A classic Monty Python skit about a woman ordering breakfast at a restaurant was performed by Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.) just before the Senate unanimously passed a bill designed to crack down on Internet spam.

"She wanted to order a Spam-free breakfast at a restaurant," Leahy began. "Try as she might, she cannot get the waitress to bring her the meal she wants. Every dish in the restaurant comes with Spam; it is just a matter of how much. There is eggs, bacon and Spam; eggs, bacon, sausage and Spam; Spam, bacon, sausage and Spam; Spam, egg, Spam, Spam, bacon and Spam; Spam, sausage, Spam, Spam, Spam, bacon, Spam, tomato and Spam, and so on."

Leahy wasn't trying to be funny. In fact, because of the large quantity of pornographic spam, the senator now logs onto the computer for his grandson, cleans out the egregious material, and only then will let loose of the mouse.

"It is something he could do himself, but we don't let him log on himself because of the problems with some sites that appear to be for children, and are anything but," Leahy notes. "So I log on for him, and he climbs up on my lap, takes the mouse out of my hand and says, 'I better take over now because it gets very complicated.'"

MORALE SWING

A popular green-camouflage button reads: "Support the military, vote Republican in 2004."

Yet on the flip side, one wonders now if armed forces stationed in Iraq could be the next swing voters.

Some pundits say yes - President Bush will certainly lose military support at the polls - while the White House maintains military morale overall remains high to finish the Iraqi mission.

Meanwhile, a panel discussion to be held Nov. 5, sponsored in part by the New America Foundation, will address whether the Republican Party as a whole could lose the military vote in 2004.

Given the significance of military votes during the 2000 presidential election, the 107th Congress directed the Pentagon to ensure that absentee military ballots are processed quickly come 2004.

NEW ADAGE

Ironically, the same day the Bush administration announced a record $374.2 billion deficit for fiscal 2003, the House went on a 24-hour spending spree - authorizing $3.6 billion in spending.

Worse yet, taxpayers got stuck with the bill by voice vote, meaning members never voted on record.

Instead of the old adage "another day, another dollar," Rep. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) provides an updated version: "Another day, another $3.6 billion."

GLASS HOUSES

There is a "continual drumbeat" among Democratic presidential candidates in particular regarding the "faulty intelligence" that President Bush relied upon before marching into Baghdad.

But Sen. Robert F. Bennett (R-Utah) says anybody asking the question, "How could the president have been so stupid?" should be reminded that intelligence "is never hard and fast. It is always an estimate. It is also a guess. And it is often wrong."

He recalls traveling with a U.S. delegation to China after U.S. troops under the command of Gen. Wesley Clark, now a presidential candidate critical of Bush and his war in Iraq, mistakenly bombed the Chinese Embassy in Serbia.

"We said: 'It was a mistake. It was an error.' And the Chinese ambassador, with whom we were talking at the time, said: 'You have the best intelligence in the world. You must have known that was the Chinese Embassy. ... You did that deliberately.' "

Bennett said Congress later investigated the bombing, and "we found the reason that happened is because General Wesley Clark, the commander of NATO, was demanding targets: 'I need more targets. I'm running out of targets.'

"And under the pressure of those demands from that commanding general, the CIA came up with targets, and they came up with an old target with bad information, under the pressure from a commander who was anxious to keep bombing even though he had run out of legitimate targets."

WHO NEEDS FOOD?

Ever question what some eligible Americans are buying with their taxpayer-funded food stamps? Suffice it to say, it's not spinach. According to General Accounting Office Report 01-749, between 1999 and 2002 the food-stamp program spent $5.13 billion in "improper" payments. Continued...