When it comes to unleashing humorous and scathing vocal invectives, Jesus was King of Kings. Yes, the Prince of Peace punk’d people like no other could. Would He have used the word “faggot” in one of His verbal chainsaw massacres upon the political and ecclesiastical morons of His day? Absolutely … not.

No, Christ would not have called some soulless, Aqua Net addicted, duplicitous politician who hires anti-Christ, homely bloggers a fag. That would needlessly offend the homosexual community by comparing them to a skanky politician. Having said that, I have no doubt Christ would have cranked out a cut down on a first century Edwardsian equivalent that would have sawn the boy down to the ground—Dorothy Hamill hair cut and all.

Many don’t see this side of Christ because they’re biblically illiterate. Being dee-tee-dee, they get their cue regarding “what Jesus would do” via the brand spankin’ new, pretty and PCified, 21st century Christ they have created just for their squishy flesh.

We all know this new Jesus. He’s the positive motivation speaker/Savior who says, “howdy doo,” has Mitt Romney-like eternal hair, loves kittens and grins so much his gums are drier than Gandhi’s sandals. In addition, our new Hey-Suess would never say anything to offend anyone; or if he did, it would be about “they and them” but not “you and you.”

If you take the scripture straight (as I do my Johnny Blue) and you get no help from some PC slathered priest and you simply read the Gospels (imagine that!), you will see that our loving, compassionate life giving Savior also skewered His opponents, His friends and a of lot supposed “earnest” seekers like Wolfgang Puck would a small pig.

If you’re a conservative who purports to be a Christian, then you’re to get your behavioral and communication cues from Christ—not some Politician (past or present). And FYI . . . the Lamb of God was no Lamb Chop in word or deed.

Not only did Jesus perform some outrageous and scandalous acts of compassion, but also as stated, He was a verbally vicious warrior when necessary. He wasn’t some squeegee cleaned, wind testing cliché weaver of fuzzy phrases. He said stuff that made people want to kill Him, and y’know . . . if I remember the story correctly, I think they eventually did.

Sweet baby Jesus grew up into a rowdy man who personally attacked people, both in their presence and absence, and being the fun loving Savior that He is, He did His dissecting primarily via exaggeration and caricature. As a matter of fact, His shtick (if the Trinity doesn’t mind me calling it “a shtick,” which they don’t because I’m one of Their favorites), was one of outrageous exaggerations.

As Douglas Wilson points out, in his brilliant book, A Serrated Edge, in regards to communication, Jesus . . .

1. Roamed from mild Horatian irony to His preferred Agent Orange approach.

2. Portrayed incongruities in a blistering humorous light, and it wasn’t because He was a funny man. He was using humor (remember humor?) as a polemical weapon.

3. Applied offensive humor for necessary controversy. His illustrations and attacks were for the express purpose of getting the party started. Things were oh, so boring back then and someone had to shatter a beer mug or two.

4. Didn’t weep all the time when He saw sin and hypocrisy. As a matter of fact, He didn’t weep near as much as many sniveling non-prophets today do. Christ’s usual m.o. was a) whip the culprits or b) ridicule the crap out of them. Make them cartoon boys. Jesus, as Wilson points out, understood that kindness to wolves is hostility to sheep.

5. Made fun of how insincere people prayed and fasted. You wouldn’t fall asleep at His CPAC speech.

6. He used ethnic humor to prove His point. Try that today.

7. Called one nice lady a dog. A dog! A self cleaning, butt sniffing, vomit eating, flea riddled dog. (Snap!)

8. Didn’t engage in smarmy, pipe smoking, “your turn/my turn” arguments most of the time. He simply let fly and then left the room not seeking any extended dialogue with dilatory dimwits.

9. Shotgun blasted those insufferable critics that are never satisfied.

10. Ripped into the Pharisees in the book of Matthew chapter 23, his magnum opus that makes Ann Coulter look like a kitty.

All of the above is from the one whom so love the world that He laid down His life for them.

And don’t even get me started on the words the prophets and apostles used to whittle down the wusses of their day. They popped off with analogies, especially the prophets, not unlike those with which a stevedore would serve up. Most pastors and politicos wouldn’t even touch these passages in public. But men inspired of God did, and they rocked the house. I wonder if you and I could roll with these boys. Selah.

Let me ask the Ann pooh-poohers on the Right a question: What exactly is one allowed to say or not say? Can I say pooh-pooh? What words are verboten? What about phrases? Analogies? What about body parts? Hair? Pot bellies? Tones? Can we have a tone when we talk? Can we roll our eyes? Snicker? Yawn? Can we cough, “bull$#@&” when we hear something ridiculous? Can the British still call a cigarette a fag?

Please, help us endangered brutish beasts of the baser sort to understand the Nancy world of civility that some are sweetly rollerblading into. Also, for clarification, which pundit[s], blogger[s] or radio show host[s] now determines what’s cool and what’s not cool? Will it be a group thing or do you have one Dandy you’re looking to?

I think all the stink that’s been made on the Right regarding Coulter’s joke is simply envious folks trying to get their slice of the Ann power pie. Of course, they’ll never confess that, because envy is the one sin people never like or admit they have.

What is Envy? Envy is, as Thomas Aquinas said, “sorrow at another’s good.” Someone who is centered can watch another person righteously prosper and not hate him or her for it.

Not so with the envious. When the me-monkey sees someone else excel, they are slapped in the face with the reality that they’re getting dogged. Instead of sucking it up and working harder and smarter, they allow their pride to fuel their wounded wittle spirit. This sets the dejected one down a path of disparagement of the prosperous that eventually morphs into the desire to destroy the person who is trumping them.

Look, the way I judge my co-belligerents in the conservative cause is this: can they, in an enlightened and entertaining way, wreak havoc upon the secularists that are attempting to hijack this God blessed nation? I don’t care whether or not they’re my style or if I agree with all that they do. If I’m in a bar fight and I’m getting my butt handed to me, I’m not looking for perfection; I’m looking for a fellow warrior who can cave in the skull of my enemy. And that’s what Ann does. She decimates the Left . . . and for that, I salute her.

So . . . has anybody seen any good movies lately?

* Logon to www.ClashRadio.com and check out Giles’ new video: GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED ON AL GORE’S CHUNKY THIGHS. Also check out his interview with Eric Metaxas, author of the book, now movie, Amazing Grace.