Dear Dave,

When does reaching the point of being debt-free become more important than marriage? We’re following your plan and doing the debt snowball, but my husband’s been working a second job, and it’s really cutting into our together-time at night and straining our relationship. I’m afraid we’re going to end up debt-free, but divorced. When does one outweigh the other?

Tracy

Dear Tracy,

When does one outweigh the other? Maybe when you stop whining?

Seriously, getting out of debt is never more important than your marriage. But families go through all kinds of stuff, and one of those things is cleaning up messes they’ve made. It’s not always fun, but there’s a price to pay if you want to win with your money or anything else.

It sounds to me like your husband has gone gazelle intense about getting out of debt, and in the process may have left you behind a little bit. I don’t recommend that! He probably needs to take some time to come back and emotionally re-connect with you. And I’m sure some good, old-fashioned back rubs and words of encouragement from you are in order. Your man could use them if he’s been working two jobs!

But there’s plenty of time for snuggling and stuff later. Right now, you’re trying to do something—something really important—for the good of your family. I know it can be difficult, but it won’t last forever. And I can promise you this: Once you’re done, you’ll be very glad you toughed it out!

—Dave