Hey, “all wise” college presidents and other admin wizards: Until you allow guns—real guns, guns that go bang and kill bad guys—you (to make it personal), your faculty and the students you’re responsible for will continue to be sitting ducks, potential fleshy sponges to soak up the hot lead from some pathetic loser’s happy trigger finger. The gun free stuff ain’t working.

I know what you’re thinking: “It’ll never happen at my school.” That’s probably the same smack the chiefs at the 45 schools and universities since ‘96 thought right before their students were perforated by bullets flying anywhere between 1200 – 2800 feet per second.

Now I’ll be the first to admit, I am not nearly as astute as the suits that head up our nation’s bastions of higher edumication, but as a simple man, I’m smart enough to know that you should never bring a knife to a gun fight, and if the mass murderers are using guns, maybe, just maybe, you guys ought to get one—or ten.

Listen, Dr. Numbnuts, all the talk you guys have been doing about proper precautions on campus, all the extra fat security cops you’ve recently employed with faster golf carts, shinier badges and long range pepper spray are no threat to a perp with a gun and the attitude to use it. A chunky butt security guard with a plastic dollar store badge and a 6-year-old can of mace on a golf cart is no help when the hellion shows up in your auditorium with a 12 gauge and three handguns.

Yes, if your foe has a gun, then he has a solid and deadly advantage, and the cops can’t get there fast enough to do much about it.

Yes sir/madam, when this type of stuff hits the fan your campus must have deadly force on the spot to counter deadly force. Duh. That is unless, of course, you’re cool with our kids being killed. I, However, am not. And as a parent of a college student I will go so far as to buy my daughter’s entire campus pistols for the guards, trained profs, and legal students if they will finally do the math and realize that putting guns in the hands of trained good guys is the only way to daunt murderous goons.