Moron offset: Take the tuition money Jackson had pledged last year to "Stripper No. 1" of Duke lacrosse infamy and use it instead to buy college students across the nation their own copies of Thomas Sowell's Basic Economics.

On ABC's "The View," Rosie O'Donnell greeted news of Khalid Sheik Mohammed's confessions with anger and disbelief, railing that the terrorist mastermind and tank-top undershirt model had been tortured into confessing "in secret CIA torture prisons in Guantanamo Bay, where torture is accepted and allowed."

Moron offset: Pay to set up a continuous looping feed of "The View" to Gitmo to subject detainees to a particularly cruel brand of actual torture, but one O'Donnell wouldn't object to, given that she's spent a lifetime building up a strong resistance to the pain of hearing her ill-considered tirades.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said that Hurricane Katrina was actually a racial-diaspora plot to change the city politically. "Ladies and gentlemen, what happened in New Orleans could happen anywhere," Nagin told the National Newspaper Publishers Association. "They are studying this model of natural disasters, dispersing the community and changing the electoral process in that community."

Clearly there could be no climate redress for such paranoia without moron offsets, such as what could be offered to Nagin: paying for dry owner's manuals for the owners of all the plasma TVs looted in the wake of Katrina.

In short, moron offsets offer a promising and immediate response to airwave pollution. Finally — a way for leftists flying off the handle to achieve "moron neutrality." Thanks, Al Gore!