You'll see everything, they say, if you live long enough. Well, I guess I've lived long enough because I've just seen our government come out against work.

I wish we could take credit for this enlightened policy. Certainly, we have been lobbying long and hard for the brave, lazy citizens who enjoy getting a paycheck for doing nothing. But, no -- the policy comes directly from the crowd "within the beltway," which is good news for those of us so committed to sloth that our stomachs extend "beyond the belt loops."

It was Department of Commerce Secretary Gary Locke who broke the news at a press briefing held on Aug. 19th. Backed up by Secretary of Health and Human Services Katherine Sebelius and Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, Locke announced the greatest excuse for not working since "the dog ate my homework."

"In America we love to praise the Puritan work ethic," said Locke, "and with reason. But this fall, it would serve the country better to praise common sense and responsibility from top to bottom. Businesses need to drive home the point that if an employee stays home sick, it's not only the best thing for the company's health, but also for the health of his or her co-workers and the productivity of the company."

If you are shocked by what is virtually a government order to stay home, you should know that Locke and the other bigwigs disguised this "work less for the worthless" program by trumpeting a possible outbreak of swine flu or, as it is known to its friends, the H1N1 virus. The flu is no joking matter, of course. It's a gift from the bureaucratic gods to anyone who has ever faked a sore throat or a stuffy nose to call in sick.

Call me cynical, but this isn't the first time an administration has used a vaporous threat to drive us into action. I refer to the debacle of WMD: "Weapons of Mass Decongestants."

Lest your joy at receiving a virtual "executive order" to roll over and play sick -- because you've tried it before, only to learn that even a heart transplant is not sufficient to elicit sympathy from your heartless manager -- Locke has a stern warning for our bosses.

"Some businesses now require workers to provide doctors' notes or other paperwork to prove that they or their loved ones had to miss work because of illness. That's a requirement that employers should consider dropping." Continued...