"I love (the North American Union theory) because if you ever doubt your own sanity, all you have to do is read this stuff and realize that you're okay." -- Charles Krauthammer

"You lay out a conspiracy and then force some people to try to prove it doesn't exist. That's just the way some people operate." -- George Bush on the North American Union

"But aside from the chilling prospect of a ‘Monster Highway’ (Why is a new road in Texas supposed to be so scary?) there’s no reason at all to believe in the ludicrous, childish, ill-informed, manipulative, brain dead fantasies about a North American Union." -- Michael Medved

Other than the 9/11 conspiracy theory, the most popular conspiracy theory these days seems to be the North American Union. Go to Google and you'll find more than a million hits on the words "North American Union." Prominent conservative online magazines regularly run columns by people who believe in this conspiracy theory. Getting emails that reference it? It's almost an every day thing...even though the odds of the NAU coming to pass are slightly less likely than a Dennis Kucinich/Rosie O'Donnell ticket winning every state in 2008.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to logically prove to people who buy into the NAU (Try to stifle a giggle here) that George Bush isn't going to merge the United States, Canada, and Mexico together to form one giant nation -- because there's no logic, consistency, or reasoning behind the theory. It's nothing more than the worst sort of black helicopter paranoia combined with naked ignorance about how our government works -- promoted by con men, nuts, and ignoramuses who think they'll increase traffic to their websites, raise money, or sell more books by convincing people that the North American Union is actually going to happen.

But, rather than just hurl more invective at the NAU wackos, let me give you a general rundown of the nuts and bolts of the theory (with heavy emphasis on the nuts).

If you buy into the North American Union conspiracy theory, you probably believe that:

* A think tank called the Council on Foreign Relations put out a report called "Building A North American Community." This was the blueprint for the North American Union.

* Additionally, a professor named Robert Pastor has supplied the intellectual firepower behind the NAU.

* George Bush formed the Security and Prosperity Partnership based on the report put out by the Council on Foreign Relations. It’s working to merge the US, Canada, and Mexico, to use NASCO to build a massive highway that runs from Canada to Mexico, and to replace the dollar with the amero. Bush's plan will come to fruition before he leaves office or alternately in 2010 (I know, that makes no sense, but just ignore it for the moment). Once that happens, you might as well learn Spanish and start to love ice skating because we'll all be taking orders from our new Canadian and Spanish masters!

Now, you may be thinking that this whole theory is a little foggy and short on specifics -- and you'd be right. It's sort of like handing someone some cake mix, a frying pan, and 4 pine cones -- and then saying you expect them to make clam chowder out of it in 30 minutes, but people are buying into the NAU by the thousands, so let's just take the theory as we find it.

* First of all, a Council on Foreign Relations task force did indeed put out a report called "Building A North American Community." However, the Council on Foreign Relations is not a government entity (nor do they even take stands on particular foreign policy issues as a group) and more importantly, if you read the report in question, you'll find that it doesn't call for a North American Union.

* Robert Pastor, whom I've previously spoken to on the phone about the NAU, is not a government employee, nor is he advising the Bush administration on this issue. Moreover, not only did he refer to the NAU as a conspiracy theory in our conversation, he has publicly said this, Continued...