Seriously, I experience physical pain when I see her. Yep, when she queues up and starts her soulless, monotonous monologues about how she wants to trash our nation like Mickey Rourke is doing his liver, I get that same feeling that I had the other day after I ate that last bean burrito that had been under a heat lamp for 37 hours at the Chevron gas station.

My aversion to Hillary has even made me sympathetic to Bill. I guarantee Bill’s ability to empathize with the oppressed and feel other’s pain stems from living within the bellowing crucible of being betrothed to Hillary and thus a forty year receptor of the blunt end of her pool cue. He probably wants her to become President so she will just shut up and become real busy so he can get a fresh crack at some DC interns, baby.

Having said that, I really don’t want to see Bill again unless it’s at an anti-Hillary rally after he’s been freshly divorced from Rodham, he and Monica have gotten back together, and he’s smoking a big fat stogie down here on Lincoln Road.

Now, speaking as a man who lives in the God blessed testosterone fog, let me help you marketing clods out on the Left: If you want the nation to buy what you’re selling you have to get rid of the mean old madam brigade. Your lasses are not only woefully wrong from a policy standpoint, but they are all so very Rosie O’Donnellish.

None of my liberal male friends down here in Miami are even remotely excited about voting for Hillary and having her shrill backside wielding a whiny scepter over the United States. If they wanted that they’d go home to their yarbling liberal wives.

Look, I understand you liberals’ supposed need for change . . . to get a woman in the office and yada yada . . . but you guys have gotta try to work with us. Throw us a bone. The first Clinton movie sucked, and no one wants a sequel. Especially if Hillary’s the lead actor.

And by the way, since you don’t have a Thatcher or a Rice amongst you to put forth, how about a liberal woman who’s pretty and nice who won’t kill your cat if she doesn’t happen to like you?