What's the scariest part of any job search? Providing references, that's what. Not only can references put any chance of employment at risk by telling lies about you, they can totally sink your career by doing something truly mean and sinister -- they could tell the truth.

Bulletproofing Your References In the Hunt for a New Job is the headline of a recent Wall Street Journal column by Joann S. Lublin, and let me say right at the outset that Lublin is a hardworking, well-respected reporter who would an excellent addition to any newsroom. (I don't expect anything in return for this reference, but if Joann S. is interested, the password for my Swiss bank account is Yoddler3. And tell Hans I said hello.)

Of course, the entire concept of asking for workplace references is flawed. Why would an employer expect you to provide any reference who wasn't a major fan of your work? And why would even a dim bulb like you offer up contact information for all the managers, supervisors and co-workers who think you're a jerk?

Despite the lack of logic built into the process, references will be continued to be required and supplied, providing cover for the hiring manager, and anxiety for the applicant. This brings us to the subject of "bulletproofing."

Lublin's first tip in this area comes from Andy Levine, the president of an economic marketing-development firm in New York. After finding his name continually being given as a reference from a former employee who had been dismissed within three months of being hired, Levine suggests that you "seek references from someone besides the boss who fired you."

On the surface, this seems to be sensible advice, but it could raise problems for you, because the only bosses who didn't fire you were unable to do so because you quit before they had the chance.

Even with a paucity of management fans in your employment history, there are still techniques for creating a list of bulletproof references. For example, Lublin suggests you "negotiate a balanced response from a bad boss and other risky references." Specifically, you might negotiate a deal in which your bad boss does not mention the six missing Aeron chairs the morning you stopped coming to work, in return for which could offer to delete your cell-phone photos of your boss dancing the meringue in his tighty whities at the office Christmas party.

"Going the extra mile with references may enhance your chances of landing a job," suggests Randy Street, a partner in a management-assessment firm. "That means caring enough to do more than just asking for permission."

One example Lublin submits of going the extra mile is to "draft talking points and recommendation letters for busy references -- subject to their final approval." Those talking points might highlight your outstanding work ethic, your irresistible sales techniques, your charming personality, and your role as a role model for the entire staff. Of course, your former manager might hesitate to use your talking points, but that attitude will quickly change when you inform him that upon being offered the new job you will return, unharmed, his golf clubs, his BMW, and his schnauzer.

If you don't consider kidnapping and blackmail as examples of "caring enough," the least you can do is inform your references about improvements in your workplace skills. "You might say, 'back then I wasn't as organized as I am now,'" suggests Street. Or, say I, you could inform your reference that "back then, I wasn't in constant communication with Martians as I am now, and therefore, was unable to successfully travel backward in the time-space continuum to re-arrange the molecular structure of our competitors."

The way I see it, the only person who wouldn't melt at that explanation has to be a Venusian.

"Contact references after they've spoken on your behalf, and use innovative methods to stay in touch a few times a year," is another bulletproofing technique. Traditional cornball techniques, like sending holiday cards, can now be technologically upgraded using "Google Alerts" to track the names of your references through cyberspace. But why stop there? Why not place a GPS-transmitter in your reference's car, and use your free, unemployed hours to track your reference in person! After three Jason Bourne movies you should know how to follow someone successfully. What better way to prove your commitment to a potential reference, and, hopefully, to get photographic proof of their involvement in an illicit love-nest with the schnauzer.