Q. I was recently laid off and have no idea whether it's a performance issue or whether the company just needed to save money. I want to know the truth before my next employer tries to call for background information. Ideas?

A. I can tell you already have one essential skill of success; curiosity. Often people leave jobs and fail to get information that could have helped them be more effective in the future. People also leave jobs taking the layoff personally when it may have had nothing to do with performance.

Set up a meeting with your boss. Tell him or her that you are a life-long learner who considers everything that happens at work to be part of a classroom. Make it clear to your boss that you are aware the layoff may have had nothing to do with performance. Then ask your boss if he/she could give you frank feedback about any performance issues.

Your boss may tell you, that it was simply economics. In this case, you'll avoid the many sleepless nights you would have spent on the mystery of your layoff.

If your boss is willing to give you information, ask for specific examples and suggested changes. Realize your boss doesn't have a bat phone to universal wisdom so don't just swallow everything you hear. Do carefully consider anything you want to defend because honest feedback often upsets us.

When your boss is done, simply repeat back in your words what he or she has said and finish with the million-dollar question. If my performance had been better in these areas, would I have still been laid off?

If your boss suggests room for improvement, you just received valuable free executive coaching. If you find out you would have been laid off regardless of achievements, you'll avoid more future sleepless nights.

If your boss suggests room for improvement and the possibility you might have been retained without these challenges, you just received a degree from the school of hard knocks. Use this education to get your next job.

Keep in mind, none of us likes rejection and a layoff is rejection any way you slice it. There is nothing you can do after the pink slip that will get your job back. What you can gain is an extraordinary impression on your boss and coworkers that you act with graciousness even in the worst of times. When they start hiring again, you may be the first one they call.

The last word(s)

Q. My coworker is Mr. Argumentative. I'm sick of debates. Can I make him stop?

A. Yes, quit responding. It's hard to keep playing tennis if no one hits the ball back.