfunctioning computer.

I like doing the daily cooking (and he will oblige with something simple if I'm not up to doing dinner for some reason), and he works long hours on our home business to get me the money to buy the food.

I do most of the homeschooling and small-child care (except diapers -- from the time the first child came home the arrangement was that I nursed the baby -- sometimes that was a 24/7 job -- and if he was home he did diapers). He wrestles the bills and checkbook into submission.

I fill out the tax forms. He trims all the weedy parts of the landscaping and tidies the pine straw off the lawn and into the beds (this is NOT a small job when dealing with longleaf pines).

...

Part 2
...

And anything we do together -- including this job of creating a life and a family -- comes out 200% better than either of us could have done on our own. And if one of us is feeling a bit overburdened in any area, that person mentions it and asks for help and gets it. We're dealing with an equal partnership here and that's what partners who are committed to each other and who care about each other do.

Trying to keep score, especially a slanted score that only looks at part of the game, is silly.

My secret
I've been liberated from doing all the housework myself and have learned to be comfortable with mess and sloppiness. My secret to get everyone to clean house is to announce that company is coming. Works everytime. It seems teens and husbands do have a little pride after all.

Great comments from all.
It seems to me this study speaks with a forked tongue. Who did they interview in this study? Only the irresponsible men?

Bullcorn
Kathleen Parker writes:

This much: "Having a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for women..."
------

If I have not caused her 3 times that a week, I have not done my job.

What a bunch of prissy bitchin stupidity.

I can remember when my mom washed clothes in a #2 Washtub, by hand.
No indoor bathroom.
Course my dad had been busting his knuckles all day long working on automobiles, but neither of them bitched about what they each done.
What a spoiled bunch of brats we got today.

Go do the dishes Kathleen, and shut up with the complaining.
If I had a choice of living in your house or a tent in the wilderness,the tent would be a step up.

She works much harder than I
I've been on sick leave and got to see, close up what her week is like. She spends more hours of the day in housework than I do. Her people skills are indispensable. If left to me I'd just pack heat and let that do my talking way too much. :)
The flipside? I put in way, way more hours total when factoring my job AND my housework. Secondly, many of the things I do around the house she cannot do. Either she isn't strong enough or she hasn't bothered to learn. Ask her to find the source of an electrical problem. Might as well ask me to write a dissertation on string theory.
I do certain of "her" house chores when I feel like it or when there is something that has overwhelmed her for the moment.
We've divided the work of living into pretty much ancient partitions.
Summing up, what she puts in time in the house I make up for and then some on the job and in bringing skill sets to housework she hasn't bothered to acquire and strength to jobs she can't do. She knows how to change oil and plugs but would never get the old ones out. Asking her to split a log would be a suicide mission. Clean the gutters? She's terrified of heights. She mows our lawn until it needs gas or the blades sharpened.


bulwark
Thanks for clearing that up.

keeping score denotes a prob
Having lost my best friend,soul mate and oh yes husband of 33 yrs, would give anything to have back my reason for living. I shoveled snow,did yard work and had a job, he made me breakfast in bed just because and put my happiness above his own. But most of all he supported me and I him in becoming the most we could be and viva la diffrence. He made me glad I was a women and I beleive he was glad to be my man. 4 sons later but not one measures up to him. What we did was for each other and what made us different we each gave 100% because that is what one does when you really love someone. Pity that today two no longer become one. Sad and missing him
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