This is part three in my series Developing The Disaster Master Mind: 10 Habits of Decidedly Defective People©.  Hopefully you have already set in motion your destruction by digesting part one, Be a Slacker©, and part two, Blame Others©, and you are well on your way to creating for yourself a living hell. 

Please tell me you haven?t become disciplined or responsible, because if you have then you?re in danger of success?which will completely screw up what we?ve been trying to do here.  C?mon now . . . you?ve got to work with me . . . and stay the course . . . because failure is just a stone?s throw away.  You?ve got to help me help you push happiness out of your life by being a doer and not just a hearer of the 10 Habits of Decidedly Defective People©. 

This week we?re on Habit 3: Embrace Hopelessness©.  Now before you start sweating and freaking out about whether or not you can be unsuccessful, you must dial down and remember that failure is easy and success is difficult.  And since you desire to live a care free, no conflict, I-ain?t-got-squat-going-on-in-my-life existence, these pusillanimous principles will go down with the greatest of ease into your inept ears and will be manifest rather quickly in your sickly existence.  So relax . . . this is going to be effortless and uncomplicated. 

Well, enough with this initial pep talk and my opening pleasantries . . . let?s continue to sabotage all your chances of prosperity and blow all probability of accomplishment to smithereens with Habit 3.

Embrace Hopelessness

One great way to take the sizzle off your fajita is to cuddle despair.  I?m talking about getting so gloomy that you make Eeyore, Vincent Van Gogh, Jackson Pollock and Sylvia Plath look like Paula Abdul compared to you. 

Think about it. 

The bulk of the hapless people you have met in life were hopeless, right?  Thus, to carve out a crappy crevice for your life you must stop thinking and believing that good will ever, ever come your way.

Yes, hope is dangerous to your desires for failure.  Reminisce a little bit regarding the people who have made it and you?ll remember how positive and faith-filled they were no matter what difficulties they faced.  Some successful people have had hope against hope.  I?ve seen hundreds, if not thousands, of at-risk kids, broken families and bankrupt businessmen who were up serious creeks without paddles get out of the messes they were in and dramatically turn their lives around.   And what was the progenitor of their metamorphosis?  You guessed it.  Hope.  Stupid and stinking, pain in the butt, pie in the sky hope. You must beware of this encouraging force. Continued...