4. On Thursday my accountant didn’t think me leasing a 645 Ci BMW is a wise move.  I’m going to have him fired.  But I think I’ll wait ‘til Christmas to do it.  That’ll teach him to deny me.

5. On Friday the French doors for my dog’s dog house did not come in like I was told but are now going to be a week (a week!) late for installation.  This is inexcusable.

6. On Saturday, I found out that the giant altar I’m erecting to my writing and radio achievements will not fit in my aroma therapy room.  I think I’m just going to sell my house.

7.  And lastly, on Sunday, I go to church and the message was a little too close to home, a little too long, not really my style, and there wasn’t enough stuff that appealed to me and my immediate requirements.  Thus, I’m leaving this church.  What am I going to do, you ask? Well, I have hired out a minister to come to my house every Sunday to minister to me and my pressing needs.  I have even given this little gathering a name, it is called The First Church of You’d Better Focus on Me or You’ll be in My Dust.

It was a hectic seven days but after a day at the spa, an affirmation session with my counselor, and a mocha Frappachino liberally laced with some Xanax I’m feeling back in good form.  That is, if everyone will do what I say.  From my example you can learn to get wrapped around the axle regarding small things, then turn that angst into anger and then get even until they learn that it is all about you.

And let me give you losers who are determined to be self obsessed me monkeys an additional little caveat: stay away from Jesus Christ’s teachings.  They will absolutely ruin your selfishness.  They’ll mess with your time, your talent and your treasure.  They’ll require you to speak out and selflessly act when it is inconvenient for you.  They’ll put the onus on you to love people you don’t want to mess with; care for people you couldn’t careless about, give portions of your income for outreach, and forgive people you’d like to crush.  What kind of trash is that?  That’s for people who are grand and you my friend are not grand. Since you don’t seek to be anywhere near that which is noble I would run from Christ’s teachings like James Dobson would from Janet Reno if she tried to French kiss him.

Habit Eight to follow…

Logon to www.ClashRadio.com and hear Doug’s interview with Dr. Morris Chafetz author of the book Big Fat Liars: Corporations, and the Media use Science and Statistics To Manipulate the Public.