Wednesday, March 21, 2007
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I Used to Believe...
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Posted by:
Mary Katharine Ham at
11:54 AM
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Marginal Revolution points me to a site that compiles silly childhood beliefs. Tyler Cowen has a few: I used to believe that it was the wedding ring which somehow caused
children to come (really, and yes I was worried about what this meant
for traditional scientific theories of causality). I actually used to believe that you could have a baby by wishing to have a baby, so I always tried really hard as a kid to avoid thinking about babies, which of course, led to my thinking about babies, and then freaking out and parsing whether or not God would think I'd actually made a wish or just had general baby thoughts. I used to believe I had to eat the crust of the bread because that's where all the vitamins were because that's what my father told me so he didn't have to trim the crusts.
I used to believe that Jim Valvano was the president of the United States because he was on TV so much more than Reagan in North Carolina circa 1983. And, I used to believe that "argyle" meant "uncomfortable" because I had one really uncomfortable pair of socks that happened to be argyle. So, when my parents told me to put on my argyle socks, I figured they were referring to the overwhelming aggravation factor, not the overwhelming pattern. This misunderstanding culminated in a famous Ham family scene, in which 4-year-old Mary Katharine woke up her father in the middle of the night: MKH: "Daddy, Daddy. I can't sleep." Dad: "Why not?" MKH: "Because my pillow is argyle!" Dad: "Huh? No, it's not." MKH: "Yes it is! It's soooo argyle, I can't sleep." Dad: "Huh?"
MKH: "Argyle, man, argyle! You're the one who teaches me this stuff!"
Twenty minutes of confusion and frustration ensued before my parents figured out the mistranslation. Argyle still means uncomfortable in the Ham house. What did you used to believe?
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About 13 years ago we were in Key West and my daughter, then 4, made a comment about wanting to go to a toy store at "your amy." We didnt know what she was talking about and had a frustrating conversation until she said, "But you are alway talking about going to your amy!" I thought, "When did I ever talk about going to my amy... D'oh! Miami!"
4 year olds do not find such confusion humorous, let me tell you! |
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M-Kat,
That's a painfully adorable anecdote.
It's fitting that someone, who, at the tender age of 4 was trying to figure out how to use a synonym, would indeed grow up to be a writer.
I can't think of a similar anecdote of my own worth mentioning, although I can say that we, along with the theatrical neighbor kids, created our own little suburban world of youthful Huck Finn superstitions including ones about a stray black cat with no tail, full moons, solar eclipses, a hoot owl, and a Boo Radley-esque retired widower who lived down the street.
I think we even created a newsletter (!) to inform our families, friends, and select neighbors about certain hazards to watch out for.
Fortunately, I have appreciation for the imagination, make-believe, and grotesque that it all was.
Some people continue to hyperbolize nature's anomalies and eccentricities as adults---you know, like, the way Al Gore does ! |
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I was told to eat my crusts so that I would have a hairy chest like my Daddy---and being a Daddy's girl... My boys find this a disgusting story nowadays.
I am fifty years old now, and still think the crusts are the best part. When I make bread, I try to make it extra crusty.
My husband thought sky scrapers were those high flying airplanes that left a trail because they scraped the sky. He had it on good authority from his big brother. He also thought crows and mockingbirds were the same.
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I thought your forehead was called your forkhead. Seriously. I wouldn't have remembered that if it weren't for you, puzny. Thanks. |
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I am embarrassed to say, even on a relatively anonymous forum, how old I was when I learned that the correct spelling is spatula...not spachelor. As a kid I always thought it was an exact rhyme for "bachelor", so I figured they were spelled similarly, too. |
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Ramona, the babysitter, used to tell me that eating the crust would help you learn to whistle. Guess it's true, 'cuz I can whistle now and I always eat the crust. You never know, the effect might wear off... |
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That President Bush wanted what was best for America. Then I realized that he was intentionally letting the illegal alien problem get worse by cutting enforcement to force us into another amnesty. His comments in Mexico and Guatemala confirmed that he is more concerned with citizens of other countries illegally in our country than for the citizens of this country. |
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I used to believe the crust story too. Because I hated the crust I used to nibble all of it off the bread first to get it out of the way, saving the best for last. |
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I thought a vacuum cleaner was a "damn". The family must have had problems with it...
I thought pneumonia was a witch on the moon who would ride down on a broom and get me if I didn't stay under the covers. Some nights I didn't sleep so well. My parents warned me about not staying under the covers by telling me I would get pneumonia. I had a babysitter named Ramona. They sounded the same. I pictured her in a witch's outfit kidnapping me. It really all makes sense if you think about it. |
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instead of Jimmy Carter, maybe we wouldn't have the problem we do today with Iran!
I used to think that the world was in black in white until very recently. Since all the old movies were in black and white, it seemed to make perfect sense that it was because everything WAS in black and white. There is an excellent book by Arnold Lobel called (I only know it in French) Le Magicien des Couleurs (The Magician of Colors). The story of this book is that there was a time without colors, and this magician was bored and invented them all... but it caused problems with each color he invented (everything was painted the new color each time). Kind of a fun book with a neat concept.
Anyway, GO WOLFPACK! |
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I used to believe there were very small people in the TV putting on plays for us.
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"So when my parents told me to put on my argyle socks..."
I'm trying to visualize that scenario -- "Mary Katherine, you put on your argyle socks right this minute!!" |
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