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Monday, May 21, 2007
Jon Sanders :: Townhall.com Columnist
Helping Hillary find her theme
by Jon Sanders
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In what Rolling Stone describes as "a bid to win over potential supporters in the under-thirty crowd," and what a certain columnist describes as a "fat, hanging curveball," Sen. Hillary Clinton announced on her campaign web site that she is seeking an official campaign theme song.

In typical Democrat fashion, Clinton controls and limits the choices, offering just two U2 tunes, one Dixie Chicks bit, one Shania Twain twang, a Monkees remake, and four others. But as individuals have shown throughout the history of this great nation, they are more ingenious and capable of aptly satisfying a need or want than any statist politician can imagine. So there's no need for Americans to stick to Clinton's nine choices when there are tens of thousands of possible choices out there.

Several potential theme songs for Clinton's campaign present themselves immediately. Here are a very few:

"Shameless" by Billy Joel (if John Edwards hasn't already claimed it)

"Yakety Yak" by The Coasters (if Sen. Barack Obama hasn't already claimed it)

"Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits (same Edwards disclaimer)

"It's the End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M. (before Al Gore gets in the race)

"Back in the USSR" by The Beatles (if Rep. Dennis Kucinich hasn't already claimed it)

"Eve of Destruction" by Barry McGuire (Edwards disclaimer)

"Goodbye, House" by Melinda Schneider

"Theme from Kill Bill" by Bernard Herrman (if Rep. Ron Paul hasn't already claimed it; the Republican is, after all, known as "Dr. No" for opposing spending bills)

"Here It Comes Again" by Korn

"I Can't Get No Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones (if Sen. Christopher Dodd hasn't already claimed it)

"Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks (if Sen. Joe Biden hasn't already claimed it)

"(Gonna Be) A World of Hurt" by Drive-By Truckers

"I Don't Want a Job" by Something Corporate (Edwards disclaimer)

Those may not go deeply enough, however. A campaign theme song needs to capture the essence of a candidate with more than just its title. For instance, the Black Eyed Peas song "Shut Up" is attractive because it aptly captures the overall Democrat approach to citizens, critics, inquisitive media, talk radio, blogs, etc. "Shut up / Just shut up / Shut up, shut up, shut up," it begins, modulating to "Shut it up, just shut up / Shut up / Just shut up / Shut up, shut up, shut up" before reaching an early cadence on "Shut it up, just shut up."

Besides, BEP would be more likely to attract the "under-thirty crowd," and unlike the BEP song used by the Kerry/Edwards campaign, "Let's Get Retarded," this one won't require campaign officials to take pains to use the revised version ("Let's Get It Started").

Then again, BEP didn't help Kerry/Ewards, and "Shut Up" is too broad. Clinton's theme should be more Hillary-specific.

Remember, Clinton is the one who in June 2004 opposed tax cuts and instead pledged, "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." She also declared this past February, "The other day, the oil companies reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those profits and I want to put them in a strategic energy fund that will begin to fund alternative, smart energy alternatives and technology that will begin to actually move us toward the direction of independence."

Furthermore, Clinton recently described herself as "multilingual" for being able to mimic regional dialects. Her ideal theme song would not only capture Clinton's economic policies but also showcase her linguistic prowess. All the better if it can deliver those with a fetching, upbeat enthusiasm the famously dour candidate lacks.

What song could do all that for the Hillary Clinton campaign? How about The Pipkins' "Gimme Dat Ding"? Here's the chorus: Continued...

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About The Author
Jon Sanders is a policy analyst and research editor at the John Locke Foundation in Raleigh, N.C.

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Behind The Mask (Eric Clapton)
BEHIND THE MASK (ERIC CLAPTON)

All alone had to talk about it
Like a two-edged sword, he touched you and he stabs me
All along I knew you were a phony girl
Sit behind the mask where you control your world

Yesterday he had you in his arms
When I'm holding you I feel his bitter charms
I can't judge what you do to me
Camouflage the truth, Indulge your fantasy

Who do you love? Is it me now?
Is it him babe? I don't know
Who do you love? Is it me babe?
Is it him now? I don't know

There is nothing in your eyes; that's the way you cry
All is grand, all is bright. You're just studying my mind
There is nothing in your eyes; that's the way you cry
All is grand, all is bright. You're just studying my mind

Was I invited to your masquerade?
Well the party's over so now take off your face
You say love but it's hard to see
When you're in his arms throwing rocks at me

Who do you love? Is it me now?
Is it him babe? I don't know
Who do you love? Is it me babe?
Is it him now? I don't know

I walk around stuck within my gloom
When I come to you and sit in your room
Truth is new, I have not a trace
Take off your mask so I can see your face

So many choices....
How about Dire Straits...
You're so far away from me.

And isn't the Zappa song, "I'm an &^%hole"?

I don't think anything's gonna beat Elton John,
The biotch is back. Classic.
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