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Fascinating thread

Someone posting here said people are living longer, so marriage rules should change, and asked what we would do when people are regularly living to 150 or so.

As someone married once and who celebrated 34 years in that relationship as of last July, all I can say is I hope that we both live to 150 and enjoy the rest of our life together as much as--or more than--we have so far.

This is not to say it's been a marriage full of happiness and joy. It's been painful at times, frustrating at others, but always a learning experience, and with enough good times to make up for the bad ones.

We do happen to be a childless couple, partly because major depression runs in my family (along with a few other genetic issues), and partly because my husband had mumps as a teen. At this late date, it's impossible to say if our lack of children was because of my use of contraception for the first ten years of marriage or not. Lack of financial stability was also a factor because neither of us wanted to try raising children if we couldn't be reasonably certain of our ability to provide for them. So call us fearful and immature, if you like. We served many times as aunt and uncle to the children of friends.

Five years ago (almost), we took in a young woman who had been badly abused as a child, first by her mother, then by her stepmother, then by her first and second husbands. This has been quite a learning experience for us, me in particular--to have to deal with someone else's child and attempt to provide a safe haven for her to come to terms with the pain and anger she feels about what was done to her.

As boomers, my husband and I have managed to avoid the "If it feels good, do it" mentality. On the other hand, as I observe and listen to our "foster" daughter, I have to sigh over how much our generation did to ruin the lives of so many children.

Yes, there is a HUGE difference between making the lifetime commitment of a marriage and being content just to shack up. A lifetime commitment means exactly that--and it means you have to be willing to work out your differences, preferably by listening to each other.

As for the two posters complaining about how the divorce laws favor women, too true. A good friend of mine is in his third marriage. Two children from his first marriage have finally grown up to where he no longer needs to pay child support for them, but his son by his second wife is still a burden, expecially because his ex-wife has him in therapy for the "crime" of being a boy.

Plus, my friend also has two children by his current wife. As he is the sole support for them (they are pre-school aged), he and his current wife have had financial difficulties since they got married. I feel for them, though all I can do is, from time to time, be a shoulder to cry on and sometimes to provide suggestions for ways to deal with their financial problems.

Life is hard, and we all have to get used to it--and learn how to help each other, something not easy to do in a society becoming as fragmented as ours.

Just a thought.