What’s the plan, man of God, when some Son of Sam commanded on high by his English-speaking black Labrador enters your comfy Community Church with his 9mm with ten loaded clips?

What are you going to do? Pray? Run? Cower behind the pulpit or under a pew waiting for the cops while the dillweed empties his clip into your crowd? If New Life Church would have done that, Murray, armed with multiple guns and a thousand rounds of ammo, would have made Virginia Tech and Columbine look like a walk in the park.

This is the ultimate What Would Jesus Do query, eh?

I think if Jesus were placed in a similar situation as the New Life Church security guard, he would whip out his Glock and double tap the center mass of any wannabe killer who was attempting to put a bullet in one of his defenseless disciples.

I know that doesn’t fit with your bearded lady, soft focused, Precious Moments figurine version of Jesus that you’ve been worshipping for the last twenty years, but it does square with the Christ of my Bible. (By the way: I read The Redneck Common Sense, Good People Live, Bad People Die version of the Bible. It’s printed in Texas, and you can get a copy at www.You’dBetterWakeTheHellUp.com).

Look, pastor, let me help you out: The job of the shepherd is to serve and protect sheep, and in this permissive, paranormal and “progressive” postmodern milieu that means not only with TLC and sound doctrine but with several semi-autos and some Cor-Bon hollow points. I know it’s not a pleasant thought, and they didn’t tell you this stuff in seminary, but this is the world we live in, and this is the hand we’ve been dealt, so . . . play it like a poker champ. Be relevant.

If you or your church do not know where to begin or would like some advice on how to protect the few or many people in your pastorate, go to www.ChurchSecurityServices.com and have them help you assess your situation and get appropriately armed to the teeth.

Lastly, obviously, I’m thinking as good Christians we should send a message to all the evil Matthew Murrays out there that we are here to help them and will walk them through whatever funky stuff they’re having to field.

However, if you, the struggling and confused guy with guns, won’t let go of your demons, know this: We are watching you, we are prepared for you, and we will have no problem whatsoever dropping you in your tracks as soon as you draw your weapon on innocent people. Yes, the wages of sin is death, and we’re now here to inflict it if you force our hand.

Amen.