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Friday, April 04, 2008
Albert Mohler :: Townhall.com Columnist
Is There A War Against Fathers In America?
by Albert Mohler
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Albert Mohler recently interviewed Stephen Baskerville. Dr. Baskerville is a professor at Patrick Henry College and author of the book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fatherhood, Marriage and the Family.”

Mohler: I find fascinating the fact that you have a rather aggressive title here: you’re talking about a war against fathers, marriage and the family. There are a lot of people who, I think, are unaware of this war. Help us understand it.

Baskerville: Most people are unaware of it until they are sucked into it—usually through the family court system, divorce or some other method. Americans would be very shocked if they knew what was going on in this country under the name of divorce—“no fault divorce.”

What we call divorce has become essentially a euphemism for government officials, courts primarily, and social service agencies to invade families—to separate children from parents who have done nothing wrong; to plunder the parents for everything they have in many cases and even to criminalize the parents and jail them without trail; to turn them into criminals in ways the parents are powerless to avoid.

The overwhelming victims of this are fathers, though at times it happens to mothers as well. Usually it is not a matter of gender bias, it is a matter of power and money—of the huge machine that has grown up in the last four decades around the question of “no fault divorce,” child custody and related issues.

Mohler: Now in your work you really demonstrate how the “no fault divorce revolution” and the law has brought enormous consequences. Can you help spell those out for us? I think an awful lot of Americans, especially those who are younger, aren’t aware of how the law really has been transformed in this area.

Baskerville: That’s right. The term “no fault” understates the problem. It really is unilateral divorce—involuntary divorce. It allows one spouse to force divorce on the other without the involuntary spouse having done anything wrong. In other words, your spouse can divorce you without you having done anything legally wrong or agreeing to the divorce. In fact, it goes further than that. Maggie Gallagher … describes it as the abolition of marriage, and that is really what it is. The marriage contract is not in any way legally binding anymore. It can be broken without consequence by one spouse unilaterally—the other spouse has no choice. Divorce is simply forced on that spouse. And most often it’s the father.

Mohler: Let’s just revisit the situation before “no fault divorce.” At that time society privileged marriage as a contract above other contracts because it was understood to be more than a contract. Marriage was understood to be the basic building block of civilization. And to dissolve a marriage was understood to be an issue of such consequence that there had to be cause. I think that’s what people don’t understand. When it says “no fault” it really means “no cause.” You don’t have to have a cause now. One spouse can simply decide that he or she—and in a lot of cases it’s both—doesn’t want to be married anymore and there is nothing the other spouse can do to prevent the divorce. Isn’t that the ultimate issue here?

Baskerville: That is correct. And to be fair, though, this was happening even before “no fault divorce.” “No fault divorce” laws really just put the nails in the coffin. They just codified what was already taking place. Therefore, simply repealing “no fault divorce” and reinstating fault in divorce would not solve the problem.

The issue today has really become child custody: by shifting the battle into the area of children they turned children into political weapons. Because what happens is not only can one spouse unilaterally divorce the other, but she—and it is usually the mother—can take the children with her (or sometimes the father does it to the mother), but in most cases the mother can divorce the father, and without any grounds, take the children. She doesn’t have to give any reason. After that point the father’s contact with the children when it is not authorized by the government becomes a crime. He can be arrested for trying to see his own children without having done anything legally wrong. And this is what’s shocking: they just turned children into political weapons and political tools.

Mohler: I’ve been concerned for years about what I’ve called the divorce industrial complex. You really do a great job in your book in demonstrating how there is an entire pernicious economy based upon and encouraging and facilitating divorce.

Baskerville: It’s huge, that’s right. And what’s most important about it is this huge machine is government based. It’s not just private entrepreneurs in this case, it is government officials. It’s lawyers, it’s judges and it’s the huge social services bureaucracies … it’s a huge entourage that is not only profiting from divorce, but increasing government power over private lives in very dangerous ways.

Mohler: Professor Baskerville … you were talking about the fathers as victims of this and I think in that context that’s clearly the right way to talk about this. But ultimately, children are the victims of all of this.

Baskerville: Well, that’s exactly right. This is the main cause behind the epidemic of fatherless children—that 24 million fatherless children in this country are not that way because the fathers have abandoned their children, contrary to government and other propaganda. Overwhelmingly, it is because fathers are forcibly kept away from their children. Fathers who have done nothing wrong are forcibly separated from their children. We know that fatherlessness is the single greatest predictor of social and personal deviance among children, alcohol and substance abuse, crime and low educational attainment and yet we are told that fathers are abandoning their children. This is not true.

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About The Author
In addition to being one of Salem’s nationally syndicated radio talk show hosts, R. Albert Mohler, Jr. is the president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville.
As I've said manyt times before,
the gov't, especially the liberal part of it, has been hard at work destroying this country one foundational brick at a time.

The Marriage Contract
The American marriage contract can be terminated by both parties at any time with written notice and without justification in fact or law. This is very odd given the nature of marriage, which is a mutually cooperative enterprise wherein the assets and liabilities of both parties are inseparably intermingled and the enterprise's existence is presumed perpetual, i.e. "until death do us part". Indeed, both parties usually undertake illiquid financial positions and apply their scarce capital to otherwise inefficient ends in reliance on the marriage enterprise's perpetuity. Therefore, where one party unilaterally terminates the marriage contract, the other party's long-term goals are materially frustrated and he/she is severely damaged financially.

Now for the punchline: Where two commercial enterprises engage in a contractual relationship similar to marriage, the law of contract imposes significant burdens on the breaching party because the non-breaching party is so heavily invested in the relationship in reliance on its continuation. In other words, American law administers the termination of contracts between commercial enterprises far more equitably than it does the termination of a marriage contract between spouses. That this is the case shows us just how irrational, inequitable and socially destructive American family law has become.

I wonder how this came about? Does anyone know?

Dehumanizing the Males
There has always been dicrimination against fathers. In a divorce, he is usually put out on the streets losing his home, car, furniture and bank account paying his bills as well as his wife's bills. when he goes to visit his children, there is usually the X wife's boyfriend, whom he supports with alimony and child support, supervising. Often, the children are not home so his trip was futile. then if late on enormous payments, he serves time in honor camp. America is no country for fathers.

Fathers
American men and fathers have become nothing less than second class citizens. Marriage in America is nothing more than a nightmare which is the reason why there has been an increasing number of American men who are looking elsewhere. The rise in feminism in America has been paralled by a growth in marriages between western men and women from Asia, Russia and Latin America where women tend to be more traditional and those marriages have a 70% success rate against the 50% divorce rate for all US couples.

But don't worry the US feminists are bitter about this and managed to get Congress to pass a law called IMBRA that creates a barrier between American and foreign women. The new intrusive IMBRA law requries American men to have background checks before they can send e mails to foreigners if they use the services of an international matchmaking organization. This law effectively labels all men as abusers who must prove their innocence first before they can communicate (say hello)to a foreign lady.

Face the reality: American men are second class citizens and the IMBRA law which is unconstitutional is proof. We have no rights.

Oh Goodie
Another embittered man who had no idea his wife was going to leave him over something so trivial as infidelity, refusal to get a job, and having a succession of affairs, and was shocked that even though he Wants to runaway to and live with the au pair as if the wife and the children never existed at all, HE HAS TO SUPPORT THEM! Oh the humanity!

Every day in every way I am happier that I never got married, and that I did not subject my kids to a succession of embittered, whining, oblivious weenies who are shocked -- SHOCKED! -- that they cannot have the au pair and a wife too, and that fathering children means paying actual money to feed, clothe, shelter, educate and transport them even if his new girl needs a sable coat and a vacation in Bali! Not to mention the matter of those five years of unpaid taxes, the maxed out credit cards and the mortgage payments that went into his *new* lifestyle!

Yep, its a CONSPIRACY AGAINST FATHERS to insist that they treat their marriage vows as sacred and pay the bills instead of spending the money on toys. Save me.

It's Not Just A War On Fathers
The government's policies constituted a war against the family. Everything in this article is true, but the effect is felt by every member of the family when government policy intersects with the family. Here's an example. In most states, if a child between the ages of 12 and 18 is in "counseling," the "counselor" can not share ANY information with the parents unless the child signs a waiver which grants permission for the "counselor" to speak to the parents. Unless there is a clear and present threat to the physical health and safety of the child, such a law is reprehensible, and is just another example of how statists in the various bureaucratic institutions have interjected themselves into the lives of we, the people.

other side of the coin
I got a no-fault divorce from my wife when my daughter turned 18. Fortunately, I had avoided buying a house, and my wife got nothing. True, I did pay for all of my daughter's college education without being forced to, and now that I have retired, she supports me. I know that the militant feminists have declared war on us, but if we're smart and keep a low profile we can slip through the cracks. That will become more difficult if Hillary is elected. Look at the polls to see how the men (and smart women) are voting. They know.

militant feminism and intelligence
You got it. I am saying that militant feminists are stupid.

one militant feminist
My former wife, in her occasional moments of lucidity, would say: "My voice is worse than any fist."

Departments of Social Services
These bureaucrats work on job security by causing trouble for families. There was a huge case in Wenatchee, Washington of sex abuse that affected five (?) families. Their children were put in the foster care system and the parents sent to jail. It took a concerned attorney who smelled trouble many years to get everything overturned and free the parents. Nothing could undo the damage to the families and restore their lives after this upheaval. The entire thing was a bureacratic search for work to fill their roles. Government sometimes protects but it often destroys. Fathers especially take a hit.

Divorce and Fathers
I work in the system and I meet people who get victimized. It is not always the father that gets the shaft but it is the father more often than not. I know of one man who retired from the Army and had a good pension. His wife decided that she wanted this other guy. She sued for divorce. She got the house which her ex had to pay the mortgage. She was awarded half his pension and child support. This man got a job and she took him back to court for more support. Now this woman is living with a man that makes big bucks. Since her new squeeze is a law enforcement official he has used his influence to get an ex parte order so the ex cannot see his children. This is not a one way street regarding gender but in many cases the resulting legal action really puts it to one or the other.

What we see in Colorado is amazing
http://www.knowyourcourts.com/divorceIndustry/divorceIndust ry.htm

It takes a while to document this stuff, but when you put the picture together, it curdles the blood.

What a relief !
I was told a story recently about a young couple who were going to be married. The father of one of the two betrothed reminded them that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The young couple acknowledged that they were aware of this statistic and would work to keep their marriage together.

The father went on to say for them not to worry because the other 50% ended in death.

Tibby

Bill Gates
They interviewed Bill Gates on TV once when he was still single and asked him if he was concerned that women wanted him only for his money. He replied that he dated only intelligent women who were smart enough to know they weren't going to get his money. I wonder how it worked out.

Liberals and Fathers
"No-fault" divorce was a liberal idea, and liberals have a problem with fathers and father figures, according to “Man in the Trap” http://www.orgonomy.org/article_terrorism_trueliberal.html .

Although written in 1965, it could have been written yesterday!

Property rights
"...in most cases the mother can divorce the father, and without any grounds, take the children. She doesn’t have to give any reason."

In the U.S., children are the de facto property of their mothers, and this is only one way that mothers exercise their property rights over their children.

unerring instincts of a homing pigeon
Divorce is an industry.
Adultery is the raison d'etre

Its sin, not supposed to work out for the best.
Its supposed to cause folks problems, and any problem folks have with their sinning, there are lawyers waiting to get paid to make it worse.

There is enough pain to go around
For all who experience divorce, man or woman, or child.

In fact divorce is the most painful situation a family can share, more so than the loss of a member.

I went through a divorce way back in 1973, and had thought I knew what pain was.
I had no idea what pain was until that year.

Its a pain that never dies, its endless pain for at least one, as now in my own case.
I got over the divorce, as she now suffers every bit as much as she caused back in 73.

Divorce is horribly destructive for both parties, but it will never leave the head of the one who causes it.

God is not mocked, but what we sow, shall we also reap.
Its why adultery used to be a crime, and people today mock these Laws of Nature.
And grow worse and worse with their mocking.
Fools

Industry is correct...
A high profile celebrity couple married for a long timed (to each other) were once asked about "How do you do it?"

The reply "a marriage counselor was half the price of 'one' divorce lawyer."

Maybe if more couples weren't so fast to give up, more marriages would last. When it is going well, a marriage is effortless, when someone's needs aren't being met, it can be hard work to stay connected, or sometimes even civil.

I have seen many times in our circle of coworkers and friends how bitter some women get and how vindictive as well. I have seen more women "walk out" and leave their families wondering "why?" than men walking out to another woman.

Yep, there is a war on fathers specifically and on men in general.

Divorce in America
The feminist recipe for divorce advises a woman to be the captain of her own ship: "Throw the man overboard. Take his house, take his kids, and make him pay you child support and alimony. You deserve it!"
Every man has to find some way to defend himself from getting stabbed in the back like this. The first practical move is to buy a house before marriage. Then retain that property no matter what the woman says. Do not move. Do not put her name on the deed. Hang tight.
If a woman can't score a house, chances are she won't initiate a divorce in the first place.
Every man has to learn that when he is dealing with his wife he is not dealing with just an individual. Her mother, her sisters, and all of her girlfriends are all right there in the middle of their relationship. She will tell them all of his business as soon as she can get to a phone.
Women are all connected to some sort of a group-mind thing that I really don't understand too well. If you want to witness this phenomenon, all you have to do is watch the Oprah show. The "Big Black Mammy" sits up there on a couch and brainwashes all the naive white girls on a daily basis. She tells them how to think and what opinions to have on every subject. It's like a female brain church.
Well, that's all I have to say. The only other way to handle a divorce is to pull an "O.J." I strongly advise against that. It's not worth it.

Change
Current divorce laws, and the resulting lack of a father in the upbringing of boys is why so many boys drop out of high school, and in turn fail to attend college. An educated boy is not an educated girl, as evidenced by those who created and are maintaining this nation's infrastructure. It was and is 100% "a man's thing." Without sufficient educated young men the nation will perish.

The situtation should be remedied by reinstating, state by state, "fault divorce."
Chris

AudiR10
Not all men are monsters, my husband had employees who were treated abominably by their wives behind their backs and ended up shacking up with the new guy. Like the article says, these guys were treated like dirt and the adulterous wives took them to the cleaners. One was jailed because she moved out of state, with new husband she cheated with while married to the first. Never acknowledged or allowed kids to acknowledge gifts etc. What these witches do
is turn kids against Dad, it's all about control.
And it's a lucrative industry for some. I've been blessed with over 40 yrs of marriage to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. O we have our battles, I'm no doormat but we always made up; our marriage is based on God first, our relationship and family. I made the decision not to work outside my home (and got a lot of flack for it) because
I was a latchkey kid when most moms were like me and wouldn't do that to my own. I was fiercely protective of influences by others which is another reason I raised them myself. They are all pretty good adults raising their own gaggle
of kids and doing well.
I agree, men are being treated like second class citizens, we have a lot of young women who have bought the feminist lie. We went through tough times, he had to work two jobs through most of those years and sometimes took a second part time job. He may not be financially successful,
but he's successful where it counts, his relationship with God, his marriage and his family.

Audi
You sound bitter,and that surprised me.Myself I have been married for over 53 years.Takes alot of give and take,but in my family of the five boys only one got a divorce,and of the five girls two got divorced.

Your god deserves to be mocked
talent scout: "There is enough pain to go around For all who experience divorce, man or woman, or child.

In fact divorce is the most painful situation a family can share, more so than the loss of a member.

I went through a divorce way back in 1973, and had thought I knew what pain was.
I had no idea what pain was until that year.

Its a pain that never dies, its endless pain for at least one, as now in my own case.
I got over the divorce, as she now suffers every bit as much as she caused back in 73.

Divorce is horribly destructive for both parties, but it will never leave the head of the one who causes it.

God is not mocked, but what we sow, shall we also reap.
-----------------------
If divorce is such a bad thing, why do you keep financing the spiritual cockroaches known as televangelists -- 50% of whom are divorced? Why does your god continue to aid and abet them?

Your god deserves to be mocked. He is the soul of injustice.

Pain
I have a friend who's wife left him for another guy,divorced him and took everything she could and ruined his rep all over town. Every time he called her she would tell him she was going to ruin himand not to call again. Well the other guy left her and now she's got cancer and it's terminal. Guess who she called the other day for help? He couldn't do it, He's back with her taking care of her. At least they're legal and a new will has been made so when she dies he gets it all. My guess though is he'll earn every cent.

Betty Freidan Lives!!!
Audi: "Every day in every way I am happier that I never got married, and that I did not subject my kids to a succession of embittered, whining, oblivious weenies who are shocked -- SHOCKED! -- that they cannot have the au pair and a wife too, and that fathering children means paying actual money to feed, clothe, shelter, educate and transport them even if his new girl needs a sable coat and a vacation in Bali!
----------------------
There is so much misandry in that post, Gloria Allred would blush!

No problem of mine, mock God
Beastie Boy writes: 2:31 PM
Your god deserves to be mocked

If divorce is such a bad thing, why do you keep financing the spiritual cockroaches known as televangelists -- 50% of whom are divorced? Why does your god continue to aid and abet them?

Your god deserves to be mocked. He is the soul of injustice.
-----------

ts:
I do not finance any televangelist, not cockroachs or beastie boys.
Whoever divorces is their problem, not mine.
Some are justified by at least one party, but most are not.
Not my problem to assess blame, nor yours.

You know nothing of my God.
Your ignorance, hate and vile blasphemy is your enemy, not God.

It bothers me not, its all yours to deal with

There's an overall war on adulthood
in this country. That's the cornerstone of the divorce problem. Men and women can be equally horrible, and divorce/custody should be done on a case by case basis. Of course, if divorcing people would act like adults should, there would be no need for legal intervention, simple mediation would do.

rsoponse to AudiR10
you are ignorant of the extent of this problem. my ex-wife was a drunk and a pillhead, for which we seperated after trying to get her help, which she faked her way through. she has been caught red handed beating my son, being abusive to both my children, and failing to do such basic medical care as filling prescriptions for anti biotics. i have joint custody, yet i pay her child support even though i don't make any more money than her. we have been to court i don't know how many times, and each time the judge orders her to be a parent, micro managing her actions, and she ignores the order, and the only ones suffering are my kids. Dr. Baskerville has only scratched the surface. the courts and the laws are out of date. there are alot of fathers out there that really care about their kids, and they are being obstructed everyday by old fashioned bigoted ideas about fathers.

beastie writes: "There is so much

misandry in that post, Gloria Allred would blush!"

Really??? You think so?????

Audi says, "SHOCKED-- that they cannot have the au pair and a wife too, and that fathering children means paying actual money to feed, clothe, shelter, educate and transport them even if his new girl needs a sable coat and a vacation in Bali!"

Of how about leaving his ex-wife and children in a house with no heat for an entire winter???

Or how about threatening to have the ex-wife "SHOT!" which resulted in a PFA???

Or how about harassing threatening phone calls, night after night after night???


Nice guy, huh? And he's a lawyer!!!


oldsocialworker: Good point... BUT...


if divorcing people would act like adults should, they probably wouldn't be going through a divorce in the first place...



war against men
I taught in English in a private school in a neighboring country. Once I was told to administer a test of oral proficiency to a class of 12 year olds, using the question of what the kids wanted to do with their lives. I interviewed them in groups of 2. All 5 boys said they wanted to become famous athletes. All 12 girls said they wanted to marry a rich man. Three of the 12 girls said they wanted to marry a rich man, kill him, and take all of his money. Cute little girls, too. The war starts early.

I love be villanized
Point blank, many people are quick to tell me that I was wrong for leaving my husband...but many never took the time to live with my ex husband either. YOU try walking in MY shoes for nine years and then YOU can tell me whether or not I am right, but until you can do that, then please keep your mouth shut.


I'm beginning to think that these two
terms are almost mutually exclusive. :(

Anne: "Nice guy, huh? And he's a lawyer!!!

What's really interesting are the views

and assumptions made by those who have either never gone through a divorce, or those who simply think their experience is the only typical experience.....

There are injustices thoughout the system, and unfortunately the children do suffer the most.


Why do the experts say...

"Don't stay together just for the kids sake".

I can see if there's violence and cruelty involved. But most people don't get hitched with intentions of a childless marriage. They usually marry for the express purpose of starting a family. So, why not follow through?

How about some statistics
I live in eastern Kentucky and minister to children. Sometimes when we are bringing them home, the make a sport of teasing some of the children about who their "daddy" is. I really see the other side of the story where the men are abandoning their children and really do not want anything to do with them. The big missing item from this article is the facts. I understand that some guys can get the shaft also, but how about some statistics rather than making sweeping generalities. That is what the liberals are famous for. I am not used to seeing this from conservatives.

I agree with the author
a man, whether a father or not, gets the short straw far too often. I've known men who live in studio apartments because their wives have the big house (that the men are required to pay for!)

WHY?????????????? If Equal is what the women want, then Equal is what they should get!

It is HIGH TIME to stop this craziness! But I don't think the lawyers will allow it. Come to think about it, aren't most of the congressmen and women lawyers??? That is undoubtedly one of the major problems with our government!

AudieR10
Your comments demonstrate how ignorant you are. Women initiate about 70% of all divorces. Studies consistently show that the primary reasons women give for seeking divorce are for fluff reasons such as "we fell out of love" or "we grew apart." In the vast majority of cases, it has nothing to do with infidelity, violence, or other substantial causes. It is women, not men, who are at fault. It is women, not men, who abandon marriage and their families.

Audi-your comments are irrelevant
AudiR10 wrote:

"Another embittered man who had no idea his wife was going to leave him over something so trivial as infidelity, refusal to get a job, and having a succession of affairs, and was shocked that even though he Wants to runaway to and live with the au pair..."

This article is about no-fault divorce. Any discussion of adultery, abandonment, abuse, and/or failure to support a family are irrelevant. No where did this article EVER claim ANY of those things were part of no-fault divorce.

Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
As the child of a legitimate divorce prompted by substance abuse and multiple cases of adultery (admitted to by the guilty party-no false accusations here)I can tell you even legitimate, justifiable, reasonable divorce with decades of meticulous civility between divorced parents is a heavy burden for children. The bad news is, it gets harder the older you get and have your own successful marriage and happy family.

If you are divorced,(even if you were forced into it)if you are a child of divorce, or if you are married to a child of divorce, you will be very well served to read


Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt.


It refutes the lie that there are "good divorces." It attacks our culture's insistence on "happy talk about divorce." It discusses the characteristics of the "least of the evils" divorces, and explains that how parents handle their divorces in front of their children can make or break the relationships between those parents and their children as adults. Read carefully- it will help you immensely if you are willing to face reality.

The War is against American Families
orarae writes: "Government sometimes protects but it often destroys."

I certainly agree with you on this statement. I worked for 22 years in an Adult Services Unit in a county Department of Social Services in New York State and I can tell you, that from what I observed of the Childrens Services Units, I would not let a Social Services worker in my house. Once you let them in, you can't get rid of them. For the most part, they seen to make more problems than they fix.

I am currently retired and I try to assist people with issues in family court and, for the most part, I see that the whole family suffers: fathers, mothers and children. Many times, the lawyers appointed to cases are pro bono and just want to get out of the court as soon as possible. They do not properly advise their clients of their rights. The law guardians for the children are no better and rarely seem to consider what is in the best interests of the child. Some of the most ridiculous rulings come from the judges. My advice is, if someone comes to your house and says "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you", slam the door and don't let them in.

After reading her post...
I am glad Audi never got married, too.

Thank God
for my golden retrievers. Never understood why men marry. You get married, have a couple of children, you divorce, the woman gets the children, the ex brain-washes the children to hate you, and you pay child support for the children you rarely get to see. Then, you get remarry and go through the same thing all over again. Makes alot of sense, doesn't it? Wise up guys. The sex is not worth it. You can get it without getting married, and with much less headaches. It's called hooking up.

To AudiR10
"Yep, its a CONSPIRACY AGAINST FATHERS to insist that they treat their marriage vows as sacred and pay the bills instead of spending the money on toys."

Hi, Audi. Good to see you. We're winding down, here -- couple more months till we get home.

To an extent I agree with you. I have long been extremely critical of men dodging their responsibilities. However, that is not all that is involved here. In fact, it is not involved at all. Remember, the author is speaking of *no-fault* divorce. Not divorce on grounds of infidelity, not divorce on grounds of abandonment or abrogation of financial support. All those things CONSTITUTE grounds for divorce. So while I have the utmost respect for you and consider you a friend, let us set aside the hyperbole.

The issue here is that no-fault divorce allows people to arbitrarily and unilaterally dump their spouse for NO reason. This particularly suits women since the family courts are demonstrably skewed in their favor.

If men were permitted by law to throw their wives away for no reason at all, completely without censure, while still demanding a healthy split of the wife's income AND with every expectation of automatically getting custody of the kids -- yes, I believe you'd think that unbalanced. I know you to be a fair person, Audi.

I reckon that, if you stop to think about it, you realize that no-fault divorce actually can be about nothing else than allowing people to dump spouses who actually *have* done no wrong. Such a system cannot benefit women any more than men -- except when the system is biased to provide the greatest benefits to the female member of the dissolved marriage, which I think the current system demonstrably is.

An inequitable system of family dissolution cannot atone for the actions of contemporary dogs, nor can it atone for the many years during which the husband's right to abuse his wife was largely uncontested. One cannot redress wrong with wrong.

To Beastie Boy
"If divorce is such a bad thing, why do you keep financing the spiritual cockroaches known as televangelists -- 50% of whom are divorced? Why does your god continue to aid and abet them?
Your god deserves to be mocked. He is the soul of injustice."

Stereotyping. You judge that all Christians support televangelists. This is obviously false - but even were it true, not all televangesists are 'guilty' of divorce, as you confess. Futher, you assume that God 'aids and abets' televangelists. On what grounds do you make this assumption? Because some televangelists are rich? So was Yasser Arafat.

You have arrived at a conclusion -- that God is injust -- when your stated justifications do not support that conclusion.

What does God say of divorce?

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. "So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."
Malachi 2:16

"He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart *MOSES* permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way."
Matthew 19:8

The lesson is clear: because of the hardness of human hearts, God *permits* divorce -- but that was not his plan for us.

Blaming others for our own faults and actions is a childish practice. Let us not indulge in it.

To Doc5000, and to Audi
"After reading her post, I am glad Audi never got married, too."

A good marriage changes people, Doc. Had Audi ever found the 'right guy' to marry, her outlook just might perhaps be different.
And though on this matter you might think Audi radical, I have found her to be a thoughtful and considerate person.

------------------

Audi, I do not suggest that your convictions are all the result of not having married. I only present an idea learned through personal experience -- that marriage is a lens which changes or shapes the way we view things. i'm not trying to be presumptuous, I'm just stating a possibility.

Title IV d. of the Social Security Act
Title IV d. of the Social Security Act provides matching funds to the state based on how much child support is assessed, $100 for every $300 of Child Support, the state only admits to $100 for every $600. Either way the state has a financial incentive to make one parent noncustodial, essentially removing one persons parental rights. Notice the child support only has to be assessed, not collected, this encourages judges to make the assessment so high it many times cannot be met, then criminalizes the noncustodial parent, feeding the myth that all Dads are deadbeats which benefits the system. By designating one parent as noncustodial, usually the higher wage earner. This ensures child support will be necessary, there are tons of statistics that show that fatherless children are more likely to be involved in gangs, do drugs, have problems in school, and increase suicide and teen pregnancies. These same statistics hold true when children are deprived of their mothers, equal access to both parents is the least damaging way to raise a child outside of traditional marriage. That’s why groups like The Fatherhood Coalition promote shared parenting, and do not advocate taking custody away from Mothers. It all boils down to children being damaged for money. These title IV d. matching funds go into the states general fund, the only check on the power of the judiciary is the legislature. Does anyone believe a politician will stop billions of dollars from flowing into this fund? The original intent of title IV d. was to hold low income irresponsible fathers accountable for children they conceive with multiple partners. However the court system has discovered that it does not violate the law to apply it to all fathers, so they apply it to middle and upper income fathers too after all that’s where the money is. Let's try to save the next generation, let's try to save marriage, for the benefit of the children and society. Be aware! Get involved!

It's all about the $
AudiR10,
After reading your first post it seems to me most of your argument is all about money, not about the children.

You say you "...are happier that you never got married, and that you did not subject your kids to a succession of embittered, whining, oblivious weenies..."

If you we're monagmously married, your children would have been only exposed to one man, weenie or not.

Unless you have been celibate since the birth of your last child, I would guess that they have been exposed to a sucession of "boyfriends". and you have been exposed to a litany of "weenies"!

You seem very angry and bitter, try to detatch from it. You can be happy.

Cure: marriage fulfilling its purpose
I think we should stop blaming government policies and start raising good families. Have lots of children, as marriages are intended to do. Those children will learn to share, respect their siblings, work together for the good of the family, and act selflessly for the family. THEN, they make spouses who can give selflessly to marriage and family.

The younger generration is filled with too many spoiled, self-absorbed "adults" who don't understand commitment and only fret about the reflection in the mirror. How were these people raised to "adulthood"? Very small families where each child gets his/her own everything and never has to sacrifice, wait, or give in return. They often make horrible spouses, and worse parents.

Also, research shows that children from divorce most often grow up and divorce in adulthood. A vicious cycle of self-centeredness. I think most divorces can be directly traced to selfishness and it takes two to tango. Learn to sweat blood for your spouse and family and all but the most cold-hearted of spouses will eventually appreciate and return the self-giving and then you'll have a good marriage.

AudiR10 writes:
"Oh Goodie Another embittered man who had no idea his wife was going to leave him over something so trivial as infidelity, refusal to get a job, and having a succession of affairs, and was shocked that even though he Wants to runaway to and live with the au pair as if the wife and the children never existed at all, HE HAS TO SUPPORT THEM! Oh the humanity!"

"Every day in every way I am happier that I never got married..."

It would appear that you never married because you have personal issues with men. It is evident though, by the "Every day" remark, that you do not speak empirically, unless you are ranting about your father. So WTF are you wasting everyones time here posting your biased vitriol against men on a subject you know nothing about?

Get you nose out of Red Book, the movies or soap operas and get a real life. Then come back and tell us about men, women, relationships and marriage when you have some personal experience.

Thank you forexposing this scam we call"
The divorce and domestic violence industry has evolved into a scam for lawyers and government workers to plunder the estates of families using children as bait. It adds little to no value and, in fact, creates enormous destruction. Not a single credible scientific study shows sole-custody is a good thing, and hundreds of research studies that followed children for 5, 10 and 15 years prove joint custody (physical) is far superior in all twenty measures.

Judges award more than 85% sole custody! Why? 1) The matching dollars to states for driving up child support (Title IVd), 2) The $50 BILLION in legal fees generated, 3) The federal funds that pay for many services and literally put $250,000 bounties on the heads of children for adoption and other services when they are taken away from parents by DSS workers who are incompetent and have "quotas" to make to grow their budgets.

This is a truly evil industry which is dominated by unscrupulous people who separate couples intentionally using restraining orders so that they can pour gasoline on the fire and get $100,000 and more in "legel" fees for the divorce. They intentionally force the sale of home (under threat of jail to dad often) to get fees for the harm they do.

This is a morally bankrupt industry that will be looked on like bloodletting is today in the near future. Call your state rep and demand passage of the "Shared Parenting bill HB-1460 and Senate bill #994. Lawyers who make money in the divorce business and are on the legislative-judicial committee have been stopping this bill since 2004 to maintian this scam. They should go to jail for the conflict of interest and damage they are doing to children by the tens of thousands each year.

More at: http://www.FathersUnite.org
Your state rep contact information is listed at:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/officials/congress/?dis trict=04&lvl=C&azip=02346&state=MA


Divorce Industry
I recently wrote an "Overview" article about the "Divorce Industry). While it's not nearly as eloquent as Dr. Baskerville's many articles regarding the same, it contains a good deal of information regarding the dynamics of this particular industry.

http://www.knowyourcourts.com/divorceIndustry/divorceIndust ry.htm

unjust women/fathers/compatibility
Another terrible aspect of this is the messages sent about men in general. SOOOO many women have legitimate gripes about a few men and then they apply their anger to all men. What does that say to their sons? What does it say about their own ability to reason and their emotional maturity?

All men living honorably deserve respect and appreciation of who they are and what they do. It is unjust to treat them otherwise. The uniqueness of being male is an essential aspect of keeping society going by fathers parenting on a daily basis. Children are entitled to it.

Children are also entitled to parents who were mature enough to discuss IN DETAIL their views on childrearing, finances, lifestyle, and religion/philosophy before they married. In divorce court those things are called irreconcilable differences. I suspect people citing that reason in a divorce probably did not do their homework BEFORE they got married or underestimated the importance of shared views.

It's time practical compatibility became just as important as romantic attraction in the dating/courting process.

EXPLANATIONS I
RCB wrote:
"[H]ow irrational, inequitable and socially destructive American family law has become.

I wonder how this came about? Does anyone know?"

I can tell you, bud.

Revolutionary Marxist-Leninism

The three main roadblocks to the Marxist-Leninist goal of a secular and socialist world order are private property (which provides material independence from state power), the family (which affords loyalties prior to the state), and religion (which claims authority above that of the state).

Marx claimed that society is evolving inexorably toward socialism through a process called dialectical materialism. An existing condition (thesis) comes into conflict with a new condition (antithesis) that is attempting to emerge.

Out of the dialectical conflict between these two opposing forces a new, higher condition (synthesis) emerges. This is then put through the process again as the new thesis, until full socialism is achieved.

Lenin expanded Marx’s dialectical analysis from its early focus on economic relationships to take in social and political relationships, thus widening the role of the revolutionary as a change agent.

The task of the revolutionary was now to identify and exploit pressure points for dialectical conflict, thus undermining the legitimacy of the existing social and political order, and hastening the eventual triumph of socialism.

Think:

Minority groups v. the majority
Gays v. straights
Women v. men
Children's "rights" v. the right of traditional authority figures (parents, teachers etc) to control and manage the behavior of children

EXPLANATIONS II
Marxist-Leninists want to impose police state dictatorships after the institutions of a free society (private property, Judeo-Christian values, the formative family) have all been subverted. Only these institutions stand in the way of the total state.

According to Marxist-Leninist ideology, the formative family is the institution within which children are inculcated into an acceptance of the hierarchical system of capitalist class relations.

As Engels said: "Within the family, man is the bourgeoisie, women and children the proletariat." For this reason, they view subverting the family as a key political imperative.

Contemporary feminism is based on the Marxist-Leninist analysis of gender relations, with man the enemy class in a war of gender hatred. This is also the basis of gay activism. Homosexuals were helped to see that the formative family is the source of their class oppressions, because it normalises heterosexual relations and marginalises alternative sexualities.

Marxist-Leninists have mobilised feminists and gay activists into a dialectical conflict against the formative family. A few gays and feminists (who are also Marxist-Leninists) are well aware of this. Most have been artfully hooked into the "civil rights" argument, and are not.


EXPLANATIONS III
Subverting and eradicating the preferred status of the formative family in favour of alternative arrangements removes it as an obstacle to the implementation of totalitarian agendas.

Removing men from the family by offering financial incentives for single parenthood (Nanny State as substitute husband), and encouraging homosexual "marriage" and adoptive parenting (despite the known impermanence of the majority of gay relationships) opens up an expanded role for the state in picking up the pieces for ever-increasing numbers of children.

The underlying goal is for children to be socialised by the state, rather than by their parents. Every totalitarian system has sought to remove children from parental influence (e.g. Hitler Youth, Red Guards, Komsomol) so that they can be unceasingly indoctrinated with statist values.

As Shrillary the Evil Marxist-Leninist Witch famously said (with acclamation from socialists around the world): "It takes a village to raise a child." This, of course ignores those who don't want their children raised by a village.

hi talli2long...
Hope you're having a safe tour of duty and I thank you for it brother.
This has really frayed some nerves here this subject.
I agree that the 'no fault' divorce does make it too easy for one spouse to dump the other arbitrarily, but there are assumptions that the wife somehow benefits unfairly in this from a few of the posters.
Usually women have children at great sacrifice to their physical and professional lives. Most often their time out to raise the child severely reduces their ability to support themselves and their children outside of the marriage.
No fault is adjusted sometimes to favor the wife and mother in this instance or if her own job is gainful enough, the support is mutually shared.
The alimony established is usually based on a wife's ability to support herself if there are no children.
The point is: it depends on what was going on with a spouse at the point of abandonment. Treatment for illness or disability (spouses are abandoned at this low point when it's harder to get reestablished careerwise, if ever.)
No fault is and can be terrible, but financial loss or gain does depend on who had the stronger foothold in professional success too.

puppychen
You have about the stalest most outdated and stereotypical information I've ever seen about gay couples and their children.
I'm also looking at this photo of these purity balls and see something that puts the onus of purity square on the shoulders of GIRLS (again).
What about father/son pledge ceremonies?
What's up with the girls dressed just shy of young BRIDES in these pictures?
How is this in any way establishing anything other than traditions AGAINST young women and expectations for them that didn't really do much for the advancement of their mothers and grandmothers as self assured and reliant on themselves more than the men or males in their lives?
Men are sometimes under the misconception (that they pass on to their sons), that the inexperienced girl is the ideal. Easier to control, less likely to make comparisons and complaints if HE doesn't measure up, so to speak.
Men love to pass judgement on females they wouldn't dream of doing on their male peers and that's one way how.

puppychen
You're making generalities and the nuclear family isn't under ATTACK, so much as it's been dissolved by unrealistic and unresolved issues that people won't talk about or refuse to acknowledge.
Namely, that men aren't to be assumed that they'd be GOOD fathers simply because they are heterosexual or fertile and fecund.
You love believing the criticism of how gay people don't establish relationships in the long term.
But you haven't brought up a very important fact: does society at large HELP gay couples to do so? Do gay young people get the same support and can they HOPE for marriage with another gay person?
The answer to that is no. So if a group of people hasn't had the same support and been enabled, passing judgement as if INCAPABLE isn't the proper response to a non existent situation.
However, that gay couples DO take marriage seriously enough to no only fight for it in court, but to establish parenthood and spousal care WITHOUT the legal option, says that our society is under utilizing a very committed population.
You can't vilify a population you haven't helped or indeed, supported complicated laws to make establishing stronger relationships possible and better.
If you don't think it's what gay people want, or you think you haven't been given enough evidence to believe otherwise:
How much evidence have you needed to believe marriage is what straight people want?
50% failure rate isn't making you go out and vote for laws against marriage for STRAIGHT people now is it?


puppychen
You're a liar: examples of heterosexual or nuclear families are NOT what gay people say OPRESSES them!
Gays and lesbians have NOTHING against a man and woman being married and having children as they choose! Gays and lesbians have their OWN parents and siblings as examples.

Gays and lesbians have outright said that the LAWS that exclude THEM from marrying another gay person of their choice who is gay, and raising a child obviously in need of a home is what is oppressive.
Gays and lesbians are called (even by attrition) into service for needy children even in their own extended families.
Some have to tend to their aging parents or siblings in need of help.
A MARRIED gay person has far more ability to support not only each other but extended family.
Gays and lesbians have inescapable responsibilities helped by marriage.
As most people do.
These are conservative values: self reliance.
What gay folks want is INCLUSION, and by the SAME standards as established for heterosexuals.
Gay folks know when they are treated to completely hypocritical and contradictory standards and are right to say so when this happens.
And not even in court has anyone proven adverse affects on marriage or married people.
Conjecture, and saying it does over and over again, is only saying it, it's not proof.

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