First he praised senators “who put politics aside and put courage first” in supporting his “comprehensive” bill. He applauded them for doing “what’s right, not what’s comfortable” in the face of criticism. Or put another way, those of us who don’t support his amnesty-by-another-name proposal are cowards who are wrong and are simply playing politics.

The president next said, “A lot of Americans are skeptical about immigration reform primarily because they don’t think the government can fix the problems.” (Well…duh) “And my answer to the skeptics is…give us a chance to fix this problem.” The president continued: “For decades we have not been in complete control of the borders and many people have lost faith in our capacity to get control of the borders. (Well…duh) I ask them to look at what’s taken place over the past years, recent years.”

Ummm…they are, Mr. President. The government has had over 20 years to fix this problem since the last amnesty was sold to us. And you have presided over the last six. We tend to think we’ve given y’all plenty of chances to fix this problem already. Our patience has grown thin.

Next the president advised that his bill would “promote tamper-resistant identification cards…that some document forger can’t foist off as a document for somebody to come and pick peaches here in Georgia.” The president desperately wants us to believe this whole issue is about nothing more than peach-picking in Georgia. Totally disingenuous.

But this tamper-resistant ID card idea presents a whole host of additional problems and new concerns for both American workers and employers. Will you and I, American citizens, have to get one of these new tamper-resistant ID cards in order to pick peaches in Georgia? I don’t know about you, but I’m not good with that.

But if every prospective peach-picker isn’t required to present a tamper-resistant ID card, how’s an employer supposed to know which applicants are legal and which aren’t? And the first time an employer asks an American citizen named Julio Valdez to present a tamper-resistant ID card, he opens himself to a rash of lawsuits and EEOC complaints. So while this tamper-resistant ID card sounds great on the surface, it’s a whole new nightmare (unless you’re a lawyer or government bureaucrat) waiting to happen.

At this point, the president began singing the praises of his proposed amnesty…er, guest-worker plan. “If you’re interested in securing the border, wouldn’t you rather have Border Patrol agents chasing down terrorists and gun runners and dope runners as opposed to people who are coming to do jobs Americans aren’t doing?”

What the president is saying here is that if you oppose his “comprehensive” immigration reform proposal, then you’re responsible for terrorists, gun runners and drug dealers not being caught. But the really outrageous thing about this statement is the fact that there are two Border Patrol agents sitting in jail right now - Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean - for chasing down a notorious drug smuggler, shooting him in the butt and capturing him. Funny how the president failed to mention that. Disgraceful that he hasn’t yet issued a pardon for these Border Patrol agents.

Time to talk about “amnesty.”

“Amnesty is forgiveness for being here without any penalties, that’s what amnesty is,” the president explained. “I oppose it. The authors, many of the authors of this bill oppose it. This bill is not an amnesty bill. If you want to scare the American people, what you say is the bill is an amnesty bill. It’s not an amnesty bill. That’s empty political rhetoric, trying to frighten our fellow citizens.”

Talk about empty political rhetoric. Here we go again with the ol’ Humpty Dumpty routine: “When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean – nothing more nor less."

As the president explains, his “not amnesty” bill will allow an illegal alien to apply for a “Z” visa. To get the “Z” visa, which will enable him or her to continue working here, the illegal alien “must admit they violated the law and pay a meaningful penalty, pass a strict background check, hold a job, maintain a clean record, and eventually learn English.” Then, if the illegal alien who broke the nation’s immigration laws to get here wants to become an actual citizen, he or she “would first have to pay an additional fine” and “return home to file an application for your green card.”

Let’s put this in another perspective: If I break into Sen. Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts home and move into one of his spare bedrooms, as long as I pay a fine, pass a background check, keep a job, stay out of trouble and speak drunkenese, I can continue to live there.

And if I just pay a little bit more of a fine, I can actually become a member of the Kennedy family, as long as I return briefly to Nevada and fill out some paperwork. The fact that I broke the law by breaking into his home in the first place doesn’t mean I have to move out. I’m forgiven, and won’t suffer any penalty other than having to pay a little fine.

But that’s not amnesty, right?

Back to the president bashing opponents of his “not amnesty” bill.

“This reform is complex. There’s a lot of emotions around this issue. Convictions run deep. Those determined to find fault with this bill will always be able to look at a narrow slice of it and find something they don’t like. If you want to kill the bill, if you don’t want to do what’s right for America, you can pick one little aspect out of it, you can use it to frighten people.”

Un…be…lievable. According to the president, Americans whose “convictions run deep” on this “complex” and “emotional” issue “don’t want to do what’s right for America.” And the amnesty aspect of the proposal isn’t anything major; heck, it’s only a “narrow slice” of the bill. And anyone who disagrees is just trying to “frighten” people. Talk about how to win friends and influence people.

Well, at least he didn’t call us all a bunch of vigilantes this time. So I guess that’s progress. But if I wasn’t offended by the bill itself before, I am by the president’s insulting characterizations of opponents in this speech, along with his mischaracterizations of the issue. And that’s enough for me to conclude that this latest “comprehensive” reform scheme still sucks eggs and deserves a quick and painful death. Hasta la vista, baby.