Hey, I know a foolproof way to keep your job. You can be inefficient, incompetent and irritating -- and from what I hear, you are -- and no one will ever fire you. How do you do it? It's simple. Just make sure you're working for your father.

And what if your father is too smart to hire a lazy loser like you? Bad news, bucko. I'm afraid that if you want to keep that job, you will need to work at it.

Don't despair. You won't have to work at your actual job; that's a major time sink and total dummy move. The work you need to do is aimed at convincing a management that's increasingly ready, aiming, and about to fire that they need to spare lovable, absolutely essential y-o-u.

Fireproofing your job is the name of the game, and in a recent issue of "Money," reporter Donna Rosato offers six "smart, field-tested strategies" to keep you from become one of the 1.4 million professionals currently out of work. (That number represents a 41 percent increase in the unemployment rate of college-educated workers. So, I guess that $23.99 you spent on an MBA from the Fredonia School of Business won't really save you.)

"Stand out and step up" is strategy No. 1. "The invisible guy is the first to go," warns executive recruiter Stephan Viscusi, as quoted by Rosato. Though Viscusi doesn't mention it, I assume the invisible gal is second. Unfortunately, being invisible is the one job skill you have mastered. Like Lamont Cranston, aka The Shadow, you have the power to cloud the minds of managers, and make them believe that you are actually doing productive work when, in fact, you are snoozing the day away.

That will all have to change if you are to follow Rosato's advice to raise your profile by arriving before 10, leaving after 4 and, in the meantime, "making cogent points in meetings." Let's face it, the last cogent point you made in a meeting was in 2006 when you accused your team of taking all the jelly doughnuts and leaving you nothing but maple bars.

"Be a money-maker" is strategy No. 2. Imagine how job confident you would be if you were seen as a profit center, rather than a drain on the budget. Unfortunately, you are a drain. "Share ideas to generate revenue even if that's not part of your responsibilities" is the general idea, and it wouldn't be difficult. Simply prepare a list of your dearest, closest co-workers and submit their names to the boss as candidates for immediate firing. Continued...