Being semi-“out there” in the public eye via my Townhall.com column, ‘net presence, ministry, a little TV and my radio show, I get to hear from a lot of people. One thing I hear constantly from single girls is their dating and marital horror stories. I hear comments like, “Guys are jackasses, jerks, scum, sleaze bags, dufuses, low lifes, lazy, abusive, etc. . . .”

I’ll grant that some of my male brethren can be brutish, but . . . uh . . . at the end of the day . . . unless you’re a pre-teen girl who’s part of a Warren Jeffs-like FLDS cult, nobody forced you to date or marry said jackass. Ultimately, it’s your fault if you find yourself in cahoots with a creep. Somewhere along the line you blew off wisdom, counsel and common sense. I know that’s tight, but it’s right.

If you have blown it relationally, girls, don’t despair. There’s always hope; however, you’ve got to wise up. As one of my friends says, “If a donkey kicks you once, it’s his fault. If he kicks you a second time, it’s yours.”

Here are several “no-duh” safeguards that’ll keep you girls from getting relationally donkey kicked. Practice them, ladies, and you won’t have a dreadful dating life that ends up with you marrying the anti-Christ. Blow them off, and all I’ve got to say is, “Prepare to kiss the running chain saw of life.”

Having covered “no duh” point one (get a life before you get a date) in my last abecedarian article, I’ll now flesh out my five final warnings for all you girls to contemplate before you date.

Number Two: Get a grip.

The first thing to go when someone “feels” they’re in love is all cognizant thought. Yeah, here’s where the hormones forcefully kick logic’s butt to the curb and begin to drive the girl’s life like a drunk (or sober, for that matter) Gary Busey.

When the blood drains from the head to the crotch, men call this enjoyable but often-disastrous phenomenon thinking with their “little head.” Though minus the particular member men are guilty of being partial to, girls can also make massive mistakes when their heads switch off and their “hearts” switch on.

Ladies, the key to keeping your pretty feet tethered to the planet when you roam out into the dating Serengeti is . . . (drum roll, please) . . . to think! God gave you a head, so use it. Get a grip. Try to stay sane, girlfriend, so that romance doesn’t eclipse common sense.

If you find that you’re having problems using your noggin, do these: first, keep your hands off each other ‘til your brain catches up with your body. Second, don’t blow off family and friends, because they can help you see through the veil of crap that most bad guys hide behind.

Number Three: Get someone compatible.

Paula Abdul said, “it ain’t fiction it’s a natural fact, we come together cuz opposites attract.” And who are we to question the multiple divorced and serial bad dater, Paula Abduh? Girls, forget Miss Abdull’s advice. Sure, opposites attract, but the real question is . . . will they stay in tact when the poop hits the fan? And the answer is, highly unlikely.

Y’know, finding someone like-minded doesn’t sound as sexy as dating the brooding, in and out of jail, melancholic, mysterious, exotic wannabe rebel flute player for the rock band Oasis who needs your breast to lie on in order for him to make sense out of life. Yes, ladies, if you’d like to have a successful relationship with longevity, you’ve got to blow off the Sugar Daddy, the Tommy Lee or the Olivier Martinez idol you’re worshipping and realize that compatibility, not fantasy, is the key to the kingdom.

Number Four: Get Virtuous. Continued...