Q. I work as a manager, and I notice I always have someone on my team that expects my pity. Sometimes employees talk about going through a rough divorce, an illness or troubled family members. I consider myself compassionate, but I'm sick of giving employees breaks. How can I hold employees more accountable?

A. Give employees a choice between power or pity. Realize that people often don't see that asking for pity makes others feel manipulated. People also don't see that people who feel manipulated become resentful over time.

There are many state and federal laws that define an employer's responsibility with employee illnesses. Since I am not an attorney, I'd advise you to talk to your human resource department to educate you about these laws.

Once you know what you are legally obligated to do, you have the freedom to expect your employees not to troll for pity. The truth is our society often rewards people who claim to be victims. Victims make other people feel guilty for expecting anything.

There are rare times in life when all of us have been a victim of unfortunate circumstances. But people who continually ask for pity are usually addicted to foolish behavior. Lifelong victims keep making the same mistakes and expect everyone else to pick up the slack.

As a manager, the foolish choices of your employees are not your responsibility. You will get angrier and angrier and your employees will become less and less competent.

Let's say an employee has repeatedly asked for time off to rescue a troubled family member. You could continue to give him the time. The time off rewards him for his effective sob story. He will be encouraged to provide you with sadder and sadder reasons to give him time off. Continued...