Townhall.com, Where Your Opinion Counts
Talk Radio:   Bill Bennett   Mike Gallagher   Dennis Prager   Michael Medved   Hugh Hewitt   
BREAKING NEWS  LeftArrow - Townhall.com : Conservative, Political, Republican   RightArrow - Townhall.com : Conservative, Political, Republican  
Columns, funnies & more in your inbox!
  • Check the boxes and send us your email address to receveive your free newsletter
  • Your daily must-read of conservative columns, cartoons and news. Coulter, Sowell, Krauthammer and more.
  • Townhall.com’s weekly inside scoop on what’s happening behind the scenes in the world of politics. When news breaks, we report.
  • Signup to receive the latest daily Townhall cartoons
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Kathleen Parker :: Townhall.com Columnist
John Edwards' Death by Bangs
by Kathleen Parker
Vote on It:
Average Vote:
[+] Text [-]
 
Poll
Will the Dems' health care Christmas Present to America be an improvement or detriment to our health care system?


``Il n'y a pas de grand homme pour son valet-de-chambre.'' (No man is a hero to his valet.)
-- Mme. A.M. Bigot de Cornuel

At least he's still got good hair.

Otherwise, it may be over for John Edwards, thanks to a resurrected video of him primping, too lovingly, his hair.

The video, set to the song ``I Feel Pretty,'' has been airing on television, posted on YouTube and circulating on the Internet the past few days with potentially devastating effect for the man unflatteringly referred to as the ``Breck Girl.'' It also illustrates the enormous power of YouTube in politics forevermore.

For a while, it seemed Edwards might shake the Breck brand. Recently, while responding to Ann Coulter's remark referring to him with a word we're not allowed to use, Edwards sported a studiously short-cropped, un-boyish do. His face was so frozen in gravitas that Dick Cheney sent him a bottle of champagne and a joy buzzer.

Now, thanks to the omnipresent and unforgiving YouTube -- and the incessant linkage of Web sites -- John Edwards isn't just associated with hair. He is hair.

He's also a stand-in for Narcissus, mesmerized by his own beauty reflected in the small mirror he holds up to appraise himself. I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and ... oh never mind.

Anyone who has had a photograph taken or appeared on camera understands that primping precedes picture. We've all done it. Combed the hair, worn the makeup, considered the surgery.

But not all of us are running for president of the United States. Didn't Edwards know they were filming? Didn't the doo-wop dude of the Blogosphere know that the Internet crouches in wait for anyone who dares pretend to the throne? The captured moment shows Edwards not just fixing his hair, but taking it very, very seriously. After he sweeps his bangs aside for about the tenth time -- and after the makeup artist has finished muting his shine -- Edwards takes the small powder compact from her for a final review.

Another brush of the bangs. Another. Another. He is not just interested in how he looks. He is riveted, his laser gaze so intense, you wonder: What's he looking for?

Many times lately, I've defended Edwards in private conversations, saying it's not his fault he's so cute. He was born that way. It's not his fault he looks young for his age. Lucky people do. It's not his fault that he's rich. At least it's not un-American, even if his populist ``Two Americas'' message rings a little faux as he builds a 28,000-square-foot monument to Ego. I mean, a house.

But vanity: Whose fault is that? Vanity belongs to one and only one -- the Self. How absorbed does a self need to be to miss the fact that a camera -- that motor-driven, soul-snatching valet to man's vanity -- is watching?

Americans are pretty forgiving of most sins. Gluttony, lust, greed. We forgive them because we're all guilty by degrees. But vanity is of another order, especially -- and perhaps unfairly -- when it comes to men.

Women get a pass for indulging their vanity, mostly because men appreciate the effort and applaud the result.

But we want men to be unaware of their attractiveness. Fairly or not, vanity is deemed unmanly.

Don't look at me. I didn't write the rules. But I do know them. Women don't trust men who spend more time in the bathroom than they do. And men don't trust men who primp.

The YouTube phenomenon has changed forever the nature and tenor of politics. What used to be inadmissible in a civil society is now forever on display. Fair play is obsolete and privacy is a memory. Whether YouTube is the ruin or salvation of democracy remains to be seen, but it's unlikely Edwards will be able to survive the tyranny of his bangs.

Or his lips. The video that couldn't get any worse got worse. At the end of the two-minute segment, Edwards licks his lips several times, moistening them, no doubt, so that he can speak freely. But the effect is disastrously reptilian. When you're running for president, evoking the image of a snake -- that quintessential merchant of vanities and biblical trickster of mortals -- is not helpful.

Symbolically, Edwards has suffered more than a bad hair day.

Share:
Vote on It:
Average Vote:
 
About The Author
Kathleen Parker is a syndicated columnist with the Washington Post Writers Group.
 
TOWNHALL DAILY: Be the first to read Kathleen Parker's column. Sign up today and receive Townhall.com daily lineup delivered each morning to your inbox.
The Man Suffers
...from a lack of testosterone.

It's true that women will not respect a man who takes more time or uses more "product" than we do. Unless he is gay and has impeccable taste.

Manly men have a rugged handsomeness that isn't based on perfection of features, and doesn't depend on the bangs being arranged "just so".

Girly boys are lightweights. And the self-infatuated ones are too self-centered to offer anything meaningful.

Ten hairs out of place doesn't bother real men. One hundred hairs out of place doesn't bother real men. No hair doesn't bother real men. They're too busy tending to more important things.


non issue
the man is TOTALLY irrevelant.
who cares??

John Edwards GONE!
John Edwards is what we sometimes call "an empty suit" in the business world. It means that he has nothing to offer, is stiff and hipocritical.

John Edwards can't even win his own states support for a political role any longer...people have seen through his plastic shell and understand that he doesn't represent anything AMERICANS want for our great country. He's just another liberal that can't see the light through the trees and has that "it;s all good" mentality that will surely hurt our country.

He's better off getting back to his mansions and being that "hit and run lawyer" again - although that's not good for anyone either, except for himself! He's one self-absorbed and selfish individual.

The ambulance chaser is history
First it was the gaffes, then it was his campaign staff of far left wing bloggers, and now it is open public ridicule. He is history and has reached the point where even if the other Demo candidates self-destucted he still would not have a chance. In fact, he has sunk so low now that nobody would want him on the ticket as VP candidate. He should retire to his 28,000 ft2 house that is carbon neutral.

http://www.businessandmedia.org/articles/2007/20070320125451.aspx

Republicans to blame
I blame a Republican, Lauch Faircloth, for the rise of Edwards.

If Faircloth hadn't run such a bad reelection campaign for Senate in 1998, the rest of the country would never have heard of Edwards.

wolfpat
Did Faircloth have bad hair?

In fairness to Lauch
Lauch Faircloth just got caught in a time when the people of NC wanted to see some change in Senate representation. Edwards ran a good campaing here and was able to win back some of the Reagan Democrats in order to win the Senate seat. But we wised up and Edwards knew that a reelection run was a loser, so we are finally rid of him.

And Kathleen is right, I don't trust any man that spends more time in front a mirror than a woman. I like to look good when I go out, but I don't need to stand in front of the mirror for ten minutes admiring my handiwork! Besides which, never trust a MAN with bangs...something just ain't right about a man with bangs!

Vic
LOL!

Yeah, a 28,000 sq ft carbon-neutral house. I guess he forgot to account for the hot air emanating from his oral sewer.

He's toast.

He never had a chance
Even if this guy was any where near competent, he would never have been elected. A huge majority would object to him because he is a lawyer and lawyers in our society are largely despised (for good reason in most cases). The fact that he was an ambulance chaser just makes it that much worse. Other then the entertainment of the whole deal, this guy is and will continue to be irrelevent.

So What
The Democratic field has shrunk a little. We Republicans don't even have a field worth considering.

Edwards is a buffoon
And worse than that, he's a transparent, VAIN buffoon. I hope he stays around for a little longer, just for the laughs and invaluable illustration of hypocrisy. Like Algore, he's the gift who keeps on giving.

As Dorothy Parker once said,
"There's no there, there".

Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL)
Ol' Rod by God shaves his forehead. Does that count? See his commercial (state funded) for putting a gross receipts-revenues tax on Illinois businesses over a certain size (evil big businesses).

When the superficial is profound

Well, you've really hit on it this time, Ms Parker; you've taken a superficial topic and made it profound. The obvious vanity of Mr. Edwards has finally tripped him up and revealed some other "inconvenient truths" about the media and body politic as well. Americans have suffered for decades from the effects of image over substance fostered by the ubiquity of television. It's been virtually impossible for 50 years to get elected to national office unless you look like a matinee idol. Grover Cleveland, FDR certainly, probably Honest Abe, maybe even James Madison (who was short) could never have been elected under the merciless eye of the modern, moving picture camera.

Now what the cathode ray tube giveth, it also taketh away, as YouTube and handheld videos make embarassing moments more difficult to rehearse, reshoot or erase. Maybe this incident can nudge us towards a national consciousness that what's inside a person's head is more important than the picturesque, thatched roof over it.

It might be worthwhile in a future column to examine why the national Democrats, who appear to attract a majority of women's votes, are recently more prone to these embarrassing faux pas with pretty boys. 'Twas not ever thus. The first president elected after women got the vote was Warren Harding, a dimwit whose main attraction was his good looks. It's a topic only a conservative woman can examine credibly, in the same way that only a staunch anti-communist like Nixon could credibly pioneer the opening with China.

I'm in agreement with several of the previous posters who feel that Edwards' career as an ambulance chaser was going to sink him anyway. Tort reform happens to be one of my "litmus issues" so I've never been able to take BlowDry John as more than a bloviating, populist annoyance.

Anyway, kudos for Kathleen and please, keep up the good work!

Repub Obsession w/Dem Prez Candidates
What i find interesting is nearly obssesive fascination and attention being paid to Democratic Presidential Candidates by repubs/cons. Not a day goes by without some
tirade against them from the right wing and its pretty understandable why.

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards
all have something the Republican Presidential lack, namely:

star power, charisma, smarts and name recognition.

Can the same be said of Rudy Guliani, John McCain and Mitt Romney?

I think not.

Mr. or Mrs. Edwards?????
you got PWNED!!!!!!!

Talk about a lightweight...
...Edwards makes Dan Quayle look like Teddy Roosevelt.

LA
Star Power? STAR POWER? Are you serious? Is that what they are teaching you is important in those leftist schools? Or is that what your two mommies said was important in life? Know what I find intersting? Someone named LA that trolls these boards that always has a stupid, uneducated response about everything. Oh, wait, I do know you...when I went to lunch yesterday. This time, make sure you cook my hamburger faster.

Edwards is not just an ambulance chaser
He was knowingly complicit in large-scale tort frauds. Apparently that's OK with those who vote for the Democrats, but being a lip-licking primper is not.

Edwards seems dangerous to me because I perceive that he is a thrall for the moveon.org wing of the Democrat party. I hope that something more substantive takes him down, but I'll settle for this.

What makes this really funny is that Rudy is comfortably masculine enough that he can get away with wearing a dress in public.

Left angle
If Hillary Clinton wasn't maried to Bubba, if Obama wasn't black (some say he's not black enough, whatever that means) and if Edwards wasn't a wealthy ambulance chaser none would be considered for the presidency.
Rudy, on the other hand ran the 4th largest government in the US brilliantly and McCain is a proven war hero. 'Nuf said.

gf,
You make a good point.

The true conservatives (not just someone who is conservative by East coast standards) don't have enough name recognition to make a strong run.

Conservative bloggers will have to do what the newspapers will not do for free, and what the candidates themselves can't afford to buy for themselves. They need to help us all dig a little deeper into the talent pool to look at more potential candidates. We need to find the man who will take up Reagan's torch.


OK
After the way they reamed Ann Coulter, I gather it's no longer acceptable to call Edwards "Breck Girl".

However, can I still refer to Mr. Congeniality of 2004 as "Silky Pony"?

There's an old saying that hair and brains don't grow on the same head. I have an officially-measured IQ of 182 on Stanford Binet', and approximately Yul Brynner's coiffure'.

What does that tell you about Edwards, hmmmm?


cheers

eon

rickster also makes a valid point
"Talk about a lightweight...Edwards makes Dan Quayle look like Teddy Roosevelt."

---> I'm going to file this in the category of "true but not relevant." Edwards also makes any Cicero city councilman look like a small town player. And he makes my neighbor's kid look like some teenager who just cuts my lawn!

Dan Quayle isn't running. It's like you bragging that your school varsity team can beat the guys from my school's gym class.

Now just to be annoying I'll point out that when Quayle DID run he was on a winning ticket.

Silly reason with so many good ones
Sad if true. Not because I like Edwards, but because it's such a silly reason.

There are far, far better reasons to not support Edwards, who profited with lies about damaged babies (he almost always refused to represent dead ones, since there's less money in it for him. He has also tried to divide America on economic lines. He belongs in Victorian England not 21st century U.S..

Kozisms: Star Power= Recogniton..
Are you not the idiot that said yesterday that
anyone who disagrees with Prez Bush on Iraq is
a treasonous traitor? I've read your right wing extremist sqawks in here and believe me, you are not the brightest bulb in the box, more brainwashed than anything else and prone to robotically repeat rnc approved talking ponts..you are not to be taken seriously lmao

Star Power= instant recognition and the ability to draw in large crowds of supporters/money based of off of name alone, idiot.

ALL of the democratic candidates mentioned have that quality...name one of the repub con contenders that has the same ability...
I think you will have a hard time doing it..lol

Edwards
Edwards was always irrelevant, but he sure is fun to make fun of. Like Kerry, he's just too easy! I love Rush's parody of him. Sing with me now..."I am woman hear me roar in houses too big to ignore...." LOL!

Does This Even Make Sense?
Read over the posts on this thread. 1) "Edwards lacks testosterone"---improbable, since he has fathered five children and been married (to one woman) all his life. 2) "Ann Coulter was probably right"---what, that Edwards is a homosexual? Coulter herself said she used the term f* as a "schoolyard taunt" and acknowledged that Edwards is a seasoned husband and father. 3) "He is an empty suit" Really? Edwards was born lower middle-class and made it to law school and beyond, becoming a multi-millionaire through his own efforts---his money wasn't inherited---I've always understood economic prowess to be a mark of manhood in our society. And the last I heard, personal injury law wasn't illegal or immoral. How many smart-guy posters to townhall have created a personal fortune in the millions from their own work?

On another thread I saw the post that "Edwards looks like he could not handle himself in a barroom fight". Jesus Christ, is that the criterion now for being a competent political leader?

I'm not sure what the point is of ridiculing Edwards. Do you think you can get rid of all the Democratic candidates, one by one, by making fun of them and/or smearing them and then everybody will have to vote for a Republican? This is ridiculous. We are a two-party nation. Get over that. Somebody caught a picture of Edwards combing his hair and it's been turned into folklore that he is effeminate. Suppose somebody catches a picture of John McCain coming out of the men's room---should we spread the story that he goes there to troll for little boys?

Perspective
Slow news day in Washington politics today? Yeah, not much newsworthy -- why not feature a hatchet-job fluff piece on the homepage.

If the goal is keeping the neocon masses ignorant, you're doing a heck of a job.

soothsayer
Since we have such a slow news day going on, maybe you can take time out of your obviously busy schedule and define for me just what exactly the hell a "neocon" is. I of coarse answer that term with my description of you libs, and my term for you is commielib. Now if you want I will take the time to define for you just exactly what and whom a commielib is. Will you please extend the same courtesy to me, and define the term that you lefties like to toss around?

Star Power??
Is that what the left thinks makes a good president? Star Power?? Wow, you guys are worse off than I thought.

Substance and Martial ability
I haven't seen the aforementioned video clip and don't intend to watch it. Ms. Parker had Edwards pegged many moons ago; in this column she pulled no punches. I believe we just read her first impressions of Edwards--whenever that was.
No need to shed tears for Edwards because he has more company than he can fit in his new house and Al Gore's combined. Obama has less substance than Edwards. Romney is a half step ahead of them. Hillary's illusory 'substance' is simply narcissistic rage and a few legitimate scars incurred via Bill's infidelities.
The Republican candidates have a different set of problems but they have a handful with the ruggedness we yearn for in a President----we've virtually abandoned hope that a stateman will appear. McCain and Hagel are men of substance even if one doesn't like their positions (though Kerry spent time in Viet Nam you wouldn't suspect it. Kerry's endless yapping about it belied his ruggedlessness) Fred Thompson has stature and at least seems formidiable. There is more masculine energy in any one of these three guys than all the Demoncratic candidates combined.
Someone mocked the idea that the ability to handle oneself in a bar room brawl would be a silly litmus test for would be Presidents. Well, it matters to me if a man posesses the temperament and skill to effectively dispose of the punks preying on old ladies, organized crime thugs, and special ops men who have joined the dark side. Putin has moved beyond 'having a black belt in judo' and it shows. Within the Chinese leadership, there are a few seasoned martial artists.
Martial awareness and profiency in the fundamentals of the martial arts ought to be a requirement to lead a country. As the naive mock this assertion, others recognize that a world leader must be an expert in strategy and tactics; martial arts training (not American Karate) is the best way to cultivate these essentials. People remember Jack Nickolson's character swatting Tom Cruise's character in the movie-????- saying "Truth, you can't handle the truth...".
The world is a rough and dangerous place. We must have men fully prepared to enter the 'priesthood' of 'warriors' who walk the path with a heart. The USA has suffered from a scarcity of warriors involved in running this country. China runs roughshod over us. Our leaders fear China. Our politicians fear AIPAC and multinational corporations. Our lack of strategic thought and action has precipitated a frightening level of hatred of the USA around the globe.
Hagel will emerge from the pack along with Fred Thompson. If they are smart, they will bring Biden aboard for the ride. For all his faults, Biden has achieved a hard won understanding of foreign policy. He doesn't have martial experience though he has an intellectual grasp of the principles.
I believe Hagel, Thompson, McCain, Biden, and a few carefully selected team will lead the country beginning 1.2009. Let the rest of them call each other names, whine and pout, primp and preen. Let there be no mistake. The kind of man required to run this country has survived hell. He is as wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove.

The damage is done
I agree that Edwards is no longer relevant.

It's too bad he didn't become this inconsequential until after he contributed way more than his share to the current high cost of health care.

Edwards got rich by suing health care providers. His specialty was birth defects cases. He used to "channel" the unborn in his closing arguments, presuming to speak for the unborn fetus (an interesting argument coming from a "pro-choicer" who justifies abortion by claiming these same fetuses aren't even human yet). He would tell the juries in these cases how the unborn fetuses were begging to be "let out" via caesarian section, but the dumb doctors proceeded with natural childbirth anyway (apparently the doctors hadn't been to the seance).

Edwards convinced numerous juries to award hundreds of millions of dollars to his clients on the (phony) premise that if the doctors in these cases had performed c-sections the child would have been born healthy.

As a result of Edwards' work 26% of all births in this country are now c-sections. Numerous areas of the country (including the entire state of Mississippi) don't have enough pediatricians and hospitals willing and able to handle maternity cases. Oh, one more thing. The incidence of the birth defects for which Edwards sued so many hasn't been reduced a bit by following his medical advice, jammed down the provider's throats by the force of civil law.

soothsayer, or any other lib out there
Please, I really want to know what your definition of a "neocon" is. I don't care if you call me one, I just like clear definitions.

Edwards
Ok, so John Edwards has testosterone. So does Michael Jackson (I think). Doesn't mean he's someone I see as a 'real' man.

So he worked his way up from middle class to an upper class ambulance chaser. He 'channeled' a dead child..uhhh.. fetus in order to get millions in one of counless highly questionable lawsuits. Because of smarmy lawyers like him, the cost of everything in America is thousands of dollars a year per family higher than it should be.

Sure. Ann Coulter's word went too far. I'll call him a girly man. A Metrosexual. Someone who's watched a few too many episodes of 'Qu*er Eye for the Straight Guy'. And, like most politicians, espeically leftists, a hypocrite.

C'mon, anybody?
I am asking pretty, pretty please, with a whipped-cream-covered cherry on top, somebody, PLEASE, explain to me in their own words or even with a prewrote definition, what is a neocon?


right_wing2
thanks man.

ok, I think I understand
The whole concept of a "neocon" is predicated on the fact that there are jews who don't like liberalism, as any freedom-loving person would not, and these people have been singled out by the LEFT. And because the term "neonazi" is such a villivied term (and rightfully so), the term "neocon" is a Leftist invention created for the sole purpose of criminalizing any conservative thought, by labling it as "neo" whatever, and concluding that it is both wrong and Un-American. And many Jews, for whatever reason, pander to this because they do not want to be seen as anti-american, specifically because thier loved ones have known oppression. If any of you Libs disagree with this, please do so soon.

Parting shot
I am proud to call myself a conservative. If you want to call me a neocon go right ahead. I do not care because you people will redefine that term every damn day to suit your interests. I was just hoping to give you people a chance to explain yourselves before you get pisst when I call you a "commielib", which of coarse, will happen in the future. I can define the term "commielib", any time anybody would like, but that is just because I believe a fair playing field is important, even if you do not.

Edwards Candidacy
I never thought Edwards was a serious candidate anyway. I can't figure out exactly what his motivation for running is. At any rate, I still think that endowing a video depicting a few moments in a person's life with the power to end that person's political career is detrimental to the political process.

W picking his nose
Look at the video posted above of Edwards combing his hair - Then watch this one of W picking his nose in public.

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/960813

They kind of sum up the differences between Liberals and Conservatives.

To Handy
I have no doubt that you pick your nose in public and that it makes you feel like a real man - and a pround conservative. Is that how you got your nickname? You sound like the perfect date for Ann Coulter. And of course that is Bush in the video - during his Texas Rangers days. It was filmed while he was in the owners box. At least we don't have to worry about him having his finger on the nuclear button.

HankReardon
I just wanted to let you know that was a great breakdown of Neonazi. Keep up the good work!

Sorry
But this "combing the hair" thing doesn't have legs. Wishing it would won't make it so. Guiliani's family troubles, Romney's religion, and spats between Obamam and Clinton are far more visible and far more talked about.

John-John Jr.
Yes, John Edwards is just too cute for words. The fact that his wife, whose breast cancer has spread to inoperable bone cancer, is going to be up front and visible in his campaign is just more of his ambulance chasing, personal injury lawyer ways: go for the sympathy vote. Blind the jury with emotion not facts. Now that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, I feel differently about him dragging his wife around the country on a campaign that is only being run to cater to his immense ego. I kept asking when he ran the first time, what makes this man think he is fit to be the leader of the free world? Some PI cases, a lot of money, cute looks, and a half term as a senator? Hell, he didn't pay his taxes on his vacation home on time or vote in the school board elections when he was a civilian. Some committment to politics and his civic duty. As someone living in NC, I feel entitled to dump all over him. I love sending that YouTube video to everyone I know. It says all you need to know about Breck Girl. And the Raleigh paper ran an aerial photo of the 28,000 square ft house in the paper: it's amazing overkill. When his wife dies, he'll be rattling around in there like a pea ina gourd. He won't even be able to find his children. Maybe they'll be hunkered down on the private raquetball court that his wife said he built for her to work on her weight problem. If you've seen a picture of her lately, it looks like the cancer is taking care of that.
As for Left Angle's comment:
star power, charisma, smarts and name recognition.
Gee, I don't see poliical experience, statesmanship, guts, and judgment anywhere in there. You commielibs are a sorry bunch. And you don't even know it.
Sign Up to Post Your CommentsSign Up to Post Your Comments
If you are already registered, click here to login. Otherwise, please take a few seconds to register with Townhall.com. Once you sign up, you’ll be able to post your comments immediately, use the action center, get podcasts, and more!
Note: Fields marked with a red asterisk (*) are required.
Salutation:
First Name:
*
Last Name:
*
Email:
*
Nickname:
*
Note: Nick name will be shown when you post comments.
Address 1:
*
Address 2:
City:
*
State:
*
Zip:
*
Phone:
      
Your daily must-read of conservative columns, cartoons and news. Coulter, Sowell, Krauthammer and more.
(Bi-Weekly) We highlight the best opportunities from our partners for surveys, action items and more.